The World Outside the U.S. Post-Drumpf

''Originally this page was but a simple section under Daily Chaos. It became more ambitious and was given it's own seperate page to grow and prosper.''

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Don't Give GOP Assholes Any Ideas

 * 1) New British Espionage Act classes journalists as enemies of the State: "Reporting on government leaks would be viewed in the same legal framework as spying for foreign powers. Break the law and face two to 14 years imprisonment"
 * 2) The Philippines version of Donald Trump, just shorter and not orange, has now started to arrest political opponents
 * 3) Let's go inside the prison cell of Rodrigo Duterte's first political prisoner, shall we?
 * 4) Days after Parliament spent hours lambasting Trump for narrow-minded xenophobia, the British High Court rules in favour of banning Brits who earn under $25,000 from marrying foreigners
 * 5) And here we see Israel banning foreign staffers of Human Rights Watch, insisting they are merely tools for Palestinian propaganda
 * 6) Reports out of North Korea say Kim Jong Un had five senior security officials executed by antiaircraft gun because they submitted "false reports" that "enraged" Un. When briefed on the incident, President Trump reportedly asked: You can DO that?

Miscellaneous

 * 1) You know what happened the last time someone tried to create a new world order because of American aggression? Okay maybe you didn't
 * 2) Tillerson forced to stay at sanatorium with old people in wheelchairs, 30 minutes away from other G20 attendees, because nobody booked him and his entourage a room early enough. Meets with Lavrov, then quickly has press removed from room
 * 3) State Department? We don't need no stinking State Department
 * 4) How TV influences Donald Trump's foreign policy. And that's fine, look I was raised on TV and I turned out TV
 * 5) OH great, Apparently our foreign policy is being "forged" by FOX News. We're now at war with Sweden, Mexico, and Australia
 * 6) Trump lives in a media bubble and it's causing chaos. "We now need someone to unplug the White House wi-fi and switch off his damn television"
 * 7) In shocking news, Steve Bannon is personally undermining US foreign policy and going over the heads of the VP and Secretary of State to stir up shiat with our allies
 * 8) The U.S. should withdraw from the UN Human Rights Council. Because, human rights, what does that mean? It's very vague

Europe

 * 1) The EU president now considers the US, together with radical Islam, China, and Russia to be a major threat
 * 2) Italian town builds a statue of Donald Trump. To keep it classical, the Venus de Milo will serve as a template for his hands
 * 3) Swiss voters look at America and decide against having a welfare system for businesses

Germany

 * 1) Germany erects wall around America and the tourists love it
 * 2) Normally reserved, impeccably mannered President-elect of Germany once lashed out at Trump, calling him a "hate preacher". Yeah, whatever, like Germans have a clue about leaders who hate, based on race, religion, ethnicity, and gender preference
 * 3) Germany could save NATO if it paid its fair share
 * 4) Donald Trump is such a good negotiator that thanks to his attempts to renegotiate with China, Germany expects to gain huge business opportunities there, finally allowing them to break bigly into that market
 * 5) While the rest of Europe is succumbing to right wing fanatics, Germany is considering a lefty dry drunk high school dropout who speaks six languages to challenge Merkel
 * 6) When they came for the meat, I said nothing, because I was not a meat

France

 * 1) Trump continues his winning trend of alienating the allies of the United States by demanding a refund of NATO funds from French President Francois Hollande
 * 2) France's Macron seen beating Le Pen in presidential runoff. I don't speak French, but isn't that headline a bit explicit?
 * 3) Le Pen is coming from behind
 * 4) French presidential candidate Macron accused of betraying British hospitality and making enemies, though it's not clear if he played the mamba, listened to the radio don't you remember, remember, we built this city we built this city on rock and roll
 * 5) Voters submit petition calling for Barack Obama to run for President. In France. Oui on peut
 * 6) Mayor of Paris hits back after Trump insults the city. Trump should know he has no chance winning a contest by taking on a Parisian who can out-rude him

The UK

 * 1) Even British Prime Minister Theresa May can't help but joke about Trump's little hands
 * 2) Tories threaten to abolish the House of Lords if they don't Brexit
 * 3) Trump decides he doesn't want to visit Parliament anyway. No word yet on his opinion of Funkadelic
 * 4) British lawmakers say a meeting with Trump would embarrass Queen Elizabeth II almost as much as nearly being assassinated by Reggie Jackson. Though it's doubtful Enrico Pallazzo can save her this time
 * 5) Days after Parliament spent hours lambasting Trump for narrow-minded xenophobia, the British High Court rules in favour of banning Brits who earn under $25,000 from marrying foreigners
 * 6) The United States closest ally, Great Britain; has voted 'No' to Trumps visit. When questioned about it Donald said "those grapes taste sour anyway. Worst grapes, overrated"
 * 7) After 1,800,000 sign petition, British Parliament to hold 3-hour debate on whether to refuse Donald Trump the honor of a state visit due to his "well-documented misogyny and vulgarity". Bollocks. Arsebiscuits
 * 8) British politician declares that Trump's intellectual capacity is "protozoan." Trump supporters forced to wait for someone to bring a dictionary, then wait for someone to show them how to use it, then wait for someone who can read
 * 9) While everyone is freaking out about Russia, Britain quietly begins the process of absorbing the United States into the British Commonwealth
 * 10) Nigel Farage was set to be knighted, but it was blocked by someone with common sense
 * 11) Discussion of Brexit moves past the economic effects on Britain and onto the Latvian TV reporter that married leader of the pro-Brexit camp was banging seven times a night during the campaign, although he has angrily denied using ice cubes
 * 12) Theresa May faces embarrassing Brexit defeat as House of Lords rebels plot veto on bill

Ukraine

 * 1) Is Ukraine trying to sabotage the detente between Russia and Trump? Maybe
 * 2) Ukraine, who may not have been following US poltical developments as closely as they should have in the last few months, desperately appeals to the US for help in staving off renewed Russian aggression against their country

Russia

 * 1) A prominent Russian opposition activist has been hospitalized with sudden organ failure, two years after he almost died of suspected poisoning. Nothing to see here, move along comrade
 * 2) In Russian media, "Donald Trump" was mentioned more than "Vladimir Putin," unseating the Soviet dictator for the first time in years
 * 3) Putin: "So what you think of START treaty?" Trump: "Hold on." [to aide "Psst, what's the START treaty?"]
 * 4) Bullshiat Spice denies Trump was confused by the START treaty
 * 5) President Trumpy is out of his mind if he thinks he can split up BFF Russia and Iran.They're not getting out of bed with each other anytime soon
 * 6) While we've been arguing about Betsy DeVos and Nordstroms, Russia has sold off almost 20% of it's State owned oil company in a convoluted deal involving Singapore, Qatar, and a Cayman Islands company with unknown owners. Tired of winning yet?
 * 7) The Economist has come out questioning Trump's ability to make a deal with Russia. Fake news
 * 8) Kremlin confirms their top agent will meet with Putin in July
 * 9) Russian lawmakers launch a spirited defense of Michael Flynn in a classic case of "you're not helping"
 * 10) RT sends tweet congratulating Ambassador to Glorious Motherland a happy retirement
 * 11) As his lackeys in Washington come under increasing scrutiny, Vladimir Putin decides to secretly deploy cruise missiles in violation of treaty that ended Cold War
 * 12) Vladimir Putin eyes possible merger of CIA, FBI, NSA, folding them into the KGB. Goldman Sachs eyed as possible lead underwriter of the merger. NSC CEO Steve Bannon unavailable for comment
 * 13) The Kremlin ordered state media to cut way back on their fawning coverage of President Donald Trump, because it's making Putin look bad
 * 14) After a brutal week and several public missteps, Trump's support is in free-fall among a demographic that was critical to getting him elected last November: White males, between the ages of 25-45, who live in Russia
 * 15) Straight from the Communist mouthpiece, People's Daily: American warships just might get banned from our waters, ya know
 * 16) Mike Pence: We'll totes hold Russia accountable
 * 17) The era of fake news is just getting started
 * 18) Husband and wife members of Russian parliament defect to Ukraine, threaten to blow whistle on Putin machine's inner workings. No word yet on how much polonium FSB plans to use on them
 * 19) The Kremlin is concerned that their man in the Oval Office may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer. In fact,he may be a very dull butter knife who thinks he's a machete
 * 20) Russia denies interfering in the elections of a Western democracy. This is not a repeat of the last time they got caught doing this
 * 21) Vitaly Churkin, Russian Ambassador to the United Nations dies at his desk. No umbrella was found
 * 22) Russian Supreme Court sees how we handle Trump, decides it would like to try things out against Putin
 * 23) President Trump, who was physically in Moscow 4 years ago, claims he has not called Moscow in 10 years

Turkey

 * 1) In call with Erdogan, Trump stresses close relationship with Turkey, looks forward to pardoning it before Thanksgiving
 * 2) There was once a President from Turkey, who acted a bit jerkey, I can't think of anything else that rhymes with Turkey but Erdogan's mother was a whore

Sweden

 * 1) Not to ruin the narrative all immigrants from the Middle East are bad, but Sweden's crime rate has been falling for the last 12 years even as it has taken in hundreds of thousands of immigrants from war-torn countries like Syria and Iraq
 * 2) Don't tell me--marijuana laced with formaldehyde?
 * 3) You may want to hold your jaw from hitting the ground, but it turns out the two Swedish police officers interviewed by Fox News, which Trump watched before making his ill informed remarks, say their quotes were taken out of context
 * 4) Don Lemon fact-checks the alternative filmmaker behind the grossly idiotic film that makes Sweden look like Chicago and resulted in Trump making a global gaffe

North Korea

 * 1) North Korea: U.S. to suffer "catastrophic outcome" in March
 * 2) "As Mar-a-Lago's wealthy members looked on from their tables, Trump and Abe's evening meal quickly morphed into a strategy session, the decision-making on full view to fellow diners." But can you imagine the security risk of it had been via email?
 * 3) North Korea is "Macbeth with nukes." It should be noted Kim Jong-Un thinks Macbeth is an off-brand McDonald's
 * 4) Trump cancels meeting with his fellow partner in crime Kim Jong Un after North Korea's latest missile test

China

 * 1) Well it's now inevitable that the US will soon go to war with China ...at least according to chief Trump strategist Steve Bannon
 * 2) Our President is so respected abroad that even cartoonists in Chinese State Media think it's okay to make fun of him. Bonus: Place him in an iconic Titanic scene, wearing a Nazi band on his arm
 * 3) China is gearing up for WW3 for no particular reason. You know, just in case
 * 4) Trump on the campaign trail: "CHINA CHINA EVIL CHINA MUST STAND UP TO CHINA FREE TAIWAN" Trump today: "Please take my calls. I love you. I'm sorry?"
 * 5) More proof that Trump can't read: Claims NYTimes is fakenews because they didn't say he talked to China yesterday in an article about him talking to China yesterday
 * 6) China blames the US and South Korea for North Korea going ballistic
 * 7) Donald Trump is such a good negotiator that thanks to his attempts to renegotiate with China, Germany expects to gain huge business opportunities there, finally allowing them to break bigly into that market
 * 8) "China recently received intelligence indicating that some people in North Korean leadership circles have been suggesting sacrificing ties with China and trying to establish closer links with the US" Well we certainly have something in common now
 * 9) China is sending one of its top diplomats, State Councillor Yang Jiechi, to meet with Trump and see if they can get some of the same considerations Russia is getting

Japan

 * 1) Japan May Woo Trump with 700,000 U.S. Jobs and a $7 Billion Factory. This, to ward off criticism of its trade and monetary policy
 * 2) Trump: The Japanese government prevents Japanese consumers from buying American cars. Japanese Consumer: We can buy American cars if we want to, but we don't want to because, well, American cars suck
 * 3) "What are they saying?" Trump asked Abe, referring to photographers who were speaking Japanese. "Please look at me," the Prime Minister translated. Trump appeared to take the translation literally, and began to stare at the Prime Minister
 * 4) "As Mar-a-Lago's wealthy members looked on from their tables, Trump and Abe's evening meal quickly morphed into a strategy session, the decision-making on full view to fellow diners." But can you imagine the security risk of it had been via email?

Middle East

 * 1) Yemen rescinds consent for US forces after botched Trump raid
 * 2) How badly is Donald Trump screwing up? Let's put it this way: even IRAQ, which is currently depending on US troops and airstrikes to keep from becoming the new home of ISIS' caliphate, isn't sure they want to be friends anymore

Iran

 * 1) Iran responds to Trump in a way that's sure to provoke a nuclear holocaust: "LOL, check out this clown"
 * 2) Donald Trump: Losing friends and influencing Ayatollahs
 * 3) President Trumpy is out of his mind if he thinks he can split up BFF Russia and Iran.They're not getting out of bed with each other anytime soon
 * 4) Iran stages pro-American rally. Well, at least pro the Americans who don't want Trump's travel ban
 * 5) President of the Member's Only fan club Tehran chapter writes a 3,500 word letter to Trump

Israel

 * 1) Two states? Bah, I cant count that high

Syria

 * 1) Because the AP would certainly wait until the second paragraph to point their finger if they thought the U.S., Israel, or the UK were involved. Tag is for the actual content

Kuwait

 * 1) Kuwait Embassy drops up to $60,000 on party at Trump's D.C. hotel. Will he send the money to the Treasury, as promised?
 * 2) Donald and Ivanka Trump, Nigel Farage, and Rick Scott walk into a bar, at the hotel Trump now illegally owns, while the official WH press pool members were kept in vans outside and not allowed to leave. Sorry, the only joke is that he's president

Other Americas

 * 1) Trump wants to negotiate for an extra "F" in NAFTA. Extra U, I, and A to follow
 * 2) It doesn't count; I had my fingers crossed

Mexico

 * 1) While speaking to the Mexican President, Trump proposes sending US troops to Mexico to take care of "Bad Hombres"
 * 2) Spokesman for Peña Nieto says its a "downright lie" Trump threatened to send U.S. soldiers into Mexico during a phone call with the Mexican President
 * 3) Miles de personas protestan contra Trump en la Ciudad de México
 * 4) Trump: "Hey Mexico, about this terrible NAFTA deal..." Mexico: "Hey, Donald, about those DEA offices we let you open in our country and all that other stuff"
 * 5) Mexico tells Trump to have fun with his concentration camps
 * 6) Trump sends top envoys to Mexico on a "Fence Mending " mission
 * 7) Rex Tillerson demoted from Big Oil captain of industry to Mexican Government Piñata Biatch. Let's see if anyone notices
 * 8) Wait, you mean Mexico isn't going to just accept third country deportees from the United States?

Canada

 * 1) Trudeau hopes his White House visit will be productive and not the giant waste of time it's more likely to be
 * 2) War with Canada starts at 2pm
 * 3) Trump met Trudeau today: Let's compare and contrast the two world leaders
 * 4) Justin Trudeau gets what he wants from Trump visit. Jared Kushner calls for war with Canada
 * 5) Canadian master class in how to beat the jerky handshake. Bully boy just wants some love
 * 6) Poll: majority of Canadians distrust their government, even factoring the adorableness of Prime Minister Smoldering Blue Steel
 * 7) Justin Trudeau: "Any US women that want to be bathed and brought to my chambers are welcome." By the end of the week, the US will have a worse gender-imbalance problem than China

Peru

 * 1) Peru asks Trump to act against Toledo because fark Ohio, that's why
 * 2) Peruvian President Kuczynski has taken a strong stand against Trump's "America First" agenda, which caught Trump off guard, as he assumed all Russians were behind him 100 percent

Austria

 * 1) President Trump threatens decades-old alliance with Australia by going apeshiat on what was supposed to be a pleasant phone call, because of a pre-existing agreement to take in 1,250 refugees
 * 2) "Who's next, Switzerland?" The internet cannot fathom how Trump started an attack on Australia. Never mess with criminal descendants
 * 3) "When you hear about the tough phone calls I'm having, don't worry about it," Trump said. "Just don't worry about it." Checkmate, libs
 * 4) Apparently Australia has crazy right wing politicians just like America. This illiterate one thinks gays use Nazi mind control to get people to think that gay marriage is OK. Now, she's crawling back under her rock
 * 5) Trump offered a lesson in public relations by the Aussie PM, quoting Winston Churchill. "You're wasting your time complaining about the media." Twitter meltdown in 3, 2, 1

Africa

 * 1) Next up: legalizing blood diamonds, because warlords need hotels too
 * 2) Real Mugabe loves Orange Mugabe
 * 3) African strongmen, Rep. Dana Rohrabacher, "friends in Europe", and Jack f*cking Abramoff. All we need is someone to call a hit and we'll have a terrible noir film