Drumpfster Fire Advisors/Archive/2017/March 2017

This is an archive of Drumpfster Fire Advisors Fark threads for the month of March, 2017 Click this link for the current month, or here for the rest of the archive.

General Institutional Fuckery

 * 1) For Trump to have any chance to accomplish any of his goals, he needs the "administrative state" that his puppet master Steve Bannon wants to destroy
 * 2) Trump's entire staff has no clue where he came up with the wiretapping allegations
 * 3) White House attorneys scramble to come up with evidence to back Trump's 'wiretap' claims
 * 4) Here is a summary of TappGate, for those of you struggling to keep up with all the tapps at home
 * 5) White House press release contains a paragraph copied verbatim from an Exxon press release. If everything in The Swamp™ is killed by an oil spill, maybe that still counts?
 * 6) Hey everyone, looks like everything is running smoothly. Trump's tweets speak for themselves
 * 7) We're only 46 days in a perpetual state of crisis and the Trump administration has yet to deal with a major foreign policy challenge
 * 8) 8 tricks for defending Trump on the left. More tricks on the right
 * 9) Apparently Republicans have become Russia's b*tches
 * 10) Could Breitbart grow rogain on Trump? Wait, go rogue on Trump. They need couples therapy
 * 11) Refined Gentleman that he is, President Trump lets it be known via the Twitter machine that he is distempered, nay, downright appalled, at the rudeness and lack of civility the uncouth media is displaying towards his designated liars
 * 12) Beyond outright incompetence - Donald Trump has a plan? CNN thinks so. Maybe it is stored right next to his Healthcare plan, China plan, and Defeat ISIS plan
 * 13) Trump signs executive order asking every department "just what do they do around here?"
 * 14) If you wanted your Decline and Fall of the American Republic in graph form, we've got you covered
 * 15) Paranoia seizes Trump's White House. This is not a repeat from Jan 20th, 21st, 22nd, 23rd etc
 * 16) Trump's agenda hinges on the fate of Trumpscare
 * 17) Mulvaney: "We can't ask a coal miner to pay for the Corporation for Public Broadcasting." This story brought to you by the letters 'W,' 'T' and 'F'
 * 18) Trump treats his staff as horribly as he treats everyone else. Film at 11
 * 19) West Wing 'chaos' as Trump seems 'hellbent on squandering' any gains by his administration: report
 * 20) It appears that someone is blowing smoke up the White House's arse with some crazy theory about smog
 * 21) By order of Secretary Spicer, Paul Manafort is/was no longer the former Chairman of the Trump campaign but "Someone who played a very limited role for a very limited time". Please consign all non-conforming information to the nearest Memory Hole
 * 22) The age of open government is ending
 * 23) For all their denunciations of 'fake news,' the Trump administration has become a leading purveyor of it, and most of that seems to come to them via Moscow

Overzealous Staffer(s)

 * 1) White House press release contains a paragraph copied verbatim from an Exxon press release. If everything in The Swamp™ is killed by an oil spill, maybe that still counts?
 * 2) White House claims that Trump's allegations that Obama tapped his phones is evidence of wrongdoing even if it turns out to be false
 * 3) Trump's favorite Irish proverb is neither
 * 4) Sarcasm-illiterate (or actually illiterate) Trump press staffers include link to parody article skewering budget proposal in official daily briefing

Open Position(s)

 * 1) at least 46 United States attorneys
 * 2) The purge continues: On a Friday afternoon, Sessions asks for resignation of 46 U.S. attorneys
 * 3) Friday massacre, as Trump abruptly orders 46 Obama era prosecutors to resign, including the US Attorney in Manhattan who handles public corruption cases
 * 4) Commissar for Media Relations
 * 1) Commissar for Media Relations

Resignations

 * 1) The purge continues: On a Friday afternoon, Sessions asks for resignation of 46 U.S. attorneys
 * 2) Friday massacre, as Trump abruptly orders 46 Obama era prosecutors to resign, including the US Attorney in Manhattan who handles public corruption cases

New Hires

 * 1) James Donovan Deputy Treasury Secretary
 * 2) You may as well call him President Midas, because everything he touches turns to Goldman
 * 3) David Malpass Undersecretary of Treasury for international affairs
 * 4) Trump's hiring the Bear Stearns economist who promised the economy was fine right before it went bankrupt
 * 5) Seema Verma Medicaid Administrator
 * 6) The problem with Medicaid expansion is that it expanded Medicaid says the new director of Medicaid expansively
 * 7) Patrick M. Shanahan Deputy Secretary of Defense
 * 8) In further draining of the swamp, Trump admin nominates Boeing exec for Pentagon's deputy in charge of buying big flying things that go shooty

Vladimir Putin
Russian President and videotape archivist
 * 1) Kremlin: All this talk about how we interfered in your election is really making it difficult for us to be friends again
 * 2) Trouble in paradise: Vlad the Putin orders Russian media to stop chumming it up with Trump
 * 3) "Is Russiagate just a conspiracy theory?" If the headline ends in a question
 * 4) For all their denunciations of 'fake news,' the Trump administration has become a leading purveyor of it, and most of that seems to come to them via Moscow
 * 5) Tillerson to skip parent-teacher conference in lieu of hanging out with his best friend during school hours
 * 6) Minor unpaid Trump volunteer Paul Manafort was paid millions to push pro-Putin policy in US and Europe for the last decade
 * 7) Paul Manafort Drafted a Plan in 2005 to Influence American and European Politics for Putin's Benefit, which incidentally is how we ended up with Trump as President

Putin's Posse
Russian government-owned development bank under sanctions by U.S. and others Sluzhba vneshney razvedki (Russian Foreign Intelligence Service) chairman, Vnesheconombank New York-based Deputy Representative, Vnesheconombank, arrested for spying on the United States for the SVR January 26, 20215 Russian ambassador to the 2016 U.S. Presidential election and Anything Else Putin Wants Russian Foreign Minister Russian Foreign Ministry Spokeswoman Putin spokesman Vladimir Putin's press secretary formerly Russia Today, Russian international television network funded by the Russian government a news agency, consisting of websites, radio broadcast service (among others) established by the Russian government-controlled news agency Rossiya Segodnya Assistant Communications Director for Surrogate Operations distributed and publicized material stolen during hacks of the DNC, prominent Democratic operatives' emails disgraced Ukranian president-Russian puppet, leader of the "Party of Regions" model tenant, Trump Tower Russian aluminum magnate, close Putin ally director, Russian Embassy's economics section
 * 1) Vnesheconombank
 * 1) SVR
 * 1) SVR
 * 1) Sergey Gorkov
 * 1) Evgeny Buryakov
 * 1) Evgeny Buryakov
 * 1) Evgeny Buryakov
 * 1) Sergey Kislyak
 * 1) Meet Sergey Kislyak, the Russian ambassador at the center of Russiaghazi and Putin's top spy in the US
 * 2) Sergei Lavrov
 * 1) Sergei Lavrov
 * 1) Sergei Lavrov
 * 1) Sergei Lavrov
 * 1) Sergei Lavrov
 * 1) Russia's foreign minister decries the investigations into the Trump Administration's contacts with Russia using nearly identical language to that which Trump himself used. Dude, you're NOT helping
 * 2) Maria Zakharova
 * 1) It's not every day you get to see Russians run away in panic
 * 2) Dmitry Petrov
 * 1) Russia to Americans: Calm down sweetheart, you're just being hysterical. Your craziness is hurting our relationship
 * 2) All power to deflector shields
 * 3) Dmitry Peskov
 * 1) All power to deflector shields
 * RT
 * 1) How Russia weaponizes fake news. And no, it doesn't involve dropping Steve Bannon on you from a MiG-29
 * 2) Sputnik
 * 1) How Russia weaponizes fake news. And no, it doesn't involve dropping Steve Bannon on you from a MiG-29
 * 2) Boris Epshteyn
 * 1) The guy in charge of getting Trump surrogates interviewed by the various news outlets is so bad at his job that he recently got into a screaming match with the booker from FOX NEWS
 * 2) Dmitry Rybolovlev
 * 3) Hey, here's a question: Why has a Russian oligarch known as "The Fertilizer King" been following Trump around the country? Is it for the steady supply of cheap and plentiful bullshiat? Or is it something more sinister...?
 * 4) Trump claims that he has never met a man who paid him $95 million. Which I totally understand, I've never met a man who'd pay me $95 million either
 * 5) Russian oligarch who purchased Trump's Palm Beach mansion for way above market price, admits his plane and Trump's shared a tarmac in North Carolina days before the election, but totally did not meet or anything, trust him
 * 6) miscellaneous Russian Spies
 * 7) Russian spies offer to help tech companies overcome American spies
 * 8) Konstantin Kilimnik
 * 9) Paul Manafort's protégé? Russian collaborator
 * 10) Guccifer 2.0
 * 1) Nothing to see here -- just Trump associates directly communicating with Russian hackers mere weeks before the DNC was hacked
 * 2) Top level Publican fixer, Roger Stone, only had "banal" chats with Guccifer 2.0, the Russian hacker elite. They discussed the weather and Knicks prospects. Yeah, and Subby is just using the giggity tag because there is no Patriot tag
 * 3) Viktor Yanukovych
 * 1) New documents show that former Trump campaign chairman Paul Manafort laundered payments from pro-Putin Ukrainian party. Dripski. Dripski. Dripski
 * 2) Vadim Trincher
 * 1) The Trump Tower...you'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy
 * 2) Oleg Deripaska
 * 1) Paul Manafort Drafted a Plan in 2005 to Influence American and European Politics for Putin's Benefit, which incidentally is how we ended up with Trump as President
 * 2) Trump: Manawho? Never heard of him
 * 3) Mikhail Kalugin

Steve Bannon
White House chief strategist and Lumpy James May, Gentleman Fascist
 * 1) Which is more frightening, the possibility that Sessions used Bannon and Miller to become Attorney General, or the possibility that Bannon and Miller used Attorney General Sessions to become co-Presidents?
 * 2) Are you a legal immigrant? Do you already hold a green card? Well, according to The Chief White House Strategist, and member of the National Security Council, "Legal immigration is the 'real' problem"
 * 3) I'm a Jewish American who worked with Steve Bannon. He is not a racist or an anti-Semite
 * 4) For Trump to have any chance to accomplish any of his goals, he needs the "administrative state" that his puppet master Steve Bannon wants to destroy
 * 5) Donald Trump: "ZOMG all these people are doing McCarthyism at me, this is evil". President Bannon: "McCarthy was a genius whose only fault was not going far enough"
 * 6) Steve Bannon's favorite book is part "Turner Diaries", part "World War Z", and part "The Tale of Scrotie McBoogerballs"
 * 7) The "Deep State" is just a figment of Steve Bannon's diseased imagination. But that's just what they *want* you to think
 * 8) All in one article, we learn Steve Bannon dodged state taxes by pretending to live in Florida; his Breitbart salary; and his ex-wife's drug dealing boyfriend never watched Breaking Bad. Shoulda checked for 'HDPE' on the tub before dissolving a body
 * 9) Trump proves he is that boss who, even when he accidentally hires someone who might be good at their job, manages to screw it up by meddling and micromanaging. Unfortunately, he does this with national security, too
 * 10) Dude, you might not believe this but Trump nutter Steve Bannon was once a Deadhead
 * 11) Trump puppetmaster Steve Bannon is a fan of notorious French anti-semite philosopher, because of course he is
 * 12) Perhaps Steve Bannon has suffered some heartbreaking personal tragedy? An event so jarring, it shook him to his core, and left him vulnerable to the predatory recruitment tactics of a hateful ideology? Or, maybe he's just an asshole

Moustafa El-Gindy
former Egyptian legislator, businessman and owner of Breitbart’s Washington DC office

Commissars

 * 1) While Trump had you chasing Russia stories, he quietly hired 400 lobbyists and members of the far-right media as "beachhead teams" to be his eyes and ears at every level of government
 * 2) Independent Journal Review founded by former Republican party staffers Alex Skatell and Phil Musser in 2012
 * 3) Tillerson is traveling Asia with only one journalist, totally not a right wing hack from the Independent Journal Review, founded by conservatives in 2012. So, expect some enlightening coverage from this genius
 * 4) Nothing to see here, just the administration placing aides in government agencies to monitor for loyalty to the President
 * 5) America First Policies "capture all people who believe in the Trump agenda" as well as conducting research into public policies and promoting Trump's favored causes
 * Rick Gates, former deputy campaign manager, Trump 2016
 * Brad Parscale, Trump's digital and data director
 * Nick Ayers, Pence campaign advisor
 * Marty Obst, Pence campaign advisor
 * David Bossie
 * Katrina Pierson
 * both Ayers and Bossie have close ties to GOP mega-donors Robert and Rebekah Mercer

Lobbyists

 * 1) While Trump had you chasing Russia stories, he quietly hired 400 lobbyists and members of the far-right media as "beachhead teams" to be his eyes and ears at every level of government
 * 2) Hey, here's a question: Why has a Russian oligarch known as "The Fertilizer King" been following Trump around the country? Is it for the steady supply of cheap and plentiful bullshiat? Or is it something more sinister...?
 * 3) Watchdog group claims that Carl Icahn is lobbying Trump, even though he isn't a registered lobbyist. Icahn: I can do what I want
 * 4) Michael Flynn was a paid lobbyist for a pro Turkish group while working as an advisor for Trump both before and after Trump's election, but it's OK, he's going to "retroactively" file as a foreign agent
 * 5) Trump campaign chief turned Lobbyist Corey Lewandowski is raising money for a PAC designed to help "drain the swamp" and fight corruption in Washington. Man, who would've expected him to turn on his former boss like that?

Strategic Initiatives Group

 * White House think tank created by Bannon and Kushner
 * works on issues of foreign policy decisions and national strategy and security; possibly duplicating the work of the National Security Council
 * members include Sebastian Gorka

White House Office of American Innovation
the group aims to develop fresh solutions to persistent problems afflicting American society
 * director Jared Kushner

Financial Stability Oversight Council
created by the Dodd-Frank Wall Street reform law
 * chairman Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin

Silicon Valley Entreprenuers

 * 1) President Trump: brought to you by the same people who unleashed knock-off fart apps on the world
 * 2) Today we learn how the revolving door between the government and Amazon.com use your tax dollars, make Bezos a happy guy

Donald Trump, Jr.
America's Uday
 * 1) Donald Trump was paid $50K to speak at pro-Russia event
 * 2) Trump's sons are plotting to leverage their ties established during the campaign
 * 3) Donald Trump Jr. goes on Twitter rant about fake news after Rachel Maddow unveiled his father's very real tax returns
 * 4) Eric and Donald Jr. run daddy's businesses and are continually Tweeting about his policies while trying desperately not to violate various ethics laws. More than they already have
 * 5) Donald Trump Jr. takes to Twitter to insult the Mayor of London over terrorist attack. I'm beginning to think there's a nature, not nurture thing going on here
 * 6) Don Trump Jr praised Jimmy Fallon for not being "vicious and pushing a political agenda like everyone else on TV." Wait, who does that?

Eric Trump
"I'm Eric!"
 * 1) Trump's sons are plotting to leverage their ties established during the campaign
 * 2) Eric and Donald Jr. run daddy's businesses and are continually Tweeting about his policies while trying desperately not to violate various ethics laws. More than they already have

Ivanka Trump
"First" Lady
 * 1) The liberal voice of the Trump administration has had her mouth sewn shut. Thanks, dad
 * 2) Questions on Ivanka Trump products can now be sent to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. -- and that includes classified data too

Ivanka's new position in Daddy's Administration

 * 1) Secretary of Female Appeasement
 * 2) Deputy Under Secretary of Grifting
 * 3) "Person Given A Position That Can Claim Executive Privilege To Avoid Congressional Testimony"
 * 4) Extra Special Assistant to the President
 * 5) Agent Zelníčková, Heroine of Mother Russia
 * 6) Princess baby-girl
 * 7) [Daddy's] service animal
 * 8) Bottom biotch
 * 9) Co-Director of the Bureau of Blatant Narcissism
 * 1) Co-Director of the Bureau of Blatant Narcissism

Mike Pence
"Vice" President
 * 1) Pence on healthcare: "No one is going to fall through the cracks." The chasms, yes. But cracks, no
 * 2) ʙᴜᴛ...ʜᴇʀ...ᴇᴍᴀɪʟs
 * 3) File this under "It's totes okay when we do it"
 * 4) Mike Pence says there's no comparison to Clinton on his private email use, as he's a Republican with a penis
 * 5) Vice President Mike Pence demands apology from media for publishing his wife's private email address... which became a matter of public record because Mike Pence used his private email account to conduct government business
 * 6) Reporter: "Mr. Pence, do you believe Trump's claim about Obama wiretapping him, yes or no?" VP Pence: "EVASIVE MANEUVERS, EVASIVE MANEUVERS. ALL POWER TO PORT THRUSTERS AND TRANSFER ALL POWER TO DEFLECTOR SHIELDS"
 * 7) Mike Pence: "I had no knowledge that Michael Flynn was working as a paid lobbyist during the campaign" Elijah Cummings: " Here's the letter I sent you on Nov. 18 warning that Flynn was a paid lobbyist" Pence: "Can I get a smoke bomb over here?"
 * 8) Mike Pence to get "World's 2nd Best Boss" mug

Jared Kushner
Son-in-law
 * 1) NEW BOMBSHELL: Jared Kushner and Mike Flynn met with the Russians in December
 * 2) Make Chile Great Again
 * 3) What's that, oh it's nothing, just Jared Kushner's family making $400 million because a huge Chinese company is buying one of their buildings at a wildly inflated price on terms ridiculously favorable to the Kushners, nothing to see here, move along
 * 4) Trump proves he is that boss who, even when he accidentally hires someone who might be good at their job, manages to screw it up by meddling and micromanaging. Unfortunately, he does this with national security, too
 * 5) Shortly after a Chinese government-connected corporation brokered a NYC real estate deal that netted Jared Kushner $400 million because of its ridiculously favorable terms, the head of Chinese Intelligence front buys a $15 mil condo in Trump Towers

Reince Priebus
Chief of Staff
 * 1) Looks like there's a big-ass bus barreling towards Chief of Staff Reince Priebus. The well-oiled machine is constantly crashing and everyone - including Trump - is starting to point the finger at him
 * 2) It's always a good sign when your boss starts telling reporters what your next job could be
 * 3) Trump treats his staff as horribly as he treats everyone else. Film at 11

Stephen Miller
Assistant to the President
 * 1) Which is more frightening, the possibility that Sessions used Bannon and Miller to become Attorney General, or the possibility that Bannon and Miller used Attorney General Sessions to become co-Presidents?
 * 2) Who is Stephen Miller, 31 year old senior white house advisor? You mean, besides the next guy to resign because he talked to Russia and lied about it?

Roger Stone
''Top. Advisor.''
 * 1) Roger Stone repeatedly opens mouth, inserts foot on Twitter
 * 2) Top advisor to Donald Trump, Roger Stone, throws his own twitter tantrum, calling JK Rowling a hypocrite, a feminist an ignorant stupid ugly b*tch, then goes on to admit working with Wikileaks and the Russians, then deletes all of the above posts
 * 3) Nothing to see here -- just Trump associates directly communicating with Russian hackers mere weeks before the DNC was hacked
 * 4) Top level Publican fixer, Roger Stone, only had "banal" chats with Guccifer 2.0, the Russian hacker elite. They discussed the weather and Knicks prospects. Yeah, and Subby is just using the giggity tag because there is no Patriot tag
 * 5) Adorable Trump operative Roger Stone thinks he's important enough to be targeted for assassination
 * 6) Trump allies Roger Stone and Paul Manafort both wanted for questioning in Russia investigations

Sebastian v. Gorka
Deputy assistant to President, counter-terrorism advisor
 * 1) Well of course Trump's counterterrorism expert is a member of a Nazi group

Peter Theil
Advisor to the President
 * 1) Oh, so THAT'S why Peter Thiel supports Donald Trump (Spoiler: it's money.)

Carter Page
American oil industry consultant, foreign policy advisor
 * 1) Former Trump advisor Carter Page also met with the Russian, forcing us to conclude that the entire Trump campaign was doing shots of vodka and planning to invade Finland
 * 2) Trump Campaign Knew
 * 3) KellyAnne Conway: Donald Trump doesn't know who Carter Page is

Michael Cohen
President's personal lawyer
 * 1) Trump attorney challenges Scarborough to prove Trump team is behind tax leak, because proof is something everyone else has to provide

Jerry Falwell
higher education reform task force

Pat Robertson
Advisor to the President in hate-related matters

Rudy Giuliani
former NYC mayor, drag performer, "terrorism" "expert"

Pat Buchanan
Oval Office groupie
 * 1) "It doesn't get any better than this," says quivering mound of hate jello Pat Buchanan, who gleefully revels in Donald Trump's reshaping of the Republican party

Richard Spencer
Whiteness Advisor
 * 1) NOT NEWS: Punch-magnet white supremacist shames welfare. NEWS: Wearing bootstraps funded by millions in government subsidies. FARK: Paid to his family-owned cotton farm in Louisiana
 * 2) Georgia nonprofit was duped into unwittingly giving white supremacist Richard Spencer $25,000 after an anonymous donor gifted them the money with specific instructions

Supreme Court Nominee Neil Gorsuch

 * 1) Democrats paralyzed as Gorsuch skates. To be fair, his Biellmann spin and stag jump combo earned him a 10.0 from the Ecuadorian judges
 * 2) If Neil Gorsuch isn't a legitimate SCOTUS judge, then I understand the Senate has ways of shutting that down
 * 3) GOP Senators ask Judge Gorsuch the probing questions: "What's the answer to life, the universe, and everything?" and "Would you rather fight 1 horse-sized duck or 100 duck-sized horses?" Hey, I thought there wasn't going to be a litmus test
 * 4) Gorsuch believes it is improper to state opinions about historic cases. A SCOTUS appointee with no opinion or regard for precedent? The perfect candidate
 * 5) Unanimous Supreme Court overturns a Gorsuch decision ... in the middle of his confirmation hearing
 * 6) 'The SCOTUS bladder is something the whole country stands in awe of'
 * 7) Supreme Court Nominee thinks you should die to protect your company's property, no word on if he thinks the company owes you a funeral or if they can sue your spouse for cleaning up after your corpse
 * 8) Nominated
 * 9) Nominated
 * 1) Nominated
 * 2) Nominated
 * 1) Nominated
 * 2) Nominated
 * 1) Nominated

Sean Spicer
White House Press Secretary
 * 1) That time Sean Spicer was the White House Easter Bunny
 * 2) Democrats want Sessions to recuse himself. Republicans want Sessions to recuse himself. Sessions is open to recusing himself. So naturally, Sean Spicer thinks you're all bunch of god damned idiot partisan liberals who just hate Trump and America
 * 3) Spicey is almost as good at Twitter as his boss
 * 4) Trump policy on recreational weed seen as major buzzkill, logistical nightmare
 * 5) Watch Spicer get his wires tapped by the press corps at 1:30 EST(audio only today)
 * 6) Spicer will be live on video for his press conference today, this is apparently news as it is not a gaggle nor is it audio only as yesterday's press thing was
 * 7) 8 tricks for defending Trump on the left. More tricks on the right
 * 8) Media reports that Trump is meeting with former rivals in a "charm offensive." Minus the charm
 * 9) Spicer: "Obama tapped a Fox reporter's phone." Fox reporter: "No, he didn't" Spicer lackey: "There are multiple reports that Obama tapped a Fox reporter's phone"
 * 10) Trumpy Spice: "Every member of the House and Senate will be able to have their opportunity to have amendments (on TrumpCare) offered through the committee process and on the floor," GOP Leadership: The Hell you say
 * 11) Spicy talks about how the giant tax breaks for rich people and higher insurance premiums are good, OK? But you people keep writing your stories to make us look bad
 * 12) White House spokesperson: Trump doesn't know a damn thing
 * 13) The master of understatement Shepard Smith finally snaps on the latest Michael Flynn collusion revelations, barks "There's been a lot of lying." It's just some light treason, right?
 * 14) I knew it. Sean Spicer is being held hostage against his will. After all, nobody could say all those ridiculous things and actually mean them
 * 15) Virtually the entire White House tweets about February's job stats, minutes after the official numbers are released. This is in direct violation of Statistical Policy Directive Number 3, which prohibits Federal employees from doing so
 * 16) WH: It's fine, just fine, nothing to see here. There are no investigations targeting the President, and if there were, we cannot comment on on-going investigations anyway. So there. Nailed it
 * 17) Spicer will finally reveal the wiretapping evidence against Obama- or implode. (Live at 1ish EST)
 * 18) Trump 'doesn't really think' Obama personally tapped his phone. Last five words completely unnecessary
 * 19) The Left's version of O'keefe is low energy, didn't even dress up for this, sad
 * 20) Spicer Says: Trump wants the White House Press pool to decide where he donates his salary. I'm pretty sure they all read Fark so let's give them some suggestions
 * 21) NBC Reporter: "Can we trust that what the President says is real?" Bullshiat Spice: "If he's not joking, of course"
 * 22) Welcome to Politics 2017 - The Year of the Walk Back
 * 23) We all hate getting dressed for work on a Monday, but it seems Sean Spicer didn't even want to try
 * 24) Sean Spicer seemed shocked to hear Jim Acosta say poor people existed; he just thought it was a myth like Star Wars or Hillary Clinton having people murdered
 * 25) Trump is planning on cutting the NWS, EPA, Medicare and Medicaid, but you can bet your tax dollars he's going back to Mar-a-Lago this weekend
 * 26) Enjoy Sean Spicer's latest Melissa McCarthy impersonation
 * 27) White House officially downgrades its apology to "an explanation"
 * 28) Sean Spicer is increasingly becoming like one of those robots in a logic puzzle: You can NEVER admit your Boss lies, But your Boss NEVER tells the Truth, and you have to explain what he really means
 * 29) Trump treats his staff as horribly as he treats everyone else. Film at 11
 * 30) Sean Spicer wears a green tie for St. Patrick's day. Green screen hilarity ensues
 * 31) Don Lemon summarizes Bullshiat Spice's latest word salad by comparing it to Billy Madison. Does he have a Fark handle?
 * 32) Spicer going out live at 1:30 for the "NO YOU" counterpunch against Comey on The Hill
 * 33) By order of Secretary Spicer, Paul Manafort is/was no longer the former Chairman of the Trump campaign but "Someone who played a very limited role for a very limited time". Please consign all non-conforming information to the nearest Memory Hole
 * 34) Your SpicerFact for 3/20/17: Trump golfing is better than Obama golfing because Trump uses golf to solve the world's problems
 * 35) CNN political commentator says "Sean Spicer doesn't believe Sean Spicer at this point". Well, duh - that Ghostbusters remake was an atrocity
 * 36) So, will Spicer manage to spin so much he corkscrews into the bedrock? It's the daily White House press briefing - live at 2:15ish EDT
 * 37) Bullshiat Spice: Come on guys, obviously the President was having some fun with recalcitrant GOP members who refuse to back Health Care bill, he wasn't actually threatening them...no, really. Trust him
 * 38) Will Spiceweasel throw Paul under the bus? Will Sean create an alternate reality where Trump is a Democrat so therefore the Democrats are working with Russia? Better man a fort, THIS is your Sean Spiceweasel's daily press briefing. (starts 1:30ET)
 * 39) Trump: Manawho? Never heard of him

Mike Dubke
Communications Director

Kellyanne Conway
Counselor to the President


 * 1) So Trump's lawyers took Conway's illegal plugging of Ivanka's shiat a bit more seriously than Trump did
 * 2) Survivor of the Bowling Green Massacre who lost both her legs responds to powerful photo showing her perched on the Oval Office couch
 * 3) Kellyanne Conway to be suspended without pay for plugging Ivanka's clothing line and if you believed that for even a moment you really haven't been paying attention
 * 4) 8 tricks for defending Trump on the left. More tricks on the right
 * 5) President Trump: Our wonderful new Healthcare Bill is now out for review and negotiation. Kellyanne Conway: TrumpCare? Oh, hell to the no
 * 6) The Uber-conservative National Review "If you want to see political malpractice in action, you don't have to read Donald Trump's latest tweet - just look at the mess Republicans have made of replacing Obamacare"
 * 7) White House: Ethics laws do not apply to the executive branch. U.S. Ethics official: Um, yes they do, dumb asses
 * 8) Human-pug hybrid Kellyanne Conway pulls another alternative fact out of her rectum, says the Trump campaign was monitored in other ways
 * 9) Small appliance expert Kellyanne Conway says she's not sure what was used to spy on Trump campaign, because she's "not inspector Gadget." Yes, that was a quote
 * 10) What's surrounded by fur and has a foul wind blowing out of its hole?
 * 11) Alternative Facts v2.0 is live. I'm pissed because there are no new features, just word-play tweaks and balancing. Definitely not buying the expansion when it comes out
 * 12) Kellyanne's husband picked to lead the civil division of the DOJ. Fun fact that certainly won't come back to haunt him? He was part of the legal team for Paula Jones that established you can sue sitting U.S. presidents
 * 13) Mike Pence to get "World's 2nd Best Boss" mug
 * 14) Kellyanne Conway has paid for abortions. To be fair, you can't always get one for free when you really need to be rejuvenated by the fresh soul of a dead baby
 * 15) The internet is forever, and things you post can come back to haunt you later. Isn't that right, Mrs. Kellyanne "Ha, ha, you're being investigated by the FBI" Conway?
 * 16) KellyAnne Conway: Donald Trump doesn't know who Carter Page is

Sarah Huckabee Sanders
White House deputy press secretary
 * 1) Spicer: "Obama tapped a Fox reporter's phone." Fox reporter: "No, he didn't" Spicer lackey: "There are multiple reports that Obama tapped a Fox reporter's phone"

Mike Huckabee
former governor of Arkansas

Boris Epshteyn
Commissar for Media Relations

Michael Flynn (ret.)
former National Security Adviser
 * 1) NEW BOMBSHELL: Jared Kushner and Mike Flynn met with the Russians in December
 * 2) Michael Flynn was a paid lobbyist for a pro Turkish group while working as an advisor for Trump both before and after Trump's election, but it's OK, he's going to "retroactively" file as a foreign agent
 * 3) White House spokesperson: Trump doesn't know a damn thing
 * 4) The master of understatement Shepard Smith finally snaps on the latest Michael Flynn collusion revelations, barks "There's been a lot of lying." It's just some light treason, right?
 * 5) Mike Pence: "I had no knowledge that Michael Flynn was working as a paid lobbyist during the campaign" Elijah Cummings: " Here's the letter I sent you on Nov. 18 warning that Flynn was a paid lobbyist" Pence: "Can I get a smoke bomb over here?"
 * 6) RT thought Michael Flynn was worth paying $45K to speak in Moscow. This means something, right?
 * 7) If you're gonna sell out your country to the Russians, at least do it for more than a lousy $68k
 * 8) Rep Trey Gowdy attempts a high profile "But what about..." during the Comey hearing, but doesn't quite stick the landing

H.R. McMaster
National Security Advisor
 * 1) McMaster to NSC: You know what, it'll be like that Flynn guy never happened
 * 2) Trump proves he is that boss who, even when he accidentally hires someone who might be good at their job, manages to screw it up by meddling and micromanaging. Unfortunately, he does this with national security, too

Ezra Cohen-Watnick
Senior director for intelligence programs, National Security Council'
 * 1) Trump proves he is that boss who, even when he accidentally hires someone who might be good at their job, manages to screw it up by meddling and micromanaging. Unfortunately, he does this with national security, too

Michael Ellis
Deputy National Security Council Legal Advisor; former counsel for House Intelligence Committee

Robert Mercer
billionaire, donor
 * 1) News: Turns out Conservatives were right, there is a mysterious billionaire spending millions around the world to implement his nefarious agenda. Fark: He is also conservative and had a hand in Brexit and Trump's victory

Paul Manafort
 former Chairman of the Trump campaign Someone who played a very limited role for a very limited time
 * 1) By order of Secretary Spicer, Paul Manafort is/was no longer the former Chairman of the Trump campaign but "Someone who played a very limited role for a very limited time". Please consign all non-conforming information to the nearest Memory Hole
 * 2) Paul Manafort's protégé? Russian collaborator
 * 3) Paul Manafort's daughter sends out text message bragging about the people her father had killed
 * 4) For SOME reason the US government isn't responding to Ukraine's requests to interview Paul Manafort in connection to a corruption investigation. Gee, I wonder why that is
 * 5) Trump allies Roger Stone and Paul Manafort both wanted for questioning in Russia investigations
 * 6) New documents show that former Trump campaign chairman Paul Manafort laundered payments from pro-Putin Ukrainian party. Dripski. Dripski. Dripski
 * 7) Minor unpaid Trump volunteer Paul Manafort was paid millions to push pro-Putin policy in US and Europe for the last decade
 * 8) Paul Manafort Drafted a Plan in 2005 to Influence American and European Politics for Putin's Benefit, which incidentally is how we ended up with Trump as President
 * 9) Trump: Manawho? Never heard of him

Stefan Passantino
White House ethics lawyer
 * 1) So Trump's lawyers took Conway's illegal plugging of Ivanka's shiat a bit more seriously than Trump did

David Apol
''Top. Lawyer. Office of Government Ethics''
 * 1) So Trump's lawyers took Conway's illegal plugging of Ivanka's shiat a bit more seriously than Trump did

Walter Shaub
Director, Office of Government Ethics
 * 1) So Trump's lawyers took Conway's illegal plugging of Ivanka's shiat a bit more seriously than Trump did
 * 2) White House: Ethics laws do not apply to the executive branch. U.S. Ethics official: Um, yes they do, dumb asses

Frank Gaffney
director, Center for Security Policy, his tiny think tank
 * 1) Turns out the best way to radicalize people is to strip them of their nationality. Not that this administration would know or anything

Corey Lewandowski
former campaign chief, current lobbyist
 * 1) Trump campaign chief turned Lobbyist Corey Lewandowski is raising money for a PAC designed to help "drain the swamp" and fight corruption in Washington. Man, who would've expected him to turn on his former boss like that?

Nigel Farage
leader of the UKIP (United Kingdom Independence Party)