Drumpfster Fire Misinformation/Archive/2017/January 2017

'''Originally this page was but a simple section on the "Drumpfster Fire Misinformation" main page. It became more ambitious and was given it's own seperate page to grow and prosper.'''

This is an archive of Drumpfster Fire Misinformation Fark threads for the month of January, 2017

Click this link for the current month, or here for the archive.

I Know Words, I Have The Best Words

 * 1) And so it begins (warning: weapons-grade derp)
 * 2) Trump's bizarre Inaugural speechwriting photo: Taken at a Mar-A-Lago concierge's desk, while holding a Sharpie and a blank pad of paper while looking like a petulant child
 * 3) Internet has fun with Trump's inaugural speech writing photo which appears to be Trump posing in front of a pile of blank paper taken at his secretary's desk. It does appear to be the closest that Trump has ever gotten to writing something
 * 4) The Old State Department Library now has a total of five different books in it, plus a few duplicates. Guess who they are all by or about.. Subby will be off in the corner trying to drink it all away

There's Nobody's Bigger Or Better At The Military Than I Am

 * 1) "It's very scary to have the nuclear launch codes, but if the time comes, I'll do the right thing," vows President Trump in the most terrifying presidential interview and headline you'll see this week
 * 2) Good news everyone Trump has fixed the F-35 and now it's a 'Great plane' and he's knocked off $600M off the sticker price. Tremendous negotiation skills at work. Well, that and the already planned for price reduction was designed into the contract
 * 3) Torture works; it's great. Everybody loves torture. We're going to be the #1 exporter of torture. It's going to be great, and Mexico's going to pay for it
 * 4) President who considered sleeping around in the 1970s to be his own personal Vietnam does not believe that water boarding constitutes torture
 * 5) Look, Trump IS proving to be a unifier. For ISIS recruiting
 * 6) After massive protests, international condemnation, and getting knocked down by the courts, Trump decides the best thing to do is ... double down, of course. What, you were expecting a rational reaction?

We Had A Massive Landslide Victory

 * 1) In his second act as President, Trump issues proclamation for a "National Day of Patriotism". No word on if synchronized goose-stepping will be part of the festivities or not
 * 2) Donald Trump's Patriot Day proclamation proves that he's the Chuck Tingle of Patriot Porn
 * 3) Donald Trump has just declared January 20th, 2017 "National Day of Patriotic Devotion". Other possible names include "Trumpoween", "TrumpsGiving" "Trumptoberfest" "Trumpsmas" "Donaldpalooza"

I Won The Popular Vote
if you deduct the millions of people who voted illegally
 * 1) The reason Trump is so sure of voter fraud? He has it from the best sources that it occurs
 * 2) The whole millions of illegal aliens fixation Trump has comes from a story that a German golfer supposedly told where he couldn't vote in Florida and was surrounded by illegal voters. Except that golfer didn't tell the story and is not a voter
 * 3) Bernhard Langer didn't tell Trump the story about the "illegals". Trump's evidence for widespread fraud was from a story that a friend told Langer, who told it to another friend, who got it to Trump. Telephone, libs
 * 4) The source of Trump's 3 million illegal votes figure is some guy that made a voting fraud app. And owes $100k in backtaxes. And funneled state contracts to businesses he had ties to. In two state governments
 * 5) President Trump is about to destroy the P.C. thought police who say interest in valid elections is racist and that claims of fraud are nuts

Wait A Minute, I Made A Speech

 * 1) 'It looked like a million': Trump whines the media is lying that his inauguration crowd was small
 * 2) "The President has a large penis. While there is no way to measure everyone's penis size, the President has the biggest penis in history"
 * 3) 'Baghdad Sean': Internet rips Trump press secretary for lie that inauguration crowd was 'largest ever'
 * 4) Fox News says Trump and Spicer are wrong about inauguration crowd size. FOX NEWS. But some guy lied about the removal of the MLK bust, so there
 * 5) The New York Times plays with the idea of showing it has a spine
 * 6) The new rhetorical frame for all the lies we're going to be subjected to by the White House is "alternative facts." Bonus quote: "There's no way to really quantify crowds" because apparently Kellyanne Conway has never heard of numbers
 * 7) Secret Service slaps down White House claim that 'magnetometers' shrank inaugural crowd size
 * 8) 1. Argue with media over crowd size 2. Double down when shown facts 3. ???? 4. Hang inauguration photo in the press hall
 * 9) You're not going to believe this, but someone called the Head of the National Parks Service to make pictures of the inauguration look yuge

I Like The Fact That You All Voted For Me

 * 1) Cakeghazi
 * 2) The cake was not only plagiarism, it was also a lie

We May Have To Get You A Larger Room

 * 1) Transcript of Trump's speech to the CIA. Don't miss the scariest part: In Trump's mind, the law enforcement, military, and intelligence communities are all the same thing
 * 2) Remember the cheering CIA agents at Trump's speech? Turns out they're as authentic as the 'fans' who jump into the ring to answer wrestlers' challenges on WWE Raw
 * 3) About that CIA standing ovation
 * 4) In his first interview with the mainstream media, President Trump reveals that he believes his rambling, almost incoherent, CIA address was "one of the great speeches" because Fox said so. Also knows he's handsome and smart cause his Mom told him so

I Think [Putin Has] Done Really A Great Job Of Outsmarting Our Country

 * 1) Law and Order candidate refuses to obey law or order. DUN DUN

[Not Paying Taxes] That Makes Me Smart

 * 1) Wikileaks now offering to post Trump's tax returns
 * 2) Trump will continue to not release his tax returns because he never said he would release his taxes. These are the alternative facts as presented by George Orwell's Kellyanne Conway

Trust Me. I’m Like A Smart Person

 * 1) Shocking news to liberals: Owning a profitable business that does business world-wide does not constitute an emolument. Just ask the first five presidents, who owned farms and plantations
 * 2) How can you tell when the Donald and his Chief of Staff are Lying? They make a face made famous by Newt Gingrich when he was Lying his ass off, and being called on it
 * 3) Trump held a press conference to say he was divesting from his businesses, but nobody ever got around to telling the ethics office that
 * 4) The ACLU is the first out of the gate to tilt at the windmills
 * 5) You might want to sit down for this one: Donald Trump's outrage over Hillary Clinton's email habits might not have been entirely sincere
 * 6) Redesigned White House website plugs Melania Trump's QVC jewelry line (Not safe for work images in comment section below article)
 * 7) Remember Trump's big day forever with this beautiful commemorative plate
 * 8) Donald Trump: "A balanced budget is no longer important to me." Hey, remember those guys who only cared about the budget? You know, the ones who spent 8 years protesting Obama? What were their names? T-something. Damn, it's on the tip of my tongue

I Love The Poorly Educated
The links from this section were moved to this page

I'll Choose The Best People For My Administration

 * 1) So much for the press growing a pair: Washington Post reporters praise Trump's press secretary for blatantly lying with more composure at yesterday's press conference
 * 2) Trump wants you to know he totally fired those quitters first

Sean Spicer
White House Press Secretary
 * 1) Not news: White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer takes aim at CNN. News: For calling people demonstrating "demonstrators"
 * 2) Sean Spicer: "The letter from the White House circulating federal agencies about reinstating torture isn't a product of the White House"
 * 3) When it's time to defend the absolutely indefensible, Sean Spicer is your guy: Asked at a press conference about a 5-year old boy handcuffed by CPB agents at Dulles Airport: It would be "misguided" to think kids "don't pose a threat"

Kellyanne Conway
Counselor to the President
 * 1) Kellyanne Conway has her own Secret Service detail because she says thanks to the liberal media, she's started receiving death threats. Or maybe she started receiving fashion advice; either way, we're paying for her protection
 * 2) Networks debate whether or not they should continue interviewing emaciated ghoul and bullshiat fountain Kellyanne Conway
 * 3) Looks like more than one alt-right person was punched this weekend. Difficulty: Kellyanne Conway was the puncher
 * 4) Kellyanne Conway mistakenly calls on businesses to raise their wages to livable numbers, though she'll claim it's an alternative fact designed to get them to lower wages
 * 5) According to White House whatever-the-hell-she-is Kellyanne Conway, families being separated, legal permanent residents being indefinitely detained, and even citizens being denied entry into the US are a "small price to pay" for greater security
 * 6) Banshee Kellyanne Conway demands media outlets fire anchors and reporters who criticize Trump
 * 7) Now that the Kremlin has their stooge in power, they want to talk to him about reconsidering these tiresome sanctions that are hurting relations between the two countries

Erik Prince
Secret Advisor
 * 1) Betsy DeVos has a brother, perhaps you might have heard of him. His name is Erik Prince, the mercenary and founder of Blackwater, who thought Christianity was in the midst of a new crusade against Muslims, and is also secretly advising Donald Trump

John Gore
Attorney General for Civil Rights
 * 1) Trump selects next head of DOJ Civil Rights Division - the guy who *defended* North Carolina's "bathroom bill"

Julia Hahn
special assistant to the president
 * 1) Trump hires Breitbart writer to make alternative facts great again

Alex Jones
"journalist"
 * 1) Alex Jones, who believes the 1st graders killed at Sandy Hook were paid actors and that the Air Force is creating tornadoes in the Midwest, has been given White House press credentials. Now drink your Brawndo

Peter Navarro
Director of the National Trade Council
 * 1) Donald Trump's economic advisor to CNBC: "Citigroup and JPMorgan are garbage, fake news"

Andrew Puzder
nominee for Secretary of Labor
 * 1) The Carl's Jr./Hardees CEO, and Trump's Secretary of Labor nominee, just wants to make life for fast food employees better by eliminating things like minimum wage, breaks and working extra hours without pay
 * 2) Trump's really into jobs which is why his choice for Labor Secretary outsourced a bunch of them. He just wanted to make the Philippines great again

Tom Price
nominee for Secretary of Health and Human Services
 * 1) Trump's pick to lead the HHS department invested in a drug company, then introduced a bill a week later to help that same company

Scott Pruitt
nominee for Director of the Environmental Protection Agency
 * 1) Professional Swamp Drainer Donald Trump now facing a reality where his EPA selection was just implicated in a Super PAC scandal
 * 2) Trump EPA pick would hold off on deciding to recuse himself from lawsuits until after he's had a chance to clear out the in-house ethics agency

Steve Mnuchin
nominee for Treasury Secretary
 * 1) Mnuchin: Silly libs, taxes are for little people
 * 2) This may come as a shock, but Trump's nominee for U.S. treasury secretary has been accused of being untruthful with the Senate during the confirmation process #alternativefacts

Betsy DeVos
nominee for Education Secretary
 * 1) Old and busted: Student plagiarizes answers to questionnaire. New hotness: Secretary of Education plagiarizes answers to questionnaire

Donald F. McGahn
Chief White House counsel
 * 1) Like Melania, Monica Crowley, and Scott Pruitt, another member of Team Trump caught copying off of someone else's paper. This time it seems less plagiarism and more sloppy lawyering, which is totally fine for the Chief White House Counsel right?

I Will Restore Law And Order To Our Country

 * 1) Trump issues statement saying religious ban on Muslims is "not about religion"
 * 2) Trump blames Delta and protestors for the confusion around refugees detained at airports
 * 3) "Trump's base couldn't care less about the immigration ban uproar"
 * 4) 'Lots of bad dudes, hombres... whatevers. Very threaten, much scared, so sad.'
 * 5) You know that talking point that Trump's ban is much less than the ban by Obama in 2011? Well it only gets Three Pinocchios when fact checked. Alternative facts strike again
 * 6) Trump immigrant temporary ban might become a permaban, and deportations might include "even those who have not been charged but are believed to have committed acts that constitute a chargeable criminal offense.". Precog hirings in 3..2
 * 7) Trump administration announces plan to fast-track Christian refugees entering the United States. Mysteriously, number of Christians fleeing persecution in the middle east increases 5000% overnight
 * 8) Trump says Syrian Christian refugees will be given priority when it comes to applying for refugee status in the United States
 * 9) Sean Spicer to Media: How dare you call the travel ban a "ban"? It was a "vetting system". Media: bro, did you even read your boss' Tweets? Spicer: well yes he DID say "ban" but only because: "he's using the words that the media is using"
 * 10) Given the daily liberal head explosions...one might think Trump demolished the Statue of Liberty, or worse, reintroduced school prayer, when all he did is take executive action on January 27 to protect Americans

I Am The Least Anti-Semetic Person

 * 1) Reince Priebus says Jews were not specifically mentioned in White House Holocaust statement because it was actually about "everyone's suffering". Because all lives matter, am I right?
 * 2) Facepalm: Trump camp claims a Jew wrote their Holocaust statement which never mentioned Jews. Facepalmier: A Russian Jew wrote the statement
 * 3) Inauguration Rabbi has some words for Trump's Holocaust mishegas
 * 4) Ah, it's the old "some of my best friends are Jews" excuse

I Am The Least Racist Person

 * 1) President Donald Trump is going to publish a list of crimes committed by immigrants for public display. The Nazi paper 'The Criminal Jew,' did the same, publishing photos of Jews who had committed crimes

I Alone Can Fix It
While the State exists there can be no freedom; when there is freedom there will be no State
 * 1) "Yesterday was the trial balloon for a coup d'état against the United States. It gave them useful information"


 * 1) EPA employees banned from social media, talking to the press. Yeah, like the press won't catch wind of this
 * 2) Stop asking "what happened to the agency news feed?", citizen
 * 3) EPA site to be scrubbed clean of climate
 * 4) All EPA scientific studies must now be vetted by a political officer. This is fine
 * 5) Donald's foolish demonization of Federal workers
 * 6) Trump wants you to know he totally fired those quitters first
 * 7) One hour after inauguration Whitehouse websites for climate change, discrimination, and civil rights disappear
 * 8) So Team Trump didn't scrub all references to climate change, the Affordable Care Act, and disability rights from the White House website because of their Neanderthal ideology so much as their rank incompetence
 * 9) Spicer says, don't worry, we'll have a separate-but-equal Spanish language Blanco Casa website up soon
 * 10) White House takes down all Spanish language content from new WhiteHouse.gov website. Spanish will return to the site when they find someone who can translate all the alternate facts
 * 11) EPA site to be scrubbed clean of climate
 * 12) Administration removes Judicial Branch as part of the government on White House site. I'm sure this is just an oversight
 * 13) Candidate Trump: "We will spend a trillion dollars to fix up our infrastructure." Democrats: "Great, here's a plan on how to do that." President Trump: "Whoa, whoa, whoa, was I talking to *you* people? I don't think so"