Drumpfster Fire/Archive/2017/January 2017

A compilation of Fark threads related to the dumpster fire that is the administration of the 45th President of the United States of America.

=Head Toupee=

Nicknames
''This section will provide the many nicknames this asshole has earned, with credit when known. They are in approximate order of appearance on the internet.

For the full, categorized list, please visit this page 


 * 1) short-fingered vulgarian (Spy magazine's Graydon Carter and Kurt Andersen)
 * 2) tiny fingered, Cheeto-faced, ferret wearing shitgibbon (@MetalOllie via Twitter)
 * 3) Flim Flam Führer
 * 4) Deadbeat Donnie
 * 5) President Joffrey
 * 6) Cheeto Supreme
 * 7) fecal fingered Caligula
 * 8) Orange Mugabe
 * 9) Marmalade Mussulini
 * 10) Dynamite Shitgibbon
 * 11) Boss Tweet
 * 12) Trumplethinskin
 * 13) Kim Jong Trump
 * 14) President Asterisk
 * 15) President Daddy
 * 16) Prince Trumperdink (Carey Elwes)
 * 17) President Breaking Wind (Sir Ian McKellen via Twitter)
 * 18) ORALLY INCONTINENT PEDDLER OF FLYBLOWN MONKEY BOLLOCKS
 * 19) hairsprayed huckster
 * 20) Cheeto Guevera
 * 21) our national disgrace
 * 22) President Cheetolicious
 * 23) Super Callous Fragile Racist Sexist Nazi POTUS
 * 24) Tangerine gabshite walloper Lorna Wallace, of Kilmarnock in Scotland

Eponyms

 * 1) Trumpsplain

Executive Meaningless Displays of Power or Just Plain Evil or Stupid Shit

 * January, 2017

Executive Orders

 * 1) In his first act as President, Trump cancels planned mortgage insurance rate reduction, costing new FHA homeowners $500/year
 * 2) Women rush to get IUDs because of Trump. Most of them work at the White House
 * 3) Trump poised to sign executive order making it perfectly legal for him to 'disappear' people in CIA black-ops prisons, and do so without any oversight, due process, or international Red Cross monitoring. Be careful what you post here, comrades
 * 4) John McCain will fight Trump on torture. But nothing else, of course
 * 5) To the nations of the world -- we are more than happy to welcome your huddled masses yearning to breathe free. But if it's all the same -- you can just keep the deadbeats and reprobates -- and the people who want to blow us up
 * 6) Trump's appointed Secretary of Defense and CIA Director blindsided by draft of executive order requiring the CIA to revisit using torture. I don't blame them, there are only so many tweets one can keep track off
 * 7) Trump's latest executive order effectively stops US-based online companies from operating in the EU
 * 8) If you thought Trump's executive order directing the Defense Department to hit ISIS harder than it already is was a bit vague, well, you are not alone
 * 9) Steve Bannon personally overruled DHS decision not to include green card holders in travel ban, overruling lawyers and other people who understand things like The Constitution and laws and human rights

Fiddling with foreign relations
This section has become too large, hence it has been given its own page: The World Outside the U.S. Post-Drumpf

FLOTUS

 * 1) Redesigned White House website plugs Melania Trump's QVC jewelry line (Not safe for work images in comment section below article)

Financial Crimes Enforcement Network's (FinCEN) geographic targeting order (GTO)
federal program to investigate using luxury real estate to launder money set to expire February 23, 2017
 * 1) As if they even had to ask

Avoiding Release Of

 * 1) Petition on Whitehouse.gov calling for Trump to release his tax returns has 250,000 signatures. That means he's got to release them, right?
 * 2) Kellyanne Conway states Trump will release his taxes after previously stating he will not release his taxes, in stunning display of Alternative Tax Facts
 * 3) Wikileaks now offering to post Trump's tax returns
 * 4) Trump will continue to not release his tax returns because he never said he would release his taxes. These are the alternative facts as presented by George Orwell's Kellyanne Conway

Leaks

 * 1) "We are three days into the administration and the Trump White House leaks not so much like a sieve as a bucket with no bottom"
 * 2) An alleged mid-level White House staffer tweeted some of the things he's heard going on in the West Wing this week. The account has since been deleted
 * 3) Leaked memo from the EPA reveals no one at the agency--including its new director--knows what the hell is going on with the agency now that Trump's in charge of everything

Possible Russian Interference Of 2016 POTUS Election

 * 1) FBI and 5 other agencies investigating possible financial support from Kremlin to the Trump Campaign. *rubs hands together* ...It begins
 * 2) While Trump is busy at the inauguration ceremony, US Intelligence officials will be analyzing intercepted communications and financial transactions between Russian officials and the Trump campaign

Crimes
This section will include all Fark threads related to crimes committed by the Head Toupee
 * 1) If you had 'Second Day' in your office pool for 'How long into his presidency before Trump violates Presidential Records Act,' step up and claim your prize
 * 2) The cyber security company head arrested for treason in Russia was actually a U.S. spy, and was compromised in September before his arrest. Gee, I wonder what happened in the U.S. in September that could have caused that information leak to Russia
 * 3) Law and Order candidate refuses to obey law or order. DUN DUN

Conflicts of Interest
This section will include all Fark threads related to conflicts of interest this asshole has himself entangled in
 * 1) NYT publishes damning look at Trump's conflicts of interest. Trump: "Hey, everyone, look over here at my batshiat insane recount tweets until this blows over"
 * 2) The ACLU is the first out of the gate to tilt at the windmills
 * 3) Redesigned White House website plugs Melania Trump's QVC jewelry line (Not safe for work images in comment section below article)
 * 4) Trump already setting records as President, with two ethics violation complaints filed against him within his first six hours
 * 5) Wikileaks now offering to post Trump's tax returns
 * 6) Trump will continue to not release his tax returns because he never said he would release his taxes. These are the alternative facts as presented by George Orwell's Kellyanne Conway
 * 7) It's not illegal for Donald Trump to hire his son-in-law as an advisor because reasons
 * 8) Trump Hotels has decided that just right now is great time to launch an expansion aimed at tripling the number of hotels they have. Look for the exicting new Trump Conflict of Interest line of Hotels to start opening next fall
 * 9) If you thought that Trump could sever all of his business ties then this should quell that idea pretty quickly

Pay-to-play

 * 1) Trump drops plan to negotiate drug prices after meeting with Big Pharma lobbyists

Lawsuits
This section will include all Fark threads related to lawsuits filed against the Head Toupee


 * 1) Remember during the Clinton years when conservatives fought an won a long legal battle arguing that the President is not immune from responding to lawsuits while in office? They are about to REALLY regret that
 * 2) Trump sued over violating the emoluments clause
 * 3) How can you tell when the Donald and his Chief of Staff are Lying? They make a face made famous by Newt Gingrich when he was Lying his ass off, and being called on it
 * 4) Shocking news to liberals: Owning a profitable business that does business world-wide does not constitute an emolument. Just ask the first five presidents, who owned farms and plantations
 * 5) Trump held a press conference to say he was divesting from his businesses, but nobody ever got around to telling the ethics office that

25th Amendment Solution

 * 1) Social media postings from the official US Department of Defense accounts sometimes provide an important window into a person's #mentalhealth. Know what to look for
 * 2) Psychologists say Trump exhibits classic signs of mental illness, including "malignant narcissism"

Emoluments Clause

 * 1) Trump sued over violating the emoluments clause

Impeachment

 * 1) President Trump finally gives reason for the GOP to go ahead with impeachment proceedings

=Administration= This section will provide the names and eventual scandals/crimes/general instances of incompetence associated with these assholes

General Institutional Fuckery

 * 1) Trump White House staff is using a private email server
 * 2) You might want to sit down for this one: Donald Trump's outrage over Hillary Clinton's email habits might not have been entirely sincere
 * 3) Forty-two percent of Trump voters ok with his use of private email server
 * 4) Eleven things Trump is doing behind the scenes while everyone freaks out over his Twitter shiat-posts. Come for the rescinding of laws designed to make plane crashes less frequent, stay for the EPA saying the 6000-SUX is America's best car
 * 5) Crazy grandpa still tweeting everything he sees on Fox News. Difficulty: He's President of the United States
 * 6) Washington Post finds five examples of potential voter fraud. In Trump's inner circle
 * 7) How Trump changed the presidency in seven days, the same amount of time it takes that creepy girl from the ring to emerge from your television and kill you
 * 8) Like Melania, Monica Crowley, and Scott Pruitt, another member of Team Trump caught copying off of someone else's paper. This time it seems less plagiarism and more sloppy lawyering, which is totally fine for the Chief White House Counsel right?
 * 9) All administrations encounter problems in first week, from Justice Roberts screwing up oath office with Obama, to Trump almost passing a 20% tax increase on Americans. Totally the same
 * 10) You don't say
 * 11) Misfires and crossed wires (farting in small enclosed space), and a satisfied smile
 * 12) "Yesterday was the trial balloon for a coup d'état against the United States. It gave them useful information"
 * 13) Given the daily liberal head explosions...one might think Trump demolished the Statue of Liberty, or worse, reintroduced school prayer, when all he did is take executive action on January 27 to protect Americans
 * 14) Bush read My Pet Goat as the country was in chaos. Trump watched Finding Dory
 * 15) Reince Priebus says Jews were not specifically mentioned in White House Holocaust statement because it was actually about "everyone's suffering". Because all lives matter, am I right?
 * 16) Facepalm: Trump camp claims a Jew wrote their Holocaust statement which never mentioned Jews. Facepalmier: A Russian Jew wrote the statement
 * 17) Inauguration Rabbi has some words for Trump's Holocaust mishegas
 * 18) Remember yesterday when WH sources claimed that Capitol Hill Staffers wrote Trump's executive Order on immigration? Staffers claim they never saw the damn thing let alone worked on it. Popcorn and lawnchairs available to the right

Vladimir Putin
Russian President
 * 1) Trumpy to receive his latest orders from Master Putin on Saturday
 * 2) If you were wondering who the Russian source was for the Trump dossier, it looks like Putin was, too

Overzealous Staffer(s)

 * 1) It turns out several soon-to-be fired Congressional and Senatorial staffers worked on drafts of the White House's immigration order- without bothering to give their bosses or senior leadership so much as a head's up
 * 2) Remember yesterday when WH sources claimed that Capitol Hill Staffers wrote Trump's executive Order on immigration? Staffers claim they never saw the damn thing let alone worked on it. Popcorn and lawnchairs available to the right

Mike Pence
"Vice" President
 * 1) It is not Donald Trump we should fear; it is the radical crusader Mike Pence, whose anti-LGBT beliefs and history of misogyny are highlighted by gross incompetence
 * 2) Be careful of what you wish for Trump haters, possibly the next President of the United States will be speaking at the March for Life soon
 * 3) Apparently Mike Pence has nothing better to do than go clog up city streets on some sort of protest march today. Sad
 * 4) At the annual "March for Life" VP Mike Pence vows to marchers that he will "work with the Congress to end taxpayer funding of abortion"-which hasn't existed since 1993 when the Hyde Amendment was passed

Steve Bannon
White House chief strategist and Lumpy James May, Gentleman Fascist
 * 1) White House chief strategist Stephen Bannon lashes out at the media calling them "the opposition party" and says they should "keep their mouths shut"
 * 2) The real reason for today's self-inflicted humanitarian crisis was to distract from noticing Steve Bannon giving himself power over the National Security Council
 * 3) Steve Bannon personally overruled DHS decision not to include green card holders in travel ban, overruling lawyers and other people who understand things like The Constitution and laws and human rights
 * 4) Headline: Questions multiply over Bannon's role in Trump administration. Oh rly, ya think?
 * 5) In a week, Steve Bannon has amassed a serious amount of power. What's his secret? Bloodless coup...all smotherings
 * 6) Now that Steve Bannon has accumulated so much power under the Trump administration, let's take a look at what he believes...Derp Derp Armageddon, Wharrgarbl, Derp...Oh boy, these are going to be a long 8 years

Shadow Cabinet

 * 1) Sure Trump's normal cabinet looks pretty bad, but wait 'til you get a load of his shadow cabinet

Reince Priebus
Chief of Staff
 * 1) Reince Priebus says Jews were not specifically mentioned in White House Holocaust statement because it was actually about "everyone's suffering". Because all lives matter, am I right?

Jared Kushnet
Son-in-law
 * 1) It's not illegal for Donald Trump to hire his son-in-law as an advisor because reasons

National Security Council

 * 1) The real reason for today's self-inflicted humanitarian crisis was to distract from noticing Steve Bannon giving himself power over the National Security Council
 * 2) Steve Bannon personally overruled DHS decision not to include green card holders in travel ban, overruling lawyers and other people who understand things like The Constitution and laws and human rights
 * 3) Trump puts the CIA chief back on the NSC after he promises to bring donuts to all the meetings

Erik Prince
Secret Advisor
 * 1) Betsy DeVos has a brother, perhaps you might have heard of him. His name is Erik Prince, the mercenary and founder of Blackwater, who thought Christianity was in the midst of a new crusade against Muslims, and is also secretly advising Donald Trump

Vladimir Lenin
Leninist Tactics Advisor
 * 1) Want to understand what Trump and Bannon are up to? Look to the Russian Revolution of 1917

Supreme Court Nominee(s)

 * 1) Let's look at Trump's Supreme Court nominations, which is a lot like looking right into the Ark of the Covenant
 * 2) Place your bets on Trump's Supreme Court nominee, winners will be paid Tuesday
 * 3) Trump may force through SCOTUS nominee. "We have obstructionists." Irony tag implodes
 * 4) Like some squamous, eldritch horror rising from the depths of the sea once the stars are again right, Trump Supreme Court pick to be unveiled Tuesday
 * 5) The finalists / contestants for the Miss Supreme Court pageant are getting ready to strut their stuff tonight with Trump. Winner of the swimsuit portion usually gets the nod
 * 6) We're down to the Final Two, and Trump is ready to announce his Supreme Court nominee, as Merrick Garland and the rest of us watch. Tribal Council at the White House to begin at 8 PM EST

Sean Spicer
White House Press Secretary
 * 1) (first official press conference January 21, 2017) "The President has a large penis. While there is no way to measure everyone's penis size, the President has the biggest penis in history"
 * 2) White House press secretary and Alternative Facts spokesperson is a Cosplay fan. Admit it, you want to see him as Pinkie Pie
 * 3) Spicer says, don't worry, we'll have a separate-but-equal Spanish language Blanco Casa website up soon
 * 4) Bullshiat Spice might soon find himself alternate-employed after a week on the job
 * 5) So much for the press growing a pair: Washington Post reporters praise Trump's press secretary for blatantly lying with more composure at yesterday's press conference
 * 6) Lies and the lying liars who are Sean Spicer
 * 7) Spicer tweets out his password. In case you were wondering how the nukes got launched
 * 8) Not news: White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer takes aim at CNN. News: For calling people demonstrating "demonstrators"
 * 9) Sean Spicer: "The letter from the White House circulating federal agencies about reinstating torture isn't a product of the White House"
 * 10) Guess which White House employee retweeted and praised an Onion article that ridiculed him? Go ahead, betcha won't get it right on the first try
 * 11) Bullshiat Spice dropping his latest single at 1:30 pm EST (LGT White House livestream)
 * 12) When it's time to defend the absolutely indefensible, Sean Spicer is your guy: Asked at a press conference about a 5-year old boy handcuffed by CPB agents at Dulles Airport: It would be "misguided" to think kids "don't pose a threat"
 * 13) Ah, it's the old "some of my best friends are Jews" excuse
 * 14) Reporter: Will everyone who disgarees with Trump get fired? Sean Spicer: "It comes with the job"
 * 15) Sean Spicer to Media: How dare you call the travel ban a "ban"? It was a "vetting system". Media: bro, did you even read your boss' Tweets? Spicer: well yes he DID say "ban" but only because: "he's using the words that the media is using"

Kellyanne Conway
Counselor to the President
 * 1) You know you've really messed up when Merriam-Webster takes the time to call out your "alternative facts"
 * 2) Kellyanne Conway has her own Secret Service detail because she says thanks to the liberal media, she's started receiving death threats. Or maybe she started receiving fashion advice; either way, we're paying for her protection
 * 3) Networks debate whether or not they should continue interviewing emaciated ghoul and bullshiat fountain Kellyanne Conway
 * 4) Looks like more than one alt-right person was punched this weekend. Difficulty: Kellyanne Conway was the puncher
 * 5) Kellyanne Conway mistakenly calls on businesses to raise their wages to livable numbers, though she'll claim it's an alternative fact designed to get them to lower wages
 * 6) According to White House whatever-the-hell-she-is Kellyanne Conway, families being separated, legal permanent residents being indefinitely detained, and even citizens being denied entry into the US are a "small price to pay" for greater security
 * 7) Banshee Kellyanne Conway demands media outlets fire anchors and reporters who criticize Trump
 * 8) Now that the Kremlin has their stooge in power, they want to talk to him about reconsidering these tiresome sanctions that are hurting relations between the two countries

Michael Flynn
National Security Adviser
 * 1) Michael Flynn's extensive Russia ties are under investigation
 * 2) Junior
 * 3) Michael Flynn's son calls Trump's executive order a Muslim ban on Twitter, then deletes his Tweet sometime later, presumably after daddy lectured him

Reed Corish
assistant to the president for intergovernmental and technology initiatives
 * 1) Trump's latest adviser being sued for simply trying to "lighten up" the club scene

John Gore
Attorney General for Civil Rights
 * 1) Trump selects next head of DOJ Civil Rights Division - the guy who *defended* North Carolina's "bathroom bill"

Julia Hahn
special assistant to the president
 * 1) Trump hires Breitbart writer to make alternative facts great again

Alex Jones
"journalist"
 * 1) Alex Jones, who believes the 1st graders killed at Sandy Hook were paid actors and that the Air Force is creating tornadoes in the Midwest, has been given White House press credentials. Now drink your Brawndo

Peter Navarro
Director of the National Trade Council
 * 1) Donald Trump's economic advisor to CNBC: "Citigroup and JPMorgan are garbage, fake news"

Puzder, Labor Nominee

 * 1) The Carl's Jr./Hardees CEO, and Trump's Secretary of Labor nominee, just wants to make life for fast food employees better by eliminating things like minimum wage, breaks and working extra hours without pay
 * 2) Trump's really into jobs which is why his choice for Labor Secretary outsourced a bunch of them. He just wanted to make the Philippines great again

Price, Health and Human Services Nominee

 * 1) Trump's pick to lead the HHS department invested in a drug company, then introduced a bill a week later to help that same company

Pruitt, Environmental Protection Agency Nominee

 * 1) Professional Swamp Drainer Donald Trump now facing a reality where his EPA selection was just implicated in a Super PAC scandal
 * 2) Trump EPA pick would hold off on deciding to recuse himself from lawsuits until after he's had a chance to clear out the in-house ethics agency

Mnuchin, Treasury Nominee

 * 1) Mnuchin: Silly libs, taxes are for little people
 * 2) This may come as a shock, but Trump's nominee for U.S. treasury secretary has been accused of being untruthful with the Senate during the confirmation process #alternativefacts

DeVos, Education Secretary

 * 1) Old and busted: Student plagiarizes answers to questionnaire. New hotness: Secretary of Education plagiarizes answers to questionnaire