Drumpfster Fire/Archive/2017/March 2017

This is an archive of Drumpfster Fire Fark threads for the month of March, 2017 Click this link for the current month, or here for the rest of the archive.

=Head Toupee=

Nicknames
''This section will provide the many nicknames this asshole has earned for the month of March, 2017 with credit when known. They are in approximate order of appearance on the internet.''

For the full, categorized list, please visit this page
 * 1) Orange Death
 * 2) Tangerine Twitterer
 * 3) kommander combover
 * 4) President Abusive Dad
 * 5) Surrogate President Trump
 * 6) Adolf Twitler
 * 7) Drumpfrey Blowhard
 * 8) President Trainwreck
 * 9) Trumperdorf
 * 10) President Jellyman
 * 11) douchebag Donnie
 * 12) High Lord Douchebag
 * 13) Tweaker Tweeter
 * 14) Thalidomide Thumbs
 * 15) The Commander in Cheet
 * 16) Daffy Drumpf
 * 17) L. Don Blubbard
 * 18) His Orangeness
 * 19) WTF in Chief
 * 20) Herr Twitler
 * 21) Daft Trump
 * 22) Orange-Crested Shiatgibbon
 * 23) Hairmonger Cheeto Sh*tgibbon
 * 24) Pitiful Orange Unsophisticated Twerp Scumbag (POUTS)
 * 25) crybaby in chief
 * 26) Trumpovich
 * 27) Comrade Pissbaby
 * 28) Don the Con
 * 29) Toddler Psychopath (John Oliver)
 * 30) the Stopped Clock of Assholes (John Oliver)
 * 31) Cult 45
 * 32) The Great Orange One
 * 33) Millionaire Asshole Golfing Again
 * 34) King Cheetos
 * 35)  Your Orangeness
 * 36) Bloviated Blowhard
 * 37) President Dipshiat
 * 38) Mango-in-Chief
 * 39) President Dunning J. Kruger
 * 40) President Cheeto Pedo

Eponyms

 * 1) Theory of Trumpitivity
 * 2) trumpian
 * 3) Trumparrhea
 * 4) Trumplomacy (BBC)
 * Trumping when a white man takes credit for the work of a black man

Review

 * 1) Day 50: Trump keeps signing whatever the fark you put in front of him and only using executive power
 * 2) If you wanted your Decline and Fall of the American Republic in graph form, we've got you covered
 * 3) Headline: "Donald Trump is more normal than you think"
 * 4) Trump is having the worst week of his Presidency, but he can still turn this thing around. All he has to do is figure out intelligence, patience, humility, empathy, and wisdom over his morning coffee today

Steele Dossier

 * 1) Castor bean and polonium futures surge as Trump Dossier author Christopher Steele emerges in London eager to return to his position as head of Orbis Business Intelligence. Something tells me we're about to see an extremely busy news cycle
 * 2) Rep. Maxine Waters: "We know" Trump sex blackmail is "absolutely true." Which is such a coincidence because Max Waters was the name of one of his Russian prostitutes
 * 3) Claims to existence of Trump's sex tapes are being watered down

"Commander" in "Chief"

 * 1) Trump to send 1000 troops to Syria because you can't win wars if you don't fight them
 * 2) Mideast surge has Pentagon concerned with 'mission creep' resulting from orders from 'commander creep'

Laws Signed

 * 1) Of the three bills and two executive orders President Trumpler signed yesterday, guess which one wasn't given a signing ceremony or photoshoot

Executive Orders

 * 1) Of the three bills and two executive orders President Trumpler signed yesterday, guess which one wasn't given a signing ceremony or photoshoot
 * 2) Trump: "My new and improved travel ban is flawless, see you in court liberotardos" Lawyers and judges: "You are really bad at this"
 * 3) Trump's travel ban preventing certain groups from coming into US. Do those groupds groups include A: Al Queda? B: ISIS? or C: The Canadian version of the Girl Scouts?
 * 4) Day 50: Trump keeps signing whatever the fark you put in front of him and only using executive power
 * 5) Trump signs executive order asking every department "just what do they do around here?"
 * 6) Barring a court ruling, travel ban takes effect at midnight. This IS a repeat
 * 7) Federal judge to Trump: What part of "you can't have a Muslim travel ban" did you not understand the first time around, dumbass?
 * 8) Five GOP judges supported the travel ban
 * 9) Maryland judge likes the cut of Hawaii judge's jib, and issues another ban on Trump's travel ban. So for those playing along at home: The revised ban has been banned and banned again
 * 10) "How does 'no' sound to you? What, you don't like that word? Better get used to it"
 * 11) The real impact of Trump's "enhanced vetting": No African Citizens Could Attend A Summit On African Trade, Held in California, After Visas Were Denied

"Budget"

 * 1) Trump's first budget proposal: BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD, SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE
 * 2) We now have our first federal budget from Trump, and the best way to summarize it is "If it's not related to killing brown people, get rid of it. Also, we're paying for the wall"
 * 3) Trump's budget cuts all funding for climate change research. Every. Last. Penny
 * 4) Mulvaney: "We can't ask a coal miner to pay for the Corporation for Public Broadcasting." This story brought to you by the letters 'W,' 'T' and 'F'
 * 5) Trump's NASA budget includes Mars mission and little else. Budget for movie The Martian was bigger
 * 6) "What America would look like under the Trump budget" wrote someone who apparently can't accept that Trump is President and his party controls everything
 * 7) Trump plan to cut foreign aid comes just as the threat of famine is surging in various places around the world, fomenting unrest and destabilizing regions the US is trying to stabilize to prevent ISIS from making inroads
 * 8) If you invested heavily in cat food futures after the election, your payoff is on its way
 * 9) GOP to Trump: No, you can't shut down Meals on Wheels
 * 10) Since the White House argued that Meals on Wheels is going to be cut because it has not shown any results, I'm sure you'll be shocked to hear that there is actual research that proves otherwise
 * 11) Donations to Meals on Wheels surge after announcement of funding cuts. See? The system works
 * 12) Reason magazine has never suffered through a PBS telethon
 * 13) Donald Trump may succeed in accomplishing what Mitt Romney could not do: Taking down Big Bird
 * 14) President Trump's budget would turn the US into a heavily-guarded shiatpile
 * 15) Congressional Republicans rebuke Trump's budget
 * 16) Trump's budget motto: Nothing helps, so we should stop trying
 * 17) Having wrested Pennsylvania, Ohio, and West Virginia out of Democratic hands, Donald Trump proposes screwing them over completely... along with red states Kentucky and Tennessee
 * 18) Mayor says Trump's budget would be 'devastating' to New Orleans, and that city knows a thing or two about devastation
 * 19) Sarcasm-illiterate (or actually illiterate) Trump press staffers include link to parody article skewering budget proposal in official daily briefing
 * 20) So, if we eliminate funding for the National Endowment for the Arts, what could we use that money for? How about building one mile of the 405 freeway? Wait, make that "not even a mile"
 * 21) John Oliver tries to explain the Trump budget but realizes it's impossible as he doesn't speak "fluent toddler psychopath"
 * 22) Neil deGrasse Tyson: Trump's Budget Will Make America Weak, Sick & Stupid. Obvious tag is really getting a workout this morning
 * 23) Trump's budget is how the U.S. hands over leadership of 21st century technology to China. It is nothing short of superpower suicide
 * 24) The age of open government is ending
 * 25) GOP Representatives: Here we'll put $75* billion into the bill. Don't ask what it does. We won't know until the Senate passes it
 * 26) Hold onto your pensions: The Jeff Sessions DoJ is doing everything it can to enable white-collar crime
 * 27) Republicans upset with Sec Def Mattis because he is proving too responsible and independent with his appointment, refusing to appoint political operatives or to push for an increase to the defense budget as they are demanding
 * 28) Secret Service needs an additional 5,424,954 Meals on Wheels to protect President Trump's family and private home

Fiddling with regulations

 * 1) Trump finds another way to improve health care in Michigan
 * 2) President Trump wants to privatize the nation's air traffic controllers to save money. What could possibly go wrong?

Foreign Policy
To view the chaos caused around the world by America's blunder, please visit this page: The World Outside the U.S. Post-Drumpf



Misinformation
This section has become too large, hence it has been given its own page: Drumpfster Fire Misinformation

Executive grifting

 * 1) Let me tell you, this David guy, OK? He's got a camp, and it's garbage. I mean, just the worst. I'm not the only one saying it, everybody hates this guy's camp, believe me. The door handles are made of wood, there's barns... it's a total mess
 * 2) Trump's sons are plotting to leverage their ties established during the campaign
 * 3) Whine bar sues Trump
 * 4) Donald Trump will host China's president at Mar-A-Lago because why not waste more taxpayer dollars
 * 5) Another day, another GOP survey. You would think that if they wanted to get feedback from voters, they would hold townhalls or something


 * 1) Trump claims he is holding a big meeting on how to overhaul the VA at Mar-a-Lago because it was "the most convenient place" and "everybody wanted to go there". Also, Donald? Stop trying to make "The Southern White House" happen. It's embarrassing
 * 2) This weekend, you paid Trump the approximate cost of 500,000 Meals on Wheels for a "Veterans Affairs meeting" in Mar-a-Lago. Only it seems he forgot to bring the VA secretary. Or even to schedule the meeting
 * 3) Eric and Donald Jr. run daddy's businesses and are continually Tweeting about his policies while trying desperately not to violate various ethics laws. More than they already have
 * 4) Whether it's residents in his Trump-branded buildings, or his business associates or investors in his projects, Trump is tied up with not just Russians, but in many cases Russians tied to the criminal underworld and money laundering

Possible Release Of

 * 1) Microwave some popcorn (make sure you cover the camera first). Rachel Maddow says she has Trump's tax returns. Tonight at 9PM EDT on MSNBC
 * 2) White House releases tax info before Maddow's show, then Trump gets on the Twitter and calls it fake. WTF is this guy's problem?
 * 3) Donald Trump Jr. goes on Twitter rant about fake news after Rachel Maddow unveiled his father's very real tax returns
 * 4) Trump attorney challenges Scarborough to prove Trump team is behind tax leak, because proof is something everyone else has to provide
 * 5) And the biggest revelation from President Trump's leaked tax return? He will benefit more than anyone else with his proposed tax plan
 * 6) Yesterday on MSNBC Rachel Maddow was Charlie Brown to Donald Trump's Lucy holding the football
 * 7) Maddow: Guys, there's a reason his campaign theme was "You can't always get what you want"
 * 8) Rachel Maddow rickrolled her liberal flock, and they love her for it and can't wait for the next benevolent serving of anti-Trump scraps
 * 9) David Cay Johnston leaked Trump's 2005 tax returns
 * 10) "I know we at MSNBC done goofed. But hey, its real, so at least we got that going for us"
 * 11) Is MSNBC lackey Rachel Maddow in legal trouble for publishing Trump's tax return? Probably not but she should be
 * 12) Forbes Magazine says Donald Trump's net worth has dropped by $1 billion over the past year. Trump says no problem, I'll just take trips to Mar-a-Lago twice every week and start holding state dinners there

Leaks

 * 1) President Trump's latest attempt to stop the damaging leaks coming from the White House leaks to the press
 * 2) Fmr. NSA analyst: Intel sources say White House 'targeting journalists' with 'help from Russian intel' - Nothing to see here, move along comrade
 * 3) David Cay Johnston leaked Trump's 2005 tax returns
 * 4) "I know we at MSNBC done goofed. But hey, its real, so at least we got that going for us"

Desperate Attempt to Make Investigating A Leak A Thing

 * 1) Rep Trey Gowdy attempts a high profile "But what about..." during the Comey hearing, but doesn't quite stick the landing

Investigations
For the full mess, please visit the archive

General

 * 1) Fired U.S. Attorney for New York Preet Bharara sends out a Tweet that STRONGLY suggests that he was investigating Trump when he was fired
 * 2) The FBI is fully cooperating with the Russia investigation

Not Under Investigation

 * 1) WH: It's fine, just fine, nothing to see here. There are no investigations targeting the President, and if there were, we cannot comment on on-going investigations anyway. So there. Nailed it

Trump Campaign Contacts with Russians

 * 1) A timeline of Jeff Sessions' relationship with the Trump campaign and his own conversations with Russian officials
 * 2) Just in case you've lost count here's a list of Trump's campaign advisors, that we know of at this writing, who have met with the Russians just to say hi and shoot the shiat
 * 3) Sorry Dems, the whole Jeff Sessions gig you've got going is nothing but fake news
 * 4) And here it is. The stupidest thing you will read all day
 * 5) Russia's foreign minister decries the investigations into the Trump Administration's contacts with Russia using nearly identical language to that which Trump himself used. Dude, you're NOT helping
 * 6) Trump campaign: We had nothing to do with altering the RNC platform to effectively cede Ukraine to Russia. Reality: The platform was altered by a campaign staffer on orders from Trump himself
 * 7) After every Trump revelation, the following 13 step formula is followed, rinsed and repeated
 * 8) Let's check in on the only Russian Trump *hasn't* talked to
 * 9) That time when candidate Trump met with the Russian Ambassador and then lied about it
 * 10) FBI and NSA called to testify on Trump-Russia investigation. CIA was going to be called, but thanks to Wikileaks, Congress already knows what CIA was going to say anyway
 * 11) Sen. Murphy says what many of us are thinking, Wikileaks timing for releasing this info on the CIA is suspiciously timed, almost as if they were trying to deflect attention from something else, but what could that be?
 * 12) Nothing to see here -- just Trump associates directly communicating with Russian hackers mere weeks before the DNC was hacked
 * 13) AG Sessions: "Khorosho, ya sdelayu vse, chto vozmozhno, chtoby vosstanovit' nezavisimost' i professionalizm Ministerstva yustitsii"
 * 14) Trump Campaign Knew
 * 15) Paul Manafort's protégé? Russian collaborator
 * 16) White House finally responds to growing questions about Wikileaks CIA dump, Trump's wiretap accusation and connections to Russia...by canceling all press events
 * 17) FBI continues investigating the "odd" cyber link between a Russian bank and Trump's corporate holdings
 * 18) All of Trump's ties to Russia laid out in one easy char- Really? Seven? We need THAT Many? OK, fine: All of Trump's ties to Russia laid out in SEVEN, actually fairly complicated charts
 * 19) Spicer will finally reveal the wiretapping evidence against Obama- or implode. (Live at 1ish EST)
 * 20) FTFA: In what can be described as journalistic malpractice and a gross dereliction of duty, the alt-left radical propaganda press continues to insist there is some nefarious connection between President Trump and Moscow. Evidence? They don't need any
 * 21) James Comey to officially reveal if FBI is investigating Trump's ties to Russia during presidential election
 * 22) Russian oligarch who purchased Trump's Palm Beach mansion for way above market price, admits his plane and Trump's shared a tarmac in North Carolina days before the election, but totally did not meet or anything, trust him
 * 23) RT thought Michael Flynn was worth paying $45K to speak in Moscow. This means something, right?
 * 24) If you're gonna sell out your country to the Russians, at least do it for more than a lousy $68k
 * 25) "Circumstantial evidence" regarding collusion between Russia and Trump campaign. The seven or so Trump surrogates who had many meetings with Russians not withstanding
 * 26) Trump: Russia story is 'FAKE NEWS and everyone knows it'
 * 27) Will Comey reveal that Trump is a puppet? Will the pee tape come to light? Will Trump demand Comey's head after the hearing? THIS is your House Intelligence Committee Hearing on Russia-gate thread (hearing starts at 10 AM EDT on C-SPAN)
 * 28) Comey confirms the FBI is investigating Trump team for Russia connections they can sweep under the rug
 * 29) James Comey answers the least suspenseful question in recorded history
 * 30) Pro tip: Wait until the hearing is over before you mischaracterize someone's congressional testimony, Mr. President, or you run the risk of being corrected in real-time
 * 31) Rep Trey Gowdy attempts a high profile "But what about..." during the Comey hearing, but doesn't quite stick the landing
 * 32) Pretty much, the only way today could have gone worse for Trump is if PornHub added a "presidential watersports" category to their search engine or Melania was revealed as a victim of "the Fappening 2.0"
 * 33) White House continues to defend wiretapping claim despite today's contrary statements from "so-called FBI Director" Comey
 * 34) "Is Russiagate just a conspiracy theory?" If the headline ends in a question
 * 35) Tillerson to skip parent-teacher conference in lieu of hanging out with his best friend during school hours
 * 36) Minor unpaid Trump volunteer Paul Manafort was paid millions to push pro-Putin policy in US and Europe for the last decade
 * 37) House Intelligence Committee Democrat Adam Schiff calls for independent investigation after Chairperson Devin Nunes decides to throw protocol out the window and brief the President that shiat is hitting the fan faster than anyone expected *DUN DUN*
 * 38) Paul Manafort Drafted a Plan in 2005 to Influence American and European Politics for Putin's Benefit, which incidentally is how we ended up with Trump as President
 * 39) Trump: Manawho? Never heard of him
 * 40) A lot of smoke so far, here's some actual fire: US officials say Trump campaign coordinated with the Russians
 * 1) Paul Manafort Drafted a Plan in 2005 to Influence American and European Politics for Putin's Benefit, which incidentally is how we ended up with Trump as President
 * 2) Trump: Manawho? Never heard of him
 * 3) A lot of smoke so far, here's some actual fire: US officials say Trump campaign coordinated with the Russians
 * 1) Trump: Manawho? Never heard of him
 * 2) A lot of smoke so far, here's some actual fire: US officials say Trump campaign coordinated with the Russians

Possible Russian Interference Of 2016 POTUS Election

 * 1) And Jeff recuses
 * 2) Trump has "total confidence" in Jeff Sessions. Sorry, Jeff
 * 3) Sessions and other Trump surrogates demanded Loretta Lynch recuse herself under similar circumstances, but that was different because Sessions is a white man
 * 4) Good thing Trump's campaign funds didn't pay for Sessions's visit with Rus--oh
 * 5) The fact that the Top Republican on the House Intelligence Committee which has been charged with looking into Russia's interference in the election was also a member of Trump's transition team should in no way cast doubt on the panel's work
 * 6) For SOME reason the US government isn't responding to Ukraine's requests to interview Paul Manafort in connection to a corruption investigation. Gee, I wonder why that is
 * 7) No longer even trying to hide it
 * 8) Trump allies Roger Stone and Paul Manafort both wanted for questioning in Russia investigations
 * 9) Kellyanne's husband picked to lead the civil division of the DOJ. Fun fact that certainly won't come back to haunt him? He was part of the legal team for Paula Jones that established you can sue sitting U.S. presidents
 * 10) You know all those "BernieBros"? Turns out some were probably paid Russian agents, not that there are any here on Fark, of course
 * 11) House Intelligence Committee Democrat Adam Schiff calls for independent investigation after Chairperson Devin Nunes decides to throw protocol out the window and brief the President that shiat is hitting the fan faster than anyone expected *DUN DUN*

Possible Interference with Economic Sanctions Against Russia

 * 1) Confederate States of America signs non-aggression pact with Russia
 * 2) What exactly did Jeff Sessions say to the Russian ambassador and when did he know it?
 * 3) WH ordered to keep all information they have regarding Russia. Presumably for the big bonfire they'll have when Putin has a state visit
 * 4) Dems to Sessions: GTFO
 * 5) And.... Here.... We... Go
 * 6) And now we have a running list of people demanding Jefferson Beauregard Sessions resign and leave the Confederacy in disgrace after it was revealed he spoke with Russia illegally
 * 7) Well that didn't take long, Trump administration goes from defending Sessions as a victim of a partisan witch hunt to "hey, we didn't know he met with Russians until we turned on the TV this morning". Oh, Beauregard, we hardly knew ye
 * 8) NEW BOMBSHELL: Jared Kushner and Mike Flynn met with the Russians in December
 * 9) Trump campaign: We had nothing to do with altering the RNC platform to effectively cede Ukraine to Russia. Reality: The platform was altered by a campaign staffer on orders from Trump himself
 * 10) Trump surrogates peek out into the light, admit that maybe they talked to some Russians once for 5 minutes about nothing in particular and it's nothing to worry about and they're sorry they forgot to mention it
 * 11) After every Trump revelation, the following 13 step formula is followed, rinsed and repeated
 * 12) "Follow the money." This is not a repeat from Watergate, Iran-Contra, Whitewater, nor the pickup line Drew told the hooker last week

Nadler's "Resolution of Inquiry"
demanding Attorney General hand over "any document, record, memo, correspondence or other communication” pertaining to “criminal or counterintelligence investigations” related to Trump, White House staff or his business"

Obama Alleged Phone-Tapping
Trump Tower Tapp
 * 1) House Intelligence Committee requests that Trump FW:FW:FW:FW:FW: over his evidence of wiretapping by Monday
 * 2) House Intelligence Committee set today as the deadline for Trump to provide evidence he was the victim of an Obama "wiretapp." Will Trump follow through? What will happen if he fails to provide the evidence? Either way, things will get crazy today
 * 3) Spicer will finally reveal the wiretapping evidence against Obama- or implode. (Live at 1ish EST)
 * 4) Trump 'doesn't really think' Obama personally tapped his phone. Last five words completely unnecessary
 * 5) Welcome to Politics 2017 - The Year of the Walk Back
 * 6) Trump again says he was wiretapped as long as you include people listening to people in any situation as wiretapping
 * 7) Obviously, the reason no one can find any evidence that Obama ordered Trump wiretapped is because he asked James Bond to do it
 * 8)
 * 9) Obviously, the reason no one can find any evidence that Obama ordered Trump wiretapped is because he asked James Bond to do it
 * 10) White House officially downgrades its apology to "an explanation"
 * 11) Deputy Director of the NSA calls Trump's UK spying allegations "just crazy", "arrant nonsense". Then insinuates Trump is ignorant and stupid. Why yes, he is retiring shortly
 * 12) No longer even trying to hide it
 * 13) Secret Service laptop containing the floor plans to Trump Tower and info about the Clinton email investigation stolen
 * 14) And today Comey throws Trump under the bus
 * 15) Intel offers no evidence of Trump Tower spying. To be honest, I always suspected AMD
 * 16) UK Intelligence Chief warns that Russia may have been behind Donald Trump's claim that British intelligence had wiretapped Trump Tower
 * 17) White House continues to defend wiretapping claim despite today's contrary statements from "so-called FBI Director" Comey
 * 18) David Cameron jokes that a main perk of no longer being British Prime Minister is that he doesn't have to listen to Donald Trump's wiretapped conversations any more, proving British brand of Conservative Humour is as weak as its American cousin
 * 19) Trump feels "somewhat vindicated" about his "wire tapping" allegations. "Somewhat vindicated" is in quotes meaning not actually vindicated at all

FBI-led Russia-Trump Investigation

 * 1) So, it turns out the FBI really DID have a wiretap at Trump Tower to spy on Russians, but it was from 2011-2013, and its target was the Russian mobsters running a massive money laundering operation out of their apartment there
 * 2) Whether it's residents in his Trump-branded buildings, or his business associates or investors in his projects, Trump is tied up with not just Russians, but in many cases Russians tied to the criminal underworld and money laundering
 * 3) People close to the president say Mr. Trump's Twitter torrent had less to do with fact, strategy or tactic than a sense of persecution bordering on faith: He simply believes that he was bugged in some way, by someone
 * 4) Rep. Nunes claims that Trump people were picked up on FBI wiretaps of Russians, which means, technically, Obama wiretapped the Trump campaign, which is the best kind of wiretapping
 * 5) House Intelligence Committee Democrat Adam Schiff calls for independent investigation after Chairperson Devin Nunes decides to throw protocol out the window and brief the President that shiat is hitting the fan faster than anyone expected *DUN DUN*
 * 6) Rep. Nunes thought he was putting out the Trump Tweet Tapp fire. Only he reached for gasoline instead of water
 * 7) The FBI Russia probe will also investigate the Western wing of Russia's propaganda machine, Breitbart and Infowars
 * 8) Monday's hearing "debunked" Trump's wiretapping tweets, but left his underlying claim intact: that there was surveillance of the Trump campaign; that the results were shared throughout the government - even possibly reaching the Obama White House
 * 9) Former Nixon White House Counsel John Dean: The actions of the Trump White House in response to the Russia story seem AWFULLY familiar to me...wait, don't tell me, it'll come to me any second
 * 10) The internet is forever, and things you post can come back to haunt you later. Isn't that right, Mrs. Kellyanne "Ha, ha, you're being investigated by the FBI" Conway?
 * 11) "The FBI probe into Trump and Russia is huge news. Our political system isn't ready for it"
 * 12) Vadim Trincher model tenant, Trump Tower
 * 13) The Trump Tower...you'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy
 * 1) The internet is forever, and things you post can come back to haunt you later. Isn't that right, Mrs. Kellyanne "Ha, ha, you're being investigated by the FBI" Conway?
 * 2) "The FBI probe into Trump and Russia is huge news. Our political system isn't ready for it"
 * 3) Vadim Trincher model tenant, Trump Tower
 * 4) The Trump Tower...you'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy

Independent Commission
to investigate allegations of potential coordination between the Trump campaign and the Russians
 * 1) House Intelligence Committee Democrat Adam Schiff calls for independent investigation after Chairperson Devin Nunes decides to throw protocol out the window and brief the President that shiat is hitting the fan faster than anyone expected *DUN DUN*

Crimes
This section will include all Fark threads related to crimes committed by the Head Toupee For the full mess, please visit the archive

Possible Campaign Finance Inproprieties

 * 1) Watchdog groups: Trump team helped themselves to alt-legal campaign contributions after the election
 * 2) Good thing Trump's campaign funds didn't pay for Sessions's visit with Rus--oh

Possible Libel

 * 1) "Although the law provides a great deal of leeway for political speech, that protection is not all encompassing. And because of the way Trump has leveled unsubstantiated accusations at Obama, he may have libeled his predecessor"

Possible Disclosure of CIA Intelligence on Live TV

 * 1) Trump leaked classified CIA intel to Tucker Carlson on live TV: ranking House intel member

Conflicts of Interest

 * 1) Trump hotel in Azerbaijan was a front for the Iranian Revolutionary Guard
 * 2) Trump just got a trademark for escort services in China. Hey Evangelicals, you know them by their fruit, amiright?
 * 3) Hey, here's a question: Why has a Russian oligarch known as "The Fertilizer King" been following Trump around the country? Is it for the steady supply of cheap and plentiful bullshiat? Or is it something more sinister...?
 * 4) Trump claims that he has never met a man who paid him $95 million. Which I totally understand, I've never met a man who'd pay me $95 million either
 * 5) So, has anyone else noticed that the handicapping of the State Department that President Trump has engaged in, benefits Russia and Putin tremendously?
 * 6) Eric and Donald Jr. run daddy's businesses and are continually Tweeting about his policies while trying desperately not to violate various ethics laws. More than they already have
 * 7) Kellyanne's husband picked to lead the civil division of the DOJ. Fun fact that certainly won't come back to haunt him? He was part of the legal team for Paula Jones that established you can sue sitting U.S. presidents

Pay-to-play

 * 1) Why did Trump reverse his mandate to use U.S. steel in the Keystone XL pipeline? Nobody knows, but a Russian oligarch with close ties to Putin stands to make a bunch of money from it. Fancy that
 * 2) "Big Candy", lobbying the Trump administration to roll back sugar subsidies, to hold their 2017 and 2018 meetings and conferences at Trump hotels
 * 3) Make Chile Great Again
 * 4) What's that, oh it's nothing, just Jared Kushner's family making $400 million because a huge Chinese company is buying one of their buildings at a wildly inflated price on terms ridiculously favorable to the Kushners, nothing to see here, move along
 * 5) Shortly after a Chinese government-connected corporation brokered a NYC real estate deal that netted Jared Kushner $400 million because of its ridiculously favorable terms, the head of Chinese Intelligence front buys a $15 mil condo in Trump Towers

Ethics violations

 * 1) Eric and Donald Jr. run daddy's businesses and are continually Tweeting about his policies while trying desperately not to violate various ethics laws. More than they already have

Lawsuits
This section will include all Fark threads related to lawsuits filed against the Head Toupee for the month of  For the full mess, please visit the archive

Citizens Action Coalition, et al. v. Indiana House Rep.
Pence hid emails when governor of Indiana
 * 1) File this under "It's totes okay when we do it"
 * 2) Mike Pence says there's no comparison to Clinton on his private email use, as he's a Republican with a penis
 * 3) Vice President Mike Pence demands apology from media for publishing his wife's private email address... which became a matter of public record because Mike Pence used his private email account to conduct government business

Cork Wine Bar
owners Diane Gross, Khalid Pitts suing President's business for unfair business practices
 * 1) Whine bar sues Trump

Modern Appealing Clothing
suing Ivanka Trump for unfair business practices

CREW
Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington suing President for violating Emoluments Clause

FSFP
Free Speech for People with NYAG suing President for abuse of power

Eric Schneiderman
Attorney General, New York

Jeffrey A. Lovitky
failure to comply with financial disclosure law

Summer Zervos
former TV show contestant

Makaeff v. Trump University, LLC
sought refunds and punitive damages for breach of contract, fraud, negligent misrepresentation and bad faith

Removal From Office
For the full mess, please visit the archive

25th Amendment Solution

 * 1) "You know, Mr. President, the Russia stuff is heating up pretty badly. We need something to distract the media. How about...um...I dunno...maybe Obama tapped your phones? Think anyone would believe that?"
 * 2) Donald Trump suffered an outright personality breakdown on Twitter after the wiretap comments, and Twitter has reacted accordingly; "We need to keep him away from the nuclear launch codes today"
 * 3) Congressman points out to Trump that if his TT phones were tapped, then he's in deeper poop than he imagined because the tap would have required a warrant, which in turn would have required Probable Cause in front of a FISA judge
 * 4) President Trump goes nuts on senior staff, grounds Bannon and Preibus, before heading to yet another weekend getaway
 * 5) Trump's entire staff has no clue where he came up with the wiretapping allegations
 * 6) When you have access to the most powerful intelligence and spy agencies in the world and you get your information from Infowars and Briebart, people are going to start thinking you're a little deranged
 * 7) Donald Trump: "ZOMG all these people are doing McCarthyism at me, this is evil". President Bannon: "McCarthy was a genius whose only fault was not going far enough"
 * 8) Impeachment was our last hope. No. There is another
 * 9) Nothing like a sitting president threatening a bloodbath if his health care bill doesn't pass
 * 10) Goofy haircut? ✔ Boxy, ill-fitting suits? ✔ Erratic and unstable personality? ✔ Primitive vocabulary? ✔ Hates the country to the south? ✔ Brooks no opposition from underlings? ✔ Thin skin? ✔ Father gave him his career? ✔ Is it Trump or Kim Jong Un?
 * 11) Russia's hostile actions may be due to them panicking over our latest nuclear missiles, which for the first time in history make a preemptive nuclear attack possible. It's a good thing we have someone in charge who won't-oh, god, we're all screwed
 * 12) POUTS show how he deals with women leaders by refusing to shake Merkel's hand at photo op - or even look at her
 * 13) Trump makes hilarious wiretap joke with Merkel to which Merkel responded, I don't understand, I was actually wiretapped while you just made it up. So, how is that funny?
 * 14) Trump is slowly starting to realize that words actually mean something
 * 15) Trump treats his staff as horribly as he treats everyone else. Film at 11
 * 16) Trump claims he is holding a big meeting on how to overhaul the VA at Mar-a-Lago because it was "the most convenient place" and "everybody wanted to go there". Also, Donald? Stop trying to make "The Southern White House" happen. It's embarrassing
 * 17) This weekend, you paid Trump the approximate cost of 500,000 Meals on Wheels for a "Veterans Affairs meeting" in Mar-a-Lago. Only it seems he forgot to bring the VA secretary. Or even to schedule the meeting
 * 18) West Wing 'chaos' as Trump seems 'hellbent on squandering' any gains by his administration: report
 * 19) It appears that someone is blowing smoke up the White House's arse with some crazy theory about smog
 * 20) Trump: Russia story is 'FAKE NEWS and everyone knows it'
 * 21) So we've ALL been thinking it, but credit goes to former Rep. David Jolly (R-FL) for being the first to come out and say it publicly: President Donald Trump isn't "intellectually qualified" to be president
 * 22) KellyAnne Conway: Donald Trump doesn't know who Carter Page is
 * 23) When the Wall Street Journal compares you to 'a drunk' clinging to 'an empty gin bottle' in a scathing editorial, your Presidency is basically over, man. Sad
 * 24) Trump has no idea how to grow vegetables
 * 25) Trump feels "somewhat vindicated" about his "wire tapping" allegations. "Somewhat vindicated" is in quotes meaning not actually vindicated at all

Impeachment

 * 1) Harvard grad and Constitutional lawyer who clerked for the Supreme Court on Trump's wiretap tweets: "Yeah, he pretty much stepped on his own dick big league, and should be shiatcanned." Well, he said it a little more eloquently, but you get the idea
 * 2) Robert Reich says Trump has given four grounds for impeachment, the fifth coming soon

Article 1, Section 9, Clause 8
Emoluments Clause

Treason

 * 1) For all their denunciations of 'fake news,' the Trump administration has become a leading purveyor of it, and most of that seems to come to them via Moscow
 * 2) Tillerson to skip parent-teacher conference in lieu of hanging out with his best friend during school hours
 * 3) Trump voters think it's OK for Trump to commit treason because Hillary would have been worse. So there ya have it kids, out of their own mouths and in their own words: Trumpers support treason

Resignation

 * 1) And so it begins - Newsweek suggests Trump would be wise to negotiate a resignation before his presidency is fatally wounded

Actual Work

 * 1) Russian intelligence asset accepts invitation to attend NATO meeting

Apology Tour

 * 1) White House officially downgrades its apology to "an explanation"
 * 2) German broadcaster rescues Trump from Handshakegate

=Administration= ''Let's face it: there's too damn many of these people. If you were just counting all the idiots in cahoots with the Russians, you'd need a scorecard (kudos to the FBI for keeping them all straight!) Therefore, ANOTHER new page needed to be created to handle the sheer volume of fail that is the Drumpfster Fire Advisors & Agencies.''

The archive is being compiled, please be patient.

=Links=