Drumpfster Fire Daily Chaos

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This page is for all the Fark threads for the current month of 

The President's Address to Congress

 * 1) Colbert completed Trump's 'say it to my face' challenge
 * 2) Here is the real democratic response to Trump's speech
 * 3) With a coherent speech for once, Donald Trump may have just had his Bar Mitzvah moment
 * 4) Apparently not having learned their lesson from the past election, Democrats pick the most underwhelming candidate they could find to deliver the Democratic response to Trump. How underwhelming? Even Rachel Maddow panned him as small and stunty
 * 5) President ME has left the building: Trump references self 60 percent less than Obama in first SOTU address. And remember, this is Donald Trump we are talking about
 * 6) Factchecking of Trump's speech exceeds expectations by 17%
 * 7) Of the three bills and two executive orders President Trumpler signed yesterday, guess which one wasn't given a signing ceremony or photoshoot
 * 8) Trump's first address to congress was watched by three billion people, more than any other American President before him
 * 9) We now know Trump is no ballerina, he didn't have a one-night "pivot" concerning his State of the Union speech, so just stop picturing him in a tutu
 * 10) Fox News was the most-watched cable network for Trump's State of The Confederacy speech
 * 11) "The media's reaction to his speech to Congress was shameful"

Christopher Steele
former British spy, Trump opposition research dossier author
 * 1) Castor bean and polonium futures surge as Trump Dossier author Christopher Steele emerges in London eager to return to his position as head of Orbis Business Intelligence. Something tells me we're about to see an extremely busy news cycle
 * 2) Rep. Maxine Waters: "We know" Trump sex blackmail is "absolutely true." Which is such a coincidence because Max Waters was the name of one of his Russian prostitutes
 * 3) Claims to existence of Trump's sex tapes are being watered down

Meglomania, Jingoism

 * 1) Remember Trump's fawning, gladhanding, insincere meeting with Times people back in November, when he called the paper a "jewel," praised Obama and admitted that maybe global warming was true? Well, they fell for it again
 * 2) Evil liberal leftist enemy of democracy CNN continues to destroy America by praising Donald Trump for using the power of his spoken words to single-handedly send the DJIA soaring 200 points to over 21,000
 * 3) President ME has left the building: Trump references self 60 percent less than Obama in first SOTU address. And remember, this is Donald Trump we are talking about
 * 4) You may be wondering why Elon Musk has been cozying up to the Trump administration. And the new Tesla facilities in Russia is just a coincidence
 * 5) Looks like Trump is right, News coverage of him is really, really negative. Even on Fox News. To be fair, there are only so many positive ways one can cover a turd
 * 6) Colbert completed Trump's 'say it to my face' challenge
 * 7) The Great Trump Recovery from the Obama Recession has officially begun
 * 8) Odd, just eight years ago a president asking for a lot of money for infrastructure projects was grounds for conservative riots, death threats, and impeachment talks
 * 9) Trump's first address to congress was watched by three billion people, more than any other American President before him
 * 10) People who know point out how Trump has changed his wardrobe to look less Trumpian. Same people throw up their hands over Sean Spicer
 * 11) Trump attempts to deflect the latest revelation involving one of his staffers coordinating with Russia by going on Twitter and making fake claims about the economy
 * 12) Trump to give speech aboard USS Gerald Ford at 2:30 p.m. EDT. Will he stumble and trip?
 * 13) As if "alternative facts" weren't bad enough, "alternative intelligence" will lead us straight to war. Again
 * 14) Despite what he says, Trump loves Obama. How much? First, Melania plagiarized Michelle's speech at the Convention. Now, Trump uses Obama's weakness as his own, i.e. not explaining his policies better with the American people
 * 15) The Trump-Beltway wars have only just begun
 * 16) Celebrate the 1st year anniversary of President Trump announcing his penis is not only bigly YUGE, but that it's armed and fully operational. #trumpclass
 * 17) After putting in so much effort and hard work not to sound unhinged during his speech to congress Trump rewards himself with spending the weekend at his Mar-A-Lago estate
 * 18) Today is the day that Trump supporters will show their strength in March 4 Trump rallies all across the country. Already tens of Trump supporters have shown up at the National Mall
 * 19) Video has emerged of Donald Trump's oval office Tirade against Bannon, Priebus et al last Friday. And No, this is not a "Downfall" rickroll, though, in some ways the similarities s ARE striking
 * 20) You know you're a lonely person when you find yourself taking a life-sized cardboard cutout of President Trump on camping trips, boat rides, and a country music festival
 * 21) The serious case for Oprah 2020
 * 22) "Today is the day when all patriotic Americans will show President Trump all the respect he deserves"
 * 23) Donald Trump $2 bills are the best $2 bills ever. Everyone thinks so. It's fantastic U.S. legal tender. They are worth at least $13.95 each. Other $2 bills may be worth only $2. Sad
 * 24) Looks like there's a big-ass bus barreling towards Chief of Staff Reince Priebus. The well-oiled machine is constantly crashing and everyone - including Trump - is starting to point the finger at him
 * 25) President Trump has decided to use the power of his office to expose the potential duplicity and unscrupulous behavior of the Obama Administration in the wiretapping of his campaign
 * 26) Handed out with a photo of him signing it, Trump doubles down on Muslim ban
 * 27) Trump has 26 million Twitter followers but is only following 43 people and businesses. And most of those businesses are his own
 * 28) Welcome to the post-truth presidency
 * 29) Lots of people showed up for "March 4 Trump" rallies across the country, if you count maybe 150 people total as a lot of people
 * 30) Trump is making America so great that Blacks, Latinos, and Whites all agree that race relations are getting worse since he took office. Asians? No idea. Great people, Asians. The best
 * 31) Russian hacking of the DNC is a problem, not a scandal. The scandal is this: Who inside the government of the United States is trying to discredit, damage or destroy the President of the United States?
 * 32) Hey everyone, looks like everything is running smoothly. Trump's tweets speak for themselves
 * 33) 8 tricks for defending Trump on the left. More tricks on the right
 * 34) A minute-by-minute breakdown of two hours of this morning's "Fox & Friends" and President Trump's tweets that soon followed and referenced each story almost verbatim
 * 35) Trump surprises kids on White House tour because everyone thought he was at Mar-a-Lago again
 * 36) Now that President Trump has figured out this White House gig his approval ratings have started to climb
 * 37) Remember back when Republicans were concerned about the president taking too many vacations? Good times, those were....GOOOOD times
 * 38) The more President Trump wins, the more the Dems and anti-Trump conservatives flail their arms in disgust
 * 39) White House claims that Trump's allegations that Obama tapped his phones is evidence of wrongdoing even if it turns out to be false
 * 40) Ted and Heidi Cruz to dine with Trump tonight, and Ted's moonlighting as the Zodiac Killer won't even crack the top ten most awkward factors
 * 41) It looks like the most effective way to save Obamacare is simply to label whatever awful "replacement" the GOP comes up with as "Trumpcare" and sit back and let the Narcissist-in Chief do all the heavy lifting to kill it
 * 42) President Trump misses fantastic opportunity to stay logged out of his Twitter account and keep his mouth shut on International Women's Day
 * 43) Goofy haircut? ✔ Boxy, ill-fitting suits? ✔ Erratic and unstable personality? ✔ Primitive vocabulary? ✔ Hates the country to the south? ✔ Brooks no opposition from underlings? ✔ Thin skin? ✔ Father gave him his career? ✔ Is it Trump or Kim Jong Un?
 * 44) Trump has smashed, destroyed, and otherwise perverted the Presidential Code
 * 45) President Trump nominated for Nobel Peace Prize. He's only been in office a month so the odds are against him, like our president has ever been daunted by the odds
 * 46) Trump claims that he has never met a man who paid him $95 million. Which I totally understand, I've never met a man who'd pay me $95 million either
 * 47) I'm sure it's just a coincidence, but, the New York Daily News, America's paper of opposition to Donald Trump before the election, has changed their tone with President "no press access to haters" Trump
 * 48) New poll suggests the Democratic Party is less popular than Trump and Pence. Dealer showing 10, DNC seen doubling down
 * 49) So what is up with Donald Trump and a cemetery or cemeteries in New Jersey?
 * 50) Johnny Smith apprehended; President Stillson safe
 * 51) Military unit that flew a Trump flag during a convoy did so because their commander thought it would be okay because he won the election
 * 52) Trump's 'security nightmare' trips to Mar-a-Lago provide a bounty of opportunities for hostile spies
 * 53) Trump White House delegitimizes anything that gets in the way of its propaganda
 * 54) Human-pug hybrid Kellyanne Conway pulls another alternative fact out of her rectum, says the Trump campaign was monitored in other ways
 * 55) Donald Trump will host China's president at Mar-A-Lago because why not waste more taxpayer dollars
 * 56) Spicer Says: Trump wants the White House Press pool to decide where he donates his salary. I'm pretty sure they all read Fark so let's give them some suggestions
 * 57) Trump tweets snowstorm warning from the agency whose budget he's planning to slash
 * 58) Another day, another GOP survey. You would think that if they wanted to get feedback from voters, they would hold townhalls or something
 * 59) Trump signs executive order asking every department "just what do they do around here?"
 * 60) President Trump: brought to you by the same people who unleashed knock-off fart apps on the world

FLOTUS BS

 * 1) "I am a passionate believer in integrating and interpreting nature's elements into our daily lives" Did Melania just come out as a Wiccan?
 * 2) Melania Trump read to some students for National Book Day, and not since the My Pet Goat incident of 2001 has a public political storytime gone so horribly wrong
 * 3) The liberal boycott of Ivanka's clothing line was an outstanding success; best performing weeks in the history of the brand
 * 4) Make Chile Great Again
 * 5) Donald Trump: "We will follow two simple rules: buy American and hire American." Ivanka: What do you mean we?
 * 6) What's that, oh it's nothing, just Jared Kushner's family making $400 million because a huge Chinese company is buying one of their buildings at a wildly inflated price on terms ridiculously favorable to the Kushners, nothing to see here, move along
 * 7) Ivanka celebrates holiday where Jews hung liar who tried to have them killed. Steve Bannon said to be uncomfortable with the idea

Generalissimo Know-It-All

 * 1) Trump uses dead soldier's widow as a prop in joint address, even though he was most likely responsible for soldier's death. Soldier's father agrees. How about a "shameless" tag on Fark?
 * 2) Rachel Maddow to Hugh Hewitt: Shut the fark up Huey. That's what Trump said
 * 3) Remember how we joked that all Trump needed to look the part of third world despot was the military regalia? Well, he apparently thought it was a neat idea
 * 4) Trump's desire for a military buildup is a solution to a problem that does not exist and it is dangerous, irrational, and a waste of money
 * 5) The buck stops at General Votel
 * 6) Paul Manafort's daughter sends out text message bragging about the people her father had killed
 * 7) Thanks to Trump, the CIA can conduct drone strikes in secret

Coward

 * 1) Remember Trump's fawning, gladhanding, insincere meeting with Times people back in November, when he called the paper a "jewel," praised Obama and admitted that maybe global warming was true? Well, they fell for it again
 * 2) Looks like Trump is right, News coverage of him is really, really negative. Even on Fox News. To be fair, there are only so many positive ways one can cover a turd
 * 3) Trump says one thing to journalists and another thing to the public. White House staffers: Uh, we meant to do that
 * 4) Shepard Smith thinks it's hilarious the White House gave Fox News some "anonymous sources" after Trump just criticized the media for using them
 * 5) President Trump's latest attempt to stop the damaging leaks coming from the White House leaks to the press
 * 6) The media is targeting Jeff Sessions because he uncovered the ultra-secret Department of Justice slush fund that Obama and his predecessors used to keep the media in line
 * 7) White House finally responds to growing questions about Wikileaks CIA dump, Trump's wiretap accusation and connections to Russia...by canceling all press events
 * 8) Trump White House delegitimizes anything that gets in the way of its propaganda
 * 9) Refined Gentleman that he is, President Trump lets it be known via the Twitter machine that he is distempered, nay, downright appalled, at the rudeness and lack of civility the uncouth media is displaying towards his designated liars
 * 10) Welcome to Politics 2017 - The Year of the Walk Back
 * 11) FTFA: In what can be described as journalistic malpractice and a gross dereliction of duty, the alt-left radical propaganda press continues to insist there is some nefarious connection between President Trump and Moscow. Evidence? They don't need any
 * 12) "Morning Joe" host Mika Brzezinski looks into camera and says directly to Trump: "It's a very serious allegation. And it questions everything that you're about. And it questions whether we can ever believe you, and whether Americans can believe you"
 * 13) Another day, another GOP survey. You would think that if they wanted to get feedback from voters, they would hold townhalls or something

Muslim ban

 * 1) Donald Trump holds off signing the second iteration of the Travel Ban order because he doesn't want to take the courts to court again
 * 2) Trump's new and improved travel ban order is going to exclude Iraq from the list of countries that travel is banned from. You know, Iraq? The country ISIS currently controls about half of? Yeah that place
 * 3) Travel Ban Volume 2 to be released on Monday
 * 4) Handed out with a photo of him signing it, Trump doubles down on Muslim ban
 * 5) Guys, it's not a Muslim ban. We know this because Trump told us. Please don't look at his own website telling us how he wants "a total and complete shutdown of Muslims entering the United States"
 * 6) Gold Star father Khizr Khan: "Guys, I have been persecuted by having my ability to travel put under review by these fascists." People: "Wow, that sounds terrible. Details?" Khan: *waves pocket Constitution, throws smokebomb*
 * 7) Ferguson vs Trump. Round 2, FIGHT
 * 8) Okay folks, I want a unique angle on this Muslim Ban, doesn't matter how stupid. Um... What if we blamed it on Jimmy Carter?
 * 9) "President Donald Trump's revised travel ban executive order suffered its first legal setback Friday as a federal judge blocked the directive's potential impact on the family of a Syrian refugee living in Wisconsin"
 * 10) Meh, we didn't need those Afghans who helped U.S. forces despite risk to life and limb anyways
 * 11) Trump: "My new and improved travel ban is flawless, see you in court liberotardos" Lawyers and judges: "You are really bad at this"
 * 12) Trump's travel ban preventing certain groups from coming into US. Do those groupds groups include A: Al Queda? B: ISIS? or C: The Canadian version of the Girl Scouts?

Refugees

 * 1) Canada expecting record numbers of people to flee the United States and seek asylum. Hardliners demand that the Canadian government deploy their crack bear cavalry and moose chuckers to secure the border
 * 2) Not news: People illegally crossing the border. News: Into Canada. Fark: Not as many as in 2008

Immigrants

 * 1) Are you ready to hear the V.O.I.C.E. of America?
 * 2) Why Trump's VOICE program is drawing comparisons to Nazis. TL;DR: It's literally a Nazi policy
 * 3) Trump administration wants to strip privacy protections from non-U.S. citizens that have been in place for decades
 * 4) Trump points to Canada as a model for U.S. immigration reform. Leave us out of this please
 * 5) Are you a legal immigrant? Do you already hold a green card? Well, according to The Chief White House Strategist, and member of the National Security Council, "Legal immigration is the 'real' problem"
 * 6) Trump says one thing to journalists and another thing to the public. White House staffers: Uh, we meant to do that
 * 7) ICE is now arresting any illegal immigrant who speaks in public as part of a "targeted immigration enforcement action"
 * 8) Everyone: Trump's immigration policy can't possibly get any crueler. White House: Hold our taco bowls
 * 9) Today ICE's crack goon squad made America safer by arresting a man who has lived in this country for more than 20 years, while he was taking his daughter to school, because he had a ten-year old DUI and a busted registration sticker 20 years ago
 * 10) Thanks to Trump's war against immigrants and Obamacare, a lot of poor white trash in red states are going to die horrible, painful deaths from preventable illnesses
 * 11) We're paying for this new travel ban by cutting coastal and air security. I'm sure this makes sense to someone, but that someone shouldn't be anywhere near the reins of power
 * 12) Trump's grandfather once wrote a letter groveling and begging not to be deported
 * 13) Illegal border crossings decrease by 40% in February as Mexico learns what it's like to share a border with a third-world hellhole

Campaign Contact(s) with Russians

 * 1) How Russia weaponizes fake news. And no, it doesn't involve dropping Steve Bannon on you from a MiG-29
 * 2) Hey, here's a question: Why has a Russian oligarch known as "The Fertilizer King" been following Trump around the country? Is it for the steady supply of cheap and plentiful bullshiat? Or is it something more sinister...?
 * 3) Trump claims that he has never met a man who paid him $95 million. Which I totally understand, I've never met a man who'd pay me $95 million either
 * 4) Sessions: I never met with the Russians. Okay, I met with the Russian ambassador twice. Did I say twice? Sorry, I meant three times. My bad
 * 5) Nothing to see here -- just Trump associates directly communicating with Russian hackers mere weeks before the DNC was hacked
 * 6) Rep. Maxine Waters: "We know" Trump sex blackmail is "absolutely true." Which is such a coincidence because Max Waters was the name of one of his Russian prostitutes
 * 7) AG Sessions: "Khorosho, ya sdelayu vse, chto vozmozhno, chtoby vosstanovit' nezavisimost' i professionalizm Ministerstva yustitsii"
 * 8) Trump Campaign Knew
 * 9) Paul Manafort's protégé? Russian collaborator
 * 10) White House finally responds to growing questions about Wikileaks CIA dump, Trump's wiretap accusation and connections to Russia...by canceling all press events
 * 11) White House spokesperson: Trump doesn't know a damn thing
 * 12) The master of understatement Shepard Smith finally snaps on the latest Michael Flynn collusion revelations, barks "There's been a lot of lying." It's just some light treason, right?
 * 13) FBI continues investigating the "odd" cyber link between a Russian bank and Trump's corporate holdings
 * 14) All of Trump's ties to Russia laid out in one easy char- Really? Seven? We need THAT Many? OK, fine: All of Trump's ties to Russia laid out in SEVEN, actually fairly complicated charts
 * 15) They've placed enough sonar buoys so that a man could walk from Scotland to Iceland to Greenland without getting his feet wet
 * 16) John McCain predicts there are "more shoes to drop" over Russiaghazi
 * 17) Top level Publican fixer, Roger Stone, only had "banal" chats with Guccifer 2.0, the Russian hacker elite. They discussed the weather and Knicks prospects. Yeah, and Subby is just using the giggity tag because there is no Patriot tag
 * 18) All power to deflector shields
 * 19) Spicer will finally reveal the wiretapping evidence against Obama- or implode. (Live at 1ish EST)
 * 20) FTFA: In what can be described as journalistic malpractice and a gross dereliction of duty, the alt-left radical propaganda press continues to insist there is some nefarious connection between President Trump and Moscow. Evidence? They don't need any

Russian Economic Sanctions
for all threads related to the economic sanctions against Russia, please click here


 * 1) Well that didn't take long, Trump administration goes from defending Sessions as a victim of a partisan witch hunt to "hey, we didn't know he met with Russians until we turned on the TV this morning". Oh, Beauregard, we hardly knew ye
 * 2) Trump campaign: We had nothing to do with altering the RNC platform to effectively cede Ukraine to Russia. Reality: The platform was altered by a campaign staffer on orders from Trump himself
 * 3) Trump surrogates peek out into the light, admit that maybe they talked to some Russians once for 5 minutes about nothing in particular and it's nothing to worry about and they're sorry they forgot to mention it
 * 4) After every Trump revelation, the following 13 step formula is followed, rinsed and repeated
 * 5) "Follow the money." This is not a repeat from Watergate, Iran-Contra, Whitewater, nor the pickup line Drew told the hooker last week
 * 6) By acting like a paranoid crybaby, Donald Trump has inadvertently destroyed the narrative that Russia hacked our presidential election

Russian Hackers

 * 1) Not only is the source of Trump being tapped being hacked, but now maybe she's being tapped or attacked for revealing that Russians hackers planted false Hillary mail on Weiner's laptop.Or something. It's not all that clear what's going on. Go figure
 * 2) Wikileaks is publishing all of Donald's secrets. Wait, it's only 1000s of CIA documents? That's not the same thing? But he's the President. Damn you Obama
 * 3) So the CIA stole Russian hacking software to make it look like the Russians were hacking people when it was really the CIA. So was the CIA the real DNC email hacker?
 * 4) There's only one common theme in the WikiLeaks and Snowden scandal: Russia always stands to gain
 * 5) Sen. Murphy says what many of us are thinking, Wikileaks timing for releasing this info on the CIA is suspiciously timed, almost as if they were trying to deflect attention from something else, but what could that be?
 * 6) Apparently Republicans have become Russia's b*tches
 * 7) But all of that aside, 'satanic child murdering cabal' sounds like an awesome name for a punk rock band
 * 8) Russian spies offer to help tech companies overcome American spies
 * 9) President Trump: brought to you by the same people who unleashed knock-off fart apps on the world

Russian interference in 2016 U.S. election

 * 1) The fact that the Top Republican on the House Intelligence Committee which has been charged with looking into Russia's interference in the election was also a member of Trump's transition team should in no way cast doubt on the panel's work

ACA

 * 1) Thanks to Trump's war against immigrants and Obamacare, a lot of poor white trash in red states are going to die horrible, painful deaths from preventable illnesses
 * 2) Trump approves of RINObamacare 2.0, setting the stage for a Derpstitutional Crisis
 * 3) This timeline of how Trumpcare went from fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies to putrid shiatbiscuits in just 24 hours is a perfect example of how the Trump administration is running like a well-oiled Charlie Sheen
 * 4) Nothing like a sitting president threatening a bloodbath if his health care bill doesn't pass
 * 5) It looks like the most effective way to save Obamacare is simply to label whatever awful "replacement" the GOP comes up with as "Trumpcare" and sit back and let the Narcissist-in Chief do all the heavy lifting to kill it
 * 6) Is Obamacare really failing?
 * 7) Rand Paul introduces simple bill to full repeal Obamacare titled "Popcorn Dot Gif Act of 2017"
 * 8) Much like the average Farker trying to give up drinking, Republicans are finding it hard to give up obstructionism after their 8 year long addiction


 * 1) The bar has now been set for "stupidest thing said during the Obamacare repeal debate". " Rep Jason Smith (Slow-MO) decrying Obamacare's tax on tanning beds, If Democrats are concerned about dskin cancer "Why haven't they put a tax on the sun instead?"
 * 2) Congressman Burgess (Я-TX) is willing to lose job by causing Americans to lose health insurance
 * 3) WTF in Chief Donald Trump warns republicans that by repealing Obamacare they are "putting themselves in a very bad position"

TrumpCare

 * 1) World's Greatest Healthcare Plan of 2017. No, really, that`s what it's actually called
 * 2) President Trump: Our wonderful new Healthcare Bill is now out for review and negotiation. Kellyanne Conway: TrumpCare? Oh, hell to the no
 * 3) Please call the atrocious Republican healthcare plan "Trumpcare". Because the White House doesn't want you to call it that
 * 4) The big Trumpcare question: "Can I keep my doctor?" HA HA HA HA HA. NO
 * 5) The Uber-conservative National Review "If you want to see political malpractice in action, you don't have to read Donald Trump's latest tweet - just look at the mess Republicans have made of replacing Obamacare"
 * 6) Trump tries, fails to be Presidential. This is not a repeat from every hour of every day for the past 47 days
 * 7) President Trump (R) in January:"There will be health insurance for everybody. Much less expensive than Obamacare and much better." White House Budget Director Mulvaney (R) in March:"Insurance for ordinary people is not really the end goal"
 * 8) Breitbart, Steve Bannon's own personal public relations arm, thinks the GOP's ACA replacement is terrible
 * 9) Everyone can relax now, the GOP is not replacing Obamacare completely, just the parts that actually work
 * 10) GOP ObamaCare replacement at least has a critical tax break for corporate executives struggling to pay their bribes to lobbyists
 * 11) When Republicans are unable to come together and get their own healthcare reform passed, Trump has a simple solution lined up: Blame the Democrats
 * 12) Fox News slams GOP health care reform plan. Yes, THAT Fox News
 * 13) For some reason Paul Ryan is acting like your boring poli sci teacher explaining obamacare repeal
 * 14) "Tehran Tom" Cotton wants a do-over on Trumpcare
 * 15) Man: "I've yet to read anything positive about this healthcare bill". Woman: "Try going 2 a conservative source and open up your reading habits". Man: "I'm the editor of National Review Online"
 * 16) Hey, wait a second. Why AREN'T the insurance companies screaming bloody murder about the potential destruction of the individual insurance market?
 * 17) Brookings Institute:"At least 15 million will lose their coverage under the American Health Care Act." Congressional Republicans:"We don't like your negative analysis so we'll make our own. With some spreadsheets or whatever"
 * 18) Paul Ryan; "Trump will never win a beauty contest." Wait, what? Oh, Trumpcare will never win a beauty contest. Coulda went either way
 * 19) Sarah Palin (yeah, her) actually manages to veer close to a couple of salient points before the wheels inevitably fly off
 * 20) Even the American Medical Association is calling the GOP out on their bullsh*t
 * 21) Trump voters to be hardest hit by Trump's health care plan. Clinton voters still set to suffer debilitating cases of schadenfreude
 * 22) Even Breitbart thinks that Tom Price's comments that "everyone will be covered" under Trumpscare was the lie of the year
 * 23) John Oliver really, really hates Trumpcare and everything the GOP is trying to do with the ACA, so he is again trying to reach Trump by purchasing airtime on Fox & Friends and airing another commercial targeting the DC audience
 * 24) CBO will release their score for Trumpcare at 4 PM, to be followed by Presidential toilet rant on twitter at 5 AM
 * 25) CBO estimates 14 million people losing health insurance if American Health Act is passed
 * 26) CBO projects iPhone sales to drop by 14M in 2018, accelerate to over 24 million by 2026
 * 27) NBC Reporter: "Can we trust that what the President says is real?" Bullshiat Spice: "If he's not joking, of course"
 * 28) Newt licks himself some Trump butt. Mmm, that's good Trump butt
 * 29) Trump White House on CBO report on Trumpcare: unbelievable, fake news. Our own analysis shows that by 2026 twice as many Americans will lose health insurance as the CBO report. So there
 * 30) If you hated Obamacare because your premiums went up too much, just wait until you try the new and improved 750% hike in Trumpcare
 * 31) Breitbart begins sharpening some very long knives
 * 32) Microwave catches Paul Ryan throwing Trump under the bus
 * 33) Trump voter logic: "It pisses me off, but my wife pisses me off too"
 * 34) As their Obamacare replacement cuts off funds for Planned Parenthood, Republicans want to reassure women that other clinics will step up to provide their low-cost breast exams, contraception and cancer screenings. Let's see how that worked in TX

Physical Health
For threads concerning mental health, please click here
 * 1) CEO of Campari wants to see what would happen if we got President Trump mind-bendingly drunk: "I think a Negroni would do him very good." Thus began WWIII
 * 2) Remember back when Republicans were concerned about the president taking too many vacations? Good times, those were....GOOOOD times

The Lord is My Shepherd

 * 1) God is shielding Trump from witchcraft and sorcery. basically Jeff Sessions is now reactor shielding. so he's got that going for him. which is nice

Judge Not Lest Ye Be Judged

 * 1) Prominent evangelical pastor with an actual moral compass is opposed to Trump and the preachers who worship him, so naturally he's about to get kicked out of his leadership postion

Muslin Usurper

 * 1) Obama's old friend Eric Holder says that no, Obama is not organizing the opposition to Trump...but if Trump keeps this up, Obama might be, very soon
 * 2) Valerie Jarrett has moved in with the Obamas. So that's how it is in their family
 * 3) Barack Obama's politically active post-presidency isn't normal, or good
 * 4) 122 "vicious" Gitmo detainees released by Obama have gone back to terrorism, tweets the Trump. Give or take 113 who were released by George W. Bush
 * 5) Obama is "engaging with domestic terrorists" to take down Trump. Wait, domestic terrorists typically support Trump
 * 6) Something is straining the relationship between President Trump and President Obama. They used to be BFFs; I'm not sure what happened
 * 7) New York Times wants you to forget one of their narratives. Forget, forget, deep breath now, forget. Please standby to naively accept the next installment
 * 8) GOP Congressman claims Obama stayed in DC to run "shadow" govt. We get it, he's black
 * 9) Obama books to be published worldwide. First title, "The Last Sane President", is due out in June
 * 10) SHOCKING CONFESSION: In his own words, Obama admits to wiretapping Trump

We Get It He's Black

 * 1) GOP Congressman claims Obama stayed in DC to run "shadow" govt. We get it, he's black

Ninja Obama Staffers

 * 1) In their final days, Obama aides spread intelligence on Trump associates and Russia across agencies as a trail for investigators
 * 2) The latest conspiracy theory from fringe alt-right radio shock jocks? Obama holdovers in government are "committing treason" against Trump to cover up their crimes

Threatening future home of Obama Presidential Library

 * 1) Trumps plans on slashing the EPA budget for Great Lakes pollution cleanup by 97% because who needs to keep largest supply of liquid fresh water on the planet clean

The Economy

 * 1) Trump attempts to deflect the latest revelation involving one of his staffers coordinating with Russia by going on Twitter and making fake claims about the economy

"Budget"

 * 1) Beyond outright incompetence - Donald Trump has a plan? CNN thinks so. Maybe it is stored right next to his Healthcare plan, China plan, and Defeat ISIS plan
 * 2) Ol' Jeff Sessions gonna find it tougher than wrestlin' a greased polecat to keep all his high falutin' promises about fighting crime if Mars Trump continues being stingier than a Baptist preacher in a liquor store wit dat Justice Dept budget money

Inflation

 * 1) Political control over the Fed is inevitable. Which means the inflationary spiral that the Fed was put in place to prevent is also inevitable

The Dow

 * 1) The Great Trump Recovery from the Obama Recession has officially begun

Trade

 * 1) Pay no attention to the trade surplus the U.S. had with China in February

National Debt

 * 1) Oh, look, Steven Mnuchin just wrote the letter begging Congress to raise the debt ceiling so America doesn't default. Let's see if Republicans are still as opposed to it as they were when Obama was president

"Cost cutting" measures

 * 1) After 139 years, Trump may cancel the annual White House Easter Egg Roll, despite the Easter Bunny being white
 * 2) Trumps plans on slashing the EPA budget for Great Lakes pollution cleanup by 97% because who needs to keep largest supply of liquid fresh water on the planet clean
 * 3) NOAA to be gutted under Trump. Because who needs accurate weather forecasts, hurricane warnings, and current information on lightning strikes

Fiddling with Regulations

 * 1) If your idea of fun is using your $1,000,000 annual bonus to go on a field trip where you get to shoot wadded up private customer data rounds at cutouts of bums while dumping toxic waste into a river, you're loving the Trump administration about now
 * 2) Good news, Republicans have found a way to cure you of your crippling internet porn addiction
 * 3) Trump's EPA looking to kill the law that led to unleaded gasoline and catalytic converters
 * 4) EPA head: Meh, what's a little chemical spill between friends?
 * 5) The "Hearing Protection Act" is a GOP-introduced bill to a) update laws for maximal headphone volume output, b) make measurement of sound levels at live concerts mandatory, c) reduce restrictions on gun silencers

Infrastructure

 * 1) Odd, just eight years ago a president asking for a lot of money for infrastructure projects was grounds for conservative riots, death threats, and impeachment talks
 * 2) Trump: "We're going to re-build America with American steel." *offer not valid in United States, check local listings for details
 * 3) Why did Trump reverse his mandate to use U.S. steel in the Keystone XL pipeline? Nobody knows, but a Russian oligarch with close ties to Putin stands to make a bunch of money from it. Fancy that

Stupidity

 * 1) As if "alternative facts" weren't bad enough, "alternative intelligence" will lead us straight to war. Again
 * 2) Trump, Devos, Rick Scott visiting Orlando Catholic school to: A) push school choice; B) start drive to end free public schools; or C) perform Three Stooges short
 * 3) Trumps plans on slashing the EPA budget for Great Lakes pollution cleanup by 97% because who needs to keep largest supply of liquid fresh water on the planet clean
 * 4) Trump's entire staff has no clue where he came up with the wiretapping allegations
 * 5) Here is a summary of TappGate, for those of you struggling to keep up with all the tapps at home
 * 6) We're only 46 days in a perpetual state of crisis and the Trump administration has yet to deal with a major foreign policy challenge
 * 7) 8 tricks for defending Trump on the left. More tricks on the right
 * 8) A minute-by-minute breakdown of two hours of this morning's "Fox & Friends" and President Trump's tweets that soon followed and referenced each story almost verbatim
 * 9) Apparently Republicans have become Russia's b*tches
 * 10) Trump hasn't even bothered to ask his FBI director to verify his Obama wiretap claims. Smartest president ever, don'cha know, just bigly yuuugely smart I'm telling yaz
 * 11) Privacy, what is it good for? Absolutely nothing. GOP wants to do away with FCC's entire privacy rulemaking to allow ISPs to sell your entire browsing history to advertisers or other third parties without your consent
 * 12) There are indications that Jeff Sessions did not know his own attorneys were about to be fired
 * 13) Refined Gentleman that he is, President Trump lets it be known via the Twitter machine that he is distempered, nay, downright appalled, at the rudeness and lack of civility the uncouth media is displaying towards his designated liars
 * 14) Trump unfollows his Morning Joe besties who helped get him elected. Sad
 * 15) The fact that the Top Republican on the House Intelligence Committee which has been charged with looking into Russia's interference in the election was also a member of Trump's transition team should in no way cast doubt on the panel's work
 * 16) Trump's travel ban preventing certain groups from coming into US. Do those groupds groups include A: Al Queda? B: ISIS? or C: The Canadian version of the Girl Scouts?
 * 17) Trump signs executive order asking every department "just what do they do around here?"

Neo-Nazis

 * 1) Are you ready to hear the V.O.I.C.E. of America?
 * 2) Why Trump's VOICE program is drawing comparisons to Nazis. TL;DR: It's literally a Nazi policy
 * 3) Trump refers to HBCU Presidents as 'you people', but they're kind of ok with it as they expected him to say something worse
 * 4) Blaming the Klan on modern Democrats is like blaming the Unabomber on the Montana Territory, which I do so nyeh
 * 5) ICE is now arresting any illegal immigrant who speaks in public as part of a "targeted immigration enforcement action"
 * 6) A closer look at the disgraceful media response to Trump's "Presidential" racism
 * 7) I'm a Jewish American who worked with Steve Bannon. He is not a racist or an anti-Semite
 * 8) GOP congressman says holding town halls is like being yelled at in a ritual "that the Orientals used to do"
 * 9) Breitbart: Yo WaPo, while Trump's proposal to publish a list of immigrant crimes and their victims does have Nazi overtones, the big difference is that Hitler did it against loyal, legal, law abiding German Jews, not illegal criminals. So, checkmate
 * 10) Trump, Devos, Rick Scott visiting Orlando Catholic school to: A) push school choice; B) start drive to end free public schools; or C) perform Three Stooges short
 * 11) Thousands of ICE detainees claim they were forced into labor. "The US is running labor camps"
 * 12) Donald Trump: "ZOMG all these people are doing McCarthyism at me, this is evil". President Bannon: "McCarthy was a genius whose only fault was not going far enough"
 * 13) Guys, it's not a Muslim ban. We know this because Trump told us. Please don't look at his own website telling us how he wants "a total and complete shutdown of Muslims entering the United States"
 * 14) Steve Bannon's favorite book is part "Turner Diaries", part "World War Z", and part "The Tale of Scrotie McBoogerballs"
 * 15) Old people back racist party. This is not a repeat of the last 203,324 this has happened
 * 16) Ben Carson: Slaves were immigrants who dreamed of a better life
 * 17) There weren't any MFing immigrants on the MFing slave ships
 * 18) Guess who else called slaves immigrants... Oh how the outrage was
 * 19) Something is straining the relationship between President Trump and President Obama. They used to be BFFs; I'm not sure what happened
 * 20) House okays using taxpayer money for Islamic schools
 * 21) Trump supporters protest... Anti-Nazi Resistance Radio commercial for "The Man in the High Castle". Yes, Really
 * 22) Meh, we didn't need those Afghans who helped U.S. forces despite risk to life and limb anyways
 * 23) Steve King thinks he would look real snazzy in a Nazi uniform
 * 24) The Left's version of O'keefe is low energy, didn't even dress up for this, sad
 * 25) Republicans tell Steve King that he's being a little too obvious with the dog megaphone

Child Care

 * 1) In shocking news, Trump's child care proposal will mainly help those making six figures and more

Privacy Protections

 * 1) Trump administration wants to strip privacy protections from non-U.S. citizens that have been in place for decades
 * 2) Privacy, what is it good for? Absolutely nothing. GOP wants to do away with FCC's entire privacy rulemaking to allow ISPs to sell your entire browsing history to advertisers or other third parties without your consent
 * 3) Good news, Republicans have found a way to cure you of your crippling internet porn addiction
 * 4) Comey: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Privacy? What the hell is that?

Keystone XL Pipeline

 * 1) Tillerson backs out of Keystone Pipeline review, eliminating one of his conflicts of interest, leaving him with only 1,395,025

Devil's Weed

 * 1) Trump policy on recreational weed seen as major buzzkill, logistical nightmare

Trump Tower Tapp

 * 1) "You know, Mr. President, the Russia stuff is heating up pretty badly. We need something to distract the media. How about...um...I dunno...maybe Obama tapped your phones? Think anyone would believe that?"
 * 2) Trump's entire staff has no clue where he came up with the wiretapping allegations
 * 3) White House attorneys scramble to come up with evidence to back Trump's 'wiretap' claims
 * 4) Here is a summary of TappGate, for those of you struggling to keep up with all the tapps at home
 * 5) Trump doubles down. In other news, popcorn stocks set to open at record highs
 * 6) FBI Director Comey asks Justice Department to publicly call BS on Trump's wiretapping claim
 * 7) It's Monday, so you know what that means: Trump's own agencies have told him that he's wrong about his weekend conspiracy rant, but he doesn't care and still believes his own derp
 * 8) "Although the law provides a great deal of leeway for political speech, that protection is not all encompassing. And because of the way Trump has leveled unsubstantiated accusations at Obama, he may have libeled his predecessor"
 * 9) President Trump has decided to use the power of his office to expose the potential duplicity and unscrupulous behavior of the Obama Administration in the wiretapping of his campaign
 * 10) Donald Trump: "ZOMG all these people are doing McCarthyism at me, this is evil". President Bannon: "McCarthy was a genius whose only fault was not going far enough"
 * 11) Even Sen. "Tehran Tom" Cotton isn't willing to hop aboard Trump's latest crazy Train
 * 12) Trump's new strategy is to make up a conspiracy to deflect from the seriousness of the Russia ties. Yeah, we've been over this, CNN; you're late to the party
 * 13) Harvard grad and Constitutional lawyer who clerked for the Supreme Court on Trump's wiretap tweets: "Yeah, he pretty much stepped on his own dick big league, and should be shiatcanned." Well, he said it a little more eloquently, but you get the idea
 * 14) FBI Director Comey doesn't want to stay under the bus OR fall on his sword for Trump
 * 15) May we present: Trump's proof of the wire tapp. And you know he'd tapp that
 * 16) Not only is the source of Trump being tapped being hacked, but now maybe she's being tapped or attacked for revealing that Russians hackers planted false Hillary mail on Weiner's laptop.Or something. It's not all that clear what's going on. Go figure
 * 17) Mr. President, about those wiretapp allegations? Yeah....well we're sorry sir, but this time you're on your own
 * 18) Trump hasn't even bothered to ask his FBI director to verify his Obama wiretap claims. Smartest president ever, don'cha know, just bigly yuuugely smart I'm telling yaz
 * 19) White House claims that Trump's allegations that Obama tapped his phones is evidence of wrongdoing even if it turns out to be false
 * 20) House judiciary Republicans ask for FBI briefing on Trump's wiretapping claims, moon landing from 1969, and whereabouts of the Tooth Fairy
 * 21) Reporter: "Mr. Pence, do you believe Trump's claim about Obama wiretapping him, yes or no?" VP Pence: "EVASIVE MANEUVERS, EVASIVE MANEUVERS. ALL POWER TO PORT THRUSTERS AND TRANSFER ALL POWER TO DEFLECTOR SHIELDS"
 * 22) White House finally responds to growing questions about Wikileaks CIA dump, Trump's wiretap accusation and connections to Russia...by canceling all press events
 * 23) House Intelligence Committee requests that Trump FW:FW:FW:FW:FW: over his evidence of wiretapping by Monday
 * 24) House Intelligence Committee set today as the deadline for Trump to provide evidence he was the victim of an Obama "wiretapp." Will Trump follow through? What will happen if he fails to provide the evidence? Either way, things will get crazy today
 * 25) Spicer will finally reveal the wiretapping evidence against Obama- or implode. (Live at 1ish EST)
 * 26) Trump 'doesn't really think' Obama personally tapped his phone. Last five words completely unnecessary
 * 27) Welcome to Politics 2017 - The Year of the Walk Back
 * 28) Human-pug hybrid Kellyanne Conway pulls another alternative fact out of her rectum, says the Trump campaign was monitored in other ways
 * 29) Small appliance expert Kellyanne Conway says she's not sure what was used to spy on Trump campaign, because she's "not inspector Gadget." Yes, that was a quote
 * 30) SHOCKING CONFESSION: In his own words, Obama admits to wiretapping Trump
 * 31) FTFA: In what can be described as journalistic malpractice and a gross dereliction of duty, the alt-left radical propaganda press continues to insist there is some nefarious connection between President Trump and Moscow. Evidence? They don't need any
 * 32) Obviously, the reason no one can find any evidence that Obama ordered Trump wiretapped is because he asked James Bond to do it
 * 33) "Morning Joe" host Mika Brzezinski looks into camera and says directly to Trump: "It's a very serious allegation. And it questions everything that you're about. And it questions whether we can ever believe you, and whether Americans can believe you"

Planned Parenthood

 * 1) Planned Parenthood aborts Trump's offer to fund them if they stop providing their least-used service that isn't even covered by government funding

Release more Clinton emails

 * 1) Donald Trump just became Hillary Clinton's email ally

Abolish Taxes

 * 1) Clammy porcelain Republican kingmaker Matt Drudge says he now wants his vote back because Republicans haven't abolished the concept of taxes yet

Job Creator

 * 1) Midwesterners made Trump the President, now they want him to invent a new reality where automation never happened so they can have a $14/hr job soldering the same wire onto the same contact 3,000 times a day. You know, the American Dream™
 * 2) Trump: "We're going to re-build America with American steel." *offer not valid in United States, check local listings for details
 * 3) Trump recession begins as jobless claims surge by 20,000
 * 4) Candidate Trump: Jobs report is a lie, fails to account for huge number of unemployed. Sad. President Trump: Would you look at that Jobs report? Shows America is once again Great Again
 * 5) Trump on job reports before election: They're totally phony. Trump on job report today: " [it may have been phony in the past, but it's very real now." And yes, that's a real quote]
 * 6) Trump administration makes up an accusation against Obama with zero proof offered. Shockingly, this is not a repeat of the last 20,343 times this has happened
 * 7) Today we learn how the revolving door between the government and Amazon.com use your tax dollars, make Bezos a happy guy

Nobel Peace Prize

 * 1) President Trump nominated for Nobel Peace Prize. He's only been in office a month so the odds are against him, like our president has ever been daunted by the odds