Drumpfster Fire/Archive/2017/February 2017

A compilation of Fark threads related to the dumpster fire that is the administration of the 45th President of the United States of America.

=Head Toupee=

Nicknames
''This section will provide the many nicknames this asshole has earned, with credit when known. They are in approximate order of appearance on the internet.''

For the full, categorized list, please visit this page


 * 1) short-fingered vulgarian (Spy magazine's Graydon Carter and Kurt Andersen)
 * 2) tiny fingered, Cheeto-faced, ferret wearing shitgibbon (@MetalOllie via Twitter)
 * 3) Flim Flam Führer
 * 4) Deadbeat Donnie
 * 5) President Joffrey
 * 6) Cheeto Supreme
 * 7) fecal fingered Caligula
 * 8) Orange Mugabe
 * 9) Marmalade Mussulini
 * 10) Dynamite Shitgibbon
 * 11) Boss Tweet
 * 12) Trumplethinskin
 * 13) Kim Jong Trump
 * 14) President Asterisk
 * 15) President Daddy
 * 16) Prince Trumperdink (Carey Elwes)
 * 17) President Breaking Wind (Sir Ian McKellen via Twitter)
 * 18) ORALLY INCONTINENT PEDDLER OF FLYBLOWN MONKEY BOLLOCKS
 * 19) hairsprayed huckster
 * 20) Cheeto Guevera
 * 21) President Cheetolicious
 * 22) Super Callous Fragile Racist Sexist Nazi POTUS
 * 23) Tangerine gabshite walloper (Lorna Wallace, poetry winner)
 * 24) Gramma Killer
 * 25) Lord Dampnut (Colin Mochrie via Urban Dictionary)
 * 26) President Dunning-Kruger
 * 27) Metamussolini  (or Metamucilini)
 * 28) Adolf the Obese
 * 29) Dolt 45
 * 30) Trumpwaffe

Eponyms

 * 1) Drumpffluenza
 * 2) Trumpmydia
 * 3) Trumptertantrum

Preview

 * 1) When it's too late to stop fascism, according to someone who fled from fascism
 * 2) CPAC: Trump tells conservatives he is future of the GOP
 * 3) The next six weeks are a "Do or die" moment for the GOP as they need to prove they can transform from a "chest thumping opposition party" into one that can be trusted to actually govern. In other words, in six weeks the GOP is done for

Review

 * 1) After a rocky first month as President, Donald Trump has done some serious soul-searching and deep introspection...and concluded HE'S awesome, it's just that his staff sucks and he needs a new one
 * 2) Donald Trump wakes up, takes stock of his administration, and vows to start anew. Just kidding, he blames everything on fake news and re-ignites his feud with our own intelligence community. So. Tired. Of all the. Winning
 * 3) Here is a breakdown of how Trump spent his first month as president
 * 4) Trump's election has parallels to Andrew Jackson's presidency. Mostly where Trump considers that America was at its greatest back in 1828
 * 5) An analysis of Donald Trump's first month in office reveals that, aside from enabling racists, jingoists, bigots, and anti-semites, he's accomplished almost nothing
 * 6) But the pervasive view in the capital is that President Trump at this point is like a guy behind the wheel who hasn't slept in a week, surrounded by a small mountain of empty Red Bull cans as he weaves his way across four lanes at night
 * 7) The two defining characteristics of the new right: 1. Hatred for everything different. 2. Indifference of corruption by their own leaders
 * 8) Of the 663 promises made, Trump has broken 64 and kept seven in his first month in office
 * 9) Trump grades his first month. Not surprisingly, he made the honor roll

Laws Signed

 * 1) Trump signs repeal of transparency law that required oil companies to disclose payments to foreign governments. We all drained here? Everything great again?

Executive Orders

 * 1) How to revoke an executive order. Difficulty: Success rate rare if not impossible
 * 2) Draft of Trump's "Religious Freedom" order protects "any act or refusal to act that is motivated by a sincerely held religious belief, whether or not the act is required or compelled by, or central to, a system of religious belief." -ANY- -ACT-
 * 3) Yo dawg, I heard you like executive orders so I wrote an executive order that violates an executive order about executive orders
 * 4) Trump signs 3 new executive orders to implement a "new era of justice." Scary tag in use because they are now in effect
 * 5) Trump to rewrite executive order despite his claims that there's NOTHING wrong with it
 * 6) Trump promises future illegal actions that the courts will have to throw out
 * 7) Please. I need more magical make-people-do-stuff pens. I need them now, I need to satisfy my power addiction. I may have to give another psycho press conference if they don't show up soon
 * 8) There's a possibility that Trump has no idea what regulations are and what they do

Fiddling with foreign relations
This section has become too large, hence it has been given its own page

Misinformation
This section has become too large, hence it has been given its: own page

Executive grifting
For the full mess, please visit the archive


 * 1) Memo to Democrats: Trump has already raised $16 million toward re-election
 * 2) Millions in Trump campaign funds went to Trump firms
 * 3) Fake News confirms elements of Fake Dossier
 * 4) Kuwait Embassy drops up to $60,000 on party at Trump's D.C. hotel. Will he send the money to the Treasury, as promised?
 * 5) Donald and Ivanka Trump, Nigel Farage, and Rick Scott walk into a bar, at the hotel Trump now illegally owns, while the official WH press pool members were kept in vans outside and not allowed to leave. Sorry, the only joke is that he's president
 * 6) So what was Trump's first major business deal since becoming President? Oh, just selling a condo on Park Avenue nearly $2 million above market value to a Chinese national

Tax Returns
For the full mess, please visit the archive

Avoiding Release Of

 * 1) GOP congressman: Not only should Donald Trump NOT release his tax returns, NO elected official should
 * 2) House panel rejects demands for Trump to release his tax returns
 * 3) Normally I wear protection, but then I thought, "When am I gonna make it back to Haiti?"
 * 4) No Shiat Headline of the Day: Guys, I don't think Donald Trump is going to release his tax returns

Possible Release Of

 * 1) Do it
 * 2) Dooooooo Eeeeeeeeet

Sexual Predator

 * 1) Donald demands that women on his staff "dress like women." The internet provides helpful examples for them
 * 2) President Trump wanted to hire one of those blond Fox News chicks as press secretary because reasons, but Priebus pushed for Spicer because reasons. It's unclear if those reasons were similar
 * 3) Milo may be out of a jobo at Breitbarto
 * 4) People who spend their days writing about how Muslims should be exterminated and women are filthy communist whores have decided that kinda sorta defending pedophilia is a bridge too far
 * 5) Breitbart's editor-in-chief Alex Marlow calls Milo Yiannopoulos' comments "totally indefensible." He then proceeds to defend them
 * 6) Don't rejoice prematurely: Yolo Minneapolis isn't going away
 * 7) Milo's secret is that he's one of the most boring people on the planet
 * 8) Milo Fanbois are starting to realize that they are just pawns in the game of life. Racist, Nazi, bigoted, subhuman pawns

Leaks
For the full mess, please visit the archive


 * 1) Newly released emails show that the Trump administration was warned about ethics violations but didn't care
 * 2) Trump's own staff is starting to worry about his disintegrating mental and emotional state. But her emails
 * 3) Next up: legalizing blood diamonds, because warlords need hotels too
 * 4) Secret service director announces retirement, in a move that has nothing to do with Trump's paranoia about White House leaks
 * 5) Trump condemns illegal leaks, unless they are hacked e-mails
 * 6) Poor Donnie won't be able to do everything in deep dark secret and illegally. Getting away with stuff was so much easier as a private citizen
 * 7) "A source close to the president, who was not there but had knowledge of the situation, told me that Trump was going around tables during dinner asking guests what he should do about Priebus and Spicer" Gee, wonder where these leaks keep coming from
 * 8) "The whole episode is evidence of the precipitous and ongoing collapse of America's democratic institutions - not a sign of their resiliency"
 * 9) Candidate Trump: ignore the source of the leaks, look at the content. President Trump: ignore the content, we need to find the source of these leaks. live by the leak, die by the leak. thems the rules, Donny my boy
 * 10) For many years the GOP guarded against flip floppers.... before the dark times ... before the Small Handed Talking Yam of Evil & Chaos
 * 11) So how exactly does one wage war on whistle blowers?
 * 12) Leaked emails may bring down Trump's Muslim ban
 * 13) Office of DNI: "We didn't withhold intelligence from Trump." Yeah, pretty sure you're going to have to blame God for that one
 * 14) Billionaire friend of Trump with no intelligence experience to lead review of intelligence agencies. No word yet on whether dunking stools will be in use
 * 15) Say hello to Federal Prisoner 38379583, Michael Flynn, who lied to the FBI during an interview about the substance of his calls to Russia
 * 16) FBI decides not to pursue charges against Hillary Flynn
 * 17) Trump knew
 * 18) There is no American Deep State. Of course, that's what they WANT you to think
 * 19) Deep state says there's no such thing as a deep state
 * 20) B-b-but his emails? Open government group releases the first 1,500 of 7,500 pages of emails that they received under an Open Record Act lawsuit, that newly installed EPA chief Scott Pruitt sent during his days as Oklahoma's Attorney General
 * 21) Scott Pruitt's emails released yesterday raise serious concerns about his ties to the energy industry and how he worked to try block environmental regulations. Imagine how embarrassing it would be if the Senate had already voted to confirm him
 * 22) Waking up every morning like "Jesus Christ, what now?"
 * 23) State Department memo regarding leaks, quickly leaked

Alleged leaks

 * 1) POTUS appears to have a leaky Tweeter problem

Investigations
For the full mess, please visit the archive

Possible Russian Interference Of 2016 POTUS Election

 * 1) Why Russia may have stuck its bear claw in the 2016 U.S. election

Possible Interference with Economic Sanctions Against Russia

 * 1) And the first GOP Congressman has hit the Trump-Putin International Hotel and Pleasure Palace
 * 2) This time they've gone too far. Not like last time when we thought they had gone too far but still had further they could go... This time, surely, they have gone too far
 * 3) Yes

Nadler's "Resolution of Inquiry"
demanding Attorney General hand over "any document, record, memo, correspondence or other communication” pertaining to “criminal or counterintelligence investigations” related to Trump, White House staff or his business"
 * 1) Republican lawmakers plan on derailing inquiry into Manchurian President's ties to Russia because of course they do. They do acknowledge that it may make things awkward with their constituents
 * 2) How Trump is getting away with corruption

Crimes
This section will include all Fark threads related to crimes committed by the Head Toupee For the full mess, please visit the archive

Possible Obstruction of Justice

 * 1) This time they've gone too far. Not like last time when we thought they had gone too far but still had further they could go... This time, surely, they have gone too far

Conflicts of Interest
This section will include all Fark threads related to conflicts of interest this asshole has himself entangled in For the full mess, please visit the archive
 * 1) Foreign policy insider: 'No readout of Trump-Putin call because White House turned off recording'
 * 2) Department of Defense looking to rent space in Trump Tower, which, "could directly funnel government money into the president's business interests." Well, that sounds like it's totally not a conflict of interest
 * 3) Next up: legalizing blood diamonds, because warlords need hotels too
 * 4) Kellyanne Conway to Fox News viewers: "Go buy Ivanka's stuff," and yes, she actually said that
 * 5) 5 CFR 2635.702: § 2635.702 Use of public office for private gain. "An employee shall not use his public office ..for the endorsement of any product, service or enterprise, or for the private gain of friends, relatives"
 * 6) Article 1, Section 9, Clause 8: no Person holding any Office of Profit or Trust under them, shall, without the Consent of the Congress, accept of any present, Emolument, Office, or Title, of any kind whatever, from any King, Prince or foreign State
 * 7) "New Trump appointees are carrying coffee mugs with that Trump campaign slogan into meetings with foreign counterparts"
 * 8) Leaked emails may bring down Trump's Muslim ban
 * 9) Bank that was fined more than $630m for failing to prevent $10bn of Russian money laundering, also continues to lend money to Trump despite his having defaulted on previous loans. Nothing to see here comrade, move along
 * 10) President Trump: "Hire American." Trump Vineyards: "We can haz more foreign workers, plz?"
 * 11) Jared Kushner owns hundreds of Section 8 housing units. So of course he'll recuse himself from any decisions about HUD. No conflict of interest
 * 12) Must be a day ending in "y." It has been revealed there is another Trump cabinet member connection to Russia

Pay-to-play

 * 1) Hey, but at least he didn't give speeches to Wall Street, right guys?
 * 2) While we've been arguing about Betsy DeVos and Nordstroms, Russia has sold off almost 20% of it's State owned oil company in a convoluted deal involving Singapore, Qatar, and a Cayman Islands company with unknown owners. Tired of winning yet?
 * 3) Nothing to see here, just a wealthy sleazeball selling a MLB team to the relative of another wealthy sleazeball in exchange for the title of "US Ambassador to France"
 * 4) The members of the ownership group that purchased the United States in a hostile takeover this November have been revealed
 * 5) All you LIBS cry about the way Trump treats the press, but he's been in office only a month and has already scheduled his SECOND intensive, exclusive sit down interview with one of the famously tough journalists from Breitbart news
 * 6) Kuwait Embassy drops up to $60,000 on party at Trump's D.C. hotel. Will he send the money to the Treasury, as promised?
 * 7) Donald and Ivanka Trump, Nigel Farage, and Rick Scott walk into a bar, at the hotel Trump now illegally owns, while the official WH press pool members were kept in vans outside and not allowed to leave. Sorry, the only joke is that he's president
 * 8) So what was Trump's first major business deal since becoming President? Oh, just selling a condo on Park Avenue nearly $2 million above market value to a Chinese national

Ethics violations

 * 1) Newly released emails show that the Trump administration was warned about ethics violations but didn't care

Lawsuits
This section will include all Fark threads related to lawsuits filed against the Head Toupee For the full mess, please visit the archive
 * 1) Trump owned golf course shanks it into the rough, gets hit with a $6M stroke penalty by a federal judge
 * 2) A complete rundown of all the lawsuits filed against Trump for his Muslim ban

Citizens Action Coalition, et al. v. Indiana House Rep.
Pence hid emails when governor of Indiana
 * 1) Mike Pence to the Indiana Supreme Court: Can we just keep those emails secret? Kthxby

Removal From Office
For the full mess, please visit the archive

In General

 * 1) Here's the presidential order of succession -- just in case
 * 2) Trump's presidency expected to be the second-shortest in history because no one could be as bad as William Henry Harrison

Odds

 * 1) UK bookies say the odds of Trump resigning now stand at 15/8, while the probability of an impeachment in 2017 stand at 4/1. Latest surge in cash flow say it's a sure bet

25th Amendment Solution

 * 1) "Who's next, Switzerland?" The internet cannot fathom how Trump started an attack on Australia. Never mess with criminal descendants
 * 2) "When you hear about the tough phone calls I'm having, don't worry about it," Trump said. "Just don't worry about it." Checkmate, libs
 * 3) Trump has officially gone plaid... Even Fox news reporters are broken down to the point saying "I'm not sure what anything means" in regards to his behavior
 * 4) Trump blames leaks of the transcripts to his Australia and Mexico phone calls on "Obama people," whom I guess were hiding behind the curtains or in the air ducts or something
 * 5) Bill to require White House to have psychiatrist evaluate the mental health of the President. Here. I'll save you some money. The President is crazier than a barnyard rat on meth. There you go, see how easy that was?
 * 6) Trump is lonely in the White House. Awwww
 * 7) Happy 50th birthday to the 25th Amendment
 * 8) Donald Trump is vexed by the challenges and scale of government, light switches
 * 9) Members of Congress becoming increasingly frustrated with trying to communicate with President Trump resort to tweeting at him hoping he or the White House will notice
 * 10) Trump administration National Security staff told to keep briefs brief and use lots of pretty pictures because our president is a nimrod
 * 11) The Kremlin worries Trump is too "unpredictable" for them to control
 * 12) Nothing to see here, just the four star General head of the U.S. Special Operations Command publicly questioning whether or not the Nation has a stable Government. Carry on
 * 13) 7:32AM - Fox says Obama was weak on Russia, 7:42AM - Trump tweets Obama was weak on Russia
 * 14) What Donald Trump's handshake says about him
 * 15) So how exactly does one wage war on whistle blowers?
 * 16) Donald Trump's erratic behaviour causes US politicians to review procedures for removing Presidents
 * 17) "Weapons-Grade Crazy" seems a pretty extreme way to describe the President of the United States' performance at a White House Press conference, but, after further review, the ruling in the headline...is confirmed
 * 18) Chris Christie "forced" to eat meatloaf by Donald Trump at White House, which, if true, represents first time Christie forced to eat anything, anything at all
 * 19) I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing
 * 20) Here is the tremendous transcript from Thursday's winning press conference
 * 21) Donald Trump isn't insane; he's just a horrible boss whom you only have to listen to "for five minutes to know that he is intimately familiar with the taste of a waiter's testicles rubbed on to his $200 filet mignon"
 * 22) Libs take the bait in Trump's game of 30-dimensional Hungry Hungry Hippos
 * 23) What could be causing Trump's bizarre behavior? It could be an untreated STD
 * 24) "Perhaps this Donald J. Trump fellow is not of sound mind," suggest lawmakers over a year too late
 * 25) Grab your very tiny violins and play a tune - With no night life and a lack of socialization, Trump is experiencing 'cabin fever' living in the White House
 * 26) A doctor explains the basis of Trump's decision making
 * 27) Thanks, Obama

The Queen Elizabeth Solution

 * 1) Reports that Queen Elizabeth has legal authority to behead Donald Trump have been found to be false

Impeachment

 * 1) Latest polls show Trump with a steady 40% support -- for his impeachment
 * 2) Cincinnati Republican to GOP "It's time to impeach Donald Trump"
 * 3) Flynn must face prison and Trump must face impeachment
 * 4) "The Conspiracy To Impeach Trump: It's not the lefty Dems who are taking aim, it's traditional conservatives. With an agenda and the power to make him disappear"
 * 5) Does the Trump/Russia scandal have the potential to reach a Watergate level outcome ? All signs point to "oh hell yes"
 * 6) "Time to talk Trump impeachment"

Article 1, Section 9, Clause 8
Emoluments Clause
 * 1) Article 1, Section 9, Clause 8: no Person holding any Office of Profit or Trust under them, shall, without the Consent of the Congress, accept of any present, Emolument, Office, or Title, of any kind whatever, from any King, Prince or foreign State
 * 2) How Trump is getting away with corruption
 * 3) So what was Trump's first major business deal since becoming President? Oh, just selling a condo on Park Avenue nearly $2 million above market value to a Chinese national

Treason

 * 1) "Since January 20, we've assumed that the Kremlin has ears inside the SITROOM"
 * 2) Signs multiplying that Michael Flynn will be the first to be thrown under the Trump administration's short bus
 * 3) Russian Ambassador to the White House resigns
 * 4) Hey look at this article from two weeks ago about how Steve Bannon has been trying to usurp Gen. Michael Flynn's national security portfolio and bring the NSC under political control. I wonder if that's related to anything else in the news
 * 5) Roses are red, violets are blue, if Flynn has ties to Russia, then Trump does too
 * 6) A reminder: Trump did not fire Flynn, but he fired the woman who warned him Flynn was compromised
 * 7) Oh, nothing new with General Flynn, just the Army has been investigating whether Flynn received money from the Russian government during a trip he took to Moscow in 2015
 * 8) Russian lawmakers launch a spirited defense of Michael Flynn in a classic case of "you're not helping"
 * 9) RT sends tweet congratulating Ambassador to Glorious Motherland a happy retirement
 * 10) As his lackeys in Washington come under increasing scrutiny, Vladimir Putin decides to secretly deploy cruise missiles in violation of treaty that ended Cold War
 * 11) The hearings will begin any minute now
 * 12) The Kremlin worries Trump is too "unpredictable" for them to control
 * 13) Rep. Adam Schiff,the top Democrat on the House Intelligence Committee,told democrats in a private conference today that more information on Russia/Trump/Flynn ties will surface soon and "are only the beginning"
 * 14) Repeated contacts with Russian intelligence throughout the campaign, you say?
 * 15) James Comey back in the hot seat after Flynnghazi
 * 16) "He will die in jail." Intelligence community ready to go nuclear
 * 17) Look this Mike Flynn scandal is all just a big innocent misunderstanding: When General Flynn saw a note on his desk from Trump reading "VP is demanding you call the Russian Ambassador today" He just ASSUMED that meant Pence and not..you know
 * 18) Just because he was intimately involved in Trump's campaign and in close contact with two of the people being investigated by the FBI for their ties to Russia, doesn't mean Attorney General Sessions should recuse himself from the investigation
 * 19) Trump complains that Flynn would still be working for him if no one knew what Flynn had been up to
 * 20) Trump administration when asked if anyone from the campaign had communicated with the Russians: FAKE NEWS FBI: Yeah, about that
 * 21) Russia spokesperson kindly and subtly reminds Trump that it would be in his best interest to keep up his end of the deal so that no one ends up pissed
 * 22) Russia urges President Trump to keep campaign pledge to improve relations despite that whole Crimea being 'taken' by Putin thingy
 * 23) Man, who wasn't listening in on Flynn's conversations with Russia?
 * 24) Since President Trump denied he has any ties to Russia, USA Today decides to compile a list detailing his past business dealings with Russia going back over 30 years
 * 25) The time has come to call the Trump Administration's actions what they are: Treason
 * 26) The best case scenario for Trump in Kremlingate... is still pretty bad
 * 27) Say hello to Federal Prisoner 38379583, Michael Flynn, who lied to the FBI during an interview about the substance of his calls to Russia
 * 28) FBI decides not to pursue charges against Hillary Flynn
 * 29) This Island Earth alien Jeffrey Lord says Trump's Russia ties are "not a big deal." Sparring partner Robert Reich goes on factual tirade exposing Lord's idiocy, though he wonders why Lord has a picture of a burger on his wall
 * 30) Trump knew
 * 31) Trump's private lawyer Michel Cohen, his Russian "fixer," convicted felon and mafia member Felix Sater, and an ally of Viktor Yanukovych, secretly worked out a "peace plan" this summer to lift sanctions on Russia and remove Ukraine's current leaders
 * 32) Awwww POTUS has a back channel with Moscow. How convenient
 * 33) This is a test of the American legal system. Only a test, nothing to see here. Please move along
 * 34) Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition...to snipe a Ukranian oligarch out from under a US extradition request
 * 35) Hacking data shows Paul Manafort was being blackmailed by Russia
 * 36) Why Flynnghazi is so troubling
 * 37) How Trump is getting away with corruption
 * 38) White House to FBI: Hey, can you guys knock it off with the whole Trump-Russia talking thing? FBI to White House: LOL NOPE

Job Creator

 * 1) January jobs report shows Donald Trump created 227,000 jobs, much higher than the piddly 180,000 jobs Obama was expected to create
 * 2) Do you even Labor Force Participation Rate, Bro?
 * 3) Killing H1B visas won't stop offshoring. Firms will employ Americans to help offshore jobs, and eventually replace the Americans with bots
 * 4) New jobless claims last month fell to a 43-year low. Thanks, Obama, and, err, sorry about the ...you know
 * 5) President Trump will fight for every job as long as they're non-union
 * 6) Trump may not know the meaning of cronyism, but he's sure practicing it
 * 7) President Trump: "Hire American." Trump Vineyards: "We can haz more foreign workers, plz?"
 * 8) Dear Mr. Trump, We got the jobs, we don't have qualified applicants
 * 9) "Clean Coal" has the same problem as dirty coal: Natural gas is too cheap
 * 10) Need more proof that Trump is creating American jobs? Just ask these AP writers tasked with fact checking the President

Things Named After Him
that he doesn't own
 * 1) Not news: There is now a "The Donald" sandwich, which consists of two slices of moist, wonderful, white bread, a yuge slab of bologna, and a slice of American cheese. Fark: It's creator is a Republican immigrant that has strongly opposed Donnie JT

Actual Work

 * 1) Trump team to rethink strategy of haphazardly stumbling around like idiots who can't find a light switch. Wait, they literally can't find the light switches in the White House and have been working in the dark? That explains quite a bit
 * 2) Donald Trump is vexed by the challenges and scale of government, light switches
 * 3) GOP frets over the fact that people expect them to do stuff and fix things
 * 4) Understatement Of The Year Headline: This is going to be harder than Donald Trump expected
 * 5) With hundreds of administration jobs unfilled, Trump is tired of the whole thing, and just decides to leave them unfilled. That is some well-oiled machine you got there Donald

=Administration= ''To view the names and eventual scandals/crimes/general instances of incompetence associated with these assholes, please visit this page ''