Drumpfster Fire

A compilation of Fark threads related to the dumpster fire that is the administration of the 45th President of the United States of America.

=Head Toupee=

Top 25 Nicknames
''This section will provide the many nicknames this asshole has earned, with credit when known. They are in approximate order of appearance on the internet.

For the full, categorized list, please visit this page''


 * 1) short-fingered vulgarian (Spy magazine's Graydon Carter and Kurt Andersen)
 * 2) tiny fingered, Cheeto-faced, ferret wearing shitgibbon (@MetalOllie via Twitter)
 * 3) Flim Flam Führer
 * 4) Deadbeat Donnie
 * 5) President Joffrey
 * 6) Cheeto Supreme
 * 7) fecal fingered Caligula
 * 8) Orange Mugabe
 * 9) Marmalade Mussulini
 * 10) Dynamite Shitgibbon
 * 11) Boss Tweet
 * 12) Trumplethinskin
 * 13) Kim Jong Trump
 * 14) President Asterisk
 * 15) President Daddy
 * 16) Prince Trumperdink (Carey Elwes)
 * 17) President Breaking Wind (Sir Ian McKellen via Twitter)
 * 18) ORALLY INCONTINENT PEDDLER OF FLYBLOWN MONKEY BOLLOCKS
 * 19) hairsprayed huckster
 * 20) Cheeto Guevera
 * 21) our national disgrace
 * 22) President Cheetolicious
 * 23) Super Callous Fragile Racist Sexist Nazi POTUS
 * 24) Tangerine gabshite walloper Lorna Wallace, of Kilmarnock in Scotland
 * 25) Gramma Killer

Executive Meaningless Displays of Power or Just Plain Evil or Stupid Shit
For the full mess, please visit the archive
 * February, 2017
 * For General Fuckery, check below

Executive Orders

 * 1) How to revoke an executive order. Difficulty: Success rate rare if not impossible
 * 2) Draft of Trump's "Religious Freedom" order protects "any act or refusal to act that is motivated by a sincerely held religious belief, whether or not the act is required or compelled by, or central to, a system of religious belief." -ANY- -ACT-

Meglomania, Jingoism

 * 1) Trump takes the opportunity of his Black History Month speech to sooth racial tensions in the US. Just kidding he spends the most of the speech complaining about CNN
 * 2) Turns out that convoy that drove through Louisville flying a Trump flag on Sunday belonged to a Navy Special Warfare unit. No, that's not ominous at all
 * 3) Day 12: Trump stops an infant from getting life-saving open heart surgery
 * 4) Trump wants to pull UC Berkeley's funding because they successfully stopped hate speech
 * 5) Trump calls on National Prayer Breakfast attendees to pray for Arnold Schwarzenegger's Apprentice ratings
 * 6) Arnold Schwarzenegger responds to Trump: How about we switch jobs? Then people can sleep comfortably again
 * 7) "When you hear about the tough phone calls I'm having, don't worry about it," Trump said. "Just don't worry about it." Checkmate, libs
 * 8) There's a secret code word for when Donald Trump is having sex in the White House
 * 9) "I'm going to lie to your face, then lie some more, then cover that with a lie but I'm for realsies telling the truth"
 * 10) Trump salutes Black History Month by being stupid and worrying about the name, changes it to African American History Month. His comedic take on political correctness. Don't quit your day job
 * 11) Meanwhile in the Texas education system

Generalissimo Know-It-All

 * 1) Donald Trump knows so much more than the generals, he ordered Navy Seals to attack a fortified terrorist outpost without sufficient intel, no ground support, and no contingency plans

Inaugural

 * 1) Crowd size, or lack thereof
 * 2) Protesters
 * 3) Cake

Fiddling with foreign relations

 * 1) The EU president now considers the US, together with radical Islam, China, and Russia to be a major threat
 * 2) While speaking to the Mexican President, Trump proposes sending US troops to Mexico to take care of "Bad Hombres"
 * 3) President Trump threatens decades-old alliance with Australia by going apeshiat on what was supposed to be a pleasant phone call, because of a pre-existing agreement to take in 1,250 refugees
 * 4) Spokesman for Peña Nieto says its a "downright lie" Trump threatened to send U.S. soldiers into Mexico during a phone call with the Mexican President
 * 5) Iran responds to Trump in a way that's sure to provoke a nuclear holocaust: "LOL, check out this clown"
 * 6) "Who's next, Switzerland?" The internet cannot fathom how Trump started an attack on Australia. Never mess with criminal descendants
 * 7) "When you hear about the tough phone calls I'm having, don't worry about it," Trump said. "Just don't worry about it." Checkmate, libs
 * 8) North Korea: U.S. to suffer "catastrophic outcome" in March
 * 9) Well it's now inevitable that the US will soon go to war with China ...at least according to chief Trump strategist Steve Bannon
 * 10) Is Ukraine trying to sabotage the detente between Russia and Trump? Maybe
 * 11) Ukraine, who may not have been following US poltical developments as closely as they should have in the last few months, desperately appeals to the US for help in staving off renewed Russian aggression against their country
 * 12) Trump wants to negotiate for an extra "F" in NAFTA. Extra U, I, and A to follow
 * 13) A prominent Russian opposition activist has been hospitalized with sudden organ failure, two years after he almost died of suspected poisoning. Nothing to see here, move along comrade
 * 14) Germany erects wall around America and the tourists love it

Muslim ban

 * 1) Day 11: Trump kills a grandma
 * 2) Day 11: Trump didn't actually kill anyone's Grandma
 * 3) CNN producer detained at Atlanta airport will challenge Trump travel ban under two federal laws
 * 4) Echo chamber of idiocy Tomi Lahren goes on rant about the importance of Trump's Muslim ban, winds up explaining why the refugees are fleeing their home countries in the first place
 * 5) White House says Mosque shooting further evidence the Muslim ban is a great idea because it would have prevented it (it wouldn't) by stopping foreigners (the shooter's a Trump supporter from Canada) from shooting Christians (the victims were Muslims)
 * 6) First Not-A-Muslim Ban poll finds an overwhelming majority Americans hate the Trump order. Just kidding, it's big league popular
 * 7) Bannon and Trump start a war on breastfeeding
 * 8) A complete rundown of all the lawsuits filed against Trump for his Muslim ban
 * 9) Jenna Bush uses her father's words to rebuke Trump on his immigration ban
 * 10) Comcast protests Trump immigration order, holds rally between the hours of 2-4 pm
 * 11) KellyAnne Conway cites the infamous Bowling Green Massacre in defense of Trump's Muslim ban. And really, who could ever forget that tragic event?

Global Gag Rule

 * 1) NRO: "80% of Americans support the Mexico City Policy." Which is odd considering only about 10% of Americans know WTF that is

Voting Laws

 * 1) Trump owned golf course shanks it into the rough, gets hit with a $6M stroke penalty by a federal judge

The Bigly Wall of Trump, The Best, Believe Me

 * 1) DHS Secretary says border wall should be finished in two years. Stop laughing, he's serious. Really

Secret and Alternative Plans to Defeat Islamic State

 * 1) Trump's counter-terrorism efforts will focus exclusively on Islam, so that's good news for all the white supremacist Christian terrorists who want to attack mosques, minority churches, and anything else in the name of the alt-right

"Health"

 * 1) Trump's longtime "doctor" says that he takes a dead prairie dog growth drug

Finding Jesus

 * 1) Trump could use his speech at the National Prayer Breakfast to attempt some reconciliation with political opponents
 * 2) Coming soon to a church near you: Taxpayer subsidized political campaigning
 * 3) Trump says he'll destroy the separation between church and state. Plans on wiping his arse with the rest of the constitution later this week
 * 4) Draft of Trump's "Religious Freedom" order protects "any act or refusal to act that is motivated by a sincerely held religious belief, whether or not the act is required or compelled by, or central to, a system of religious belief." -ANY- -ACT-

Russian Economic Sanctions

 * 1) Treasury Department eases economic sanctions against Russia
 * 2) "I'm going to lie to your face, then lie some more, then cover that with a lie but I'm for realsies telling the truth"
 * 3) White House says Russian sanctions being lifted is not really happening. Nothing to see here. Please move along

Notable Silence(s)

 * 1) Donald Trump often tweets about terror and violence, but said nothing about an attack in Quebec City. It's almost as if it didn't fit the narrative he has been trying to push or something

Stupidity

 * 1) Judging by this statement: "Abolitionist leader Frederick Douglass 'an example of somebody who's done an amazing job that is being recognized more and more, I notice'", Trump clearly doesn't know who Fred Douglass is
 * 2) Frederick Douglass may have been a civil rights pioneer but his descendants are clearly our nation's greatest practitioners of the passive-aggressive sick burn

Executive grifting
For the full mess, please visit the archive
 * 1) Memo to Democrats: Trump has already raised $16 million toward re-election
 * 2) Millions in Trump campaign funds went to Trump firms

Taxes Returns
For the full mess, please visit the archive

Leaks
For the full mess, please visit the archive

Possible Russian Interference Of 2016 POTUS Election
For the full mess, please visit the archive

Crimes
This section will include all Fark threads related to crimes committed by the Head Toupee For the full mess, please visit the archive

Conflicts of Interest
This section will include all Fark threads related to conflicts of interest this asshole has himself entangled in For the full mess, please visit the archive
 * 1) Foreign policy insider: 'No readout of Trump-Putin call because White House turned off recording'

Lawsuits
This section will include all Fark threads related to lawsuits filed against the Head Toupee For the full mess, please visit the archive
 * 1) Trump owned golf course shanks it into the rough, gets hit with a $6M stroke penalty by a federal judge
 * 2) A complete rundown of all the lawsuits filed against Trump for his Muslim ban

25th Amendment Solution
For the full mess, please visit the archive
 * 1) "Who's next, Switzerland?" The internet cannot fathom how Trump started an attack on Australia. Never mess with criminal descendants
 * 2) "When you hear about the tough phone calls I'm having, don't worry about it," Trump said. "Just don't worry about it." Checkmate, libs
 * 3) Trump has officially gone plaid... Even Fox news reporters are broken down to the point saying "I'm not sure what anything means" in regards to his behavior

The Queen Elizabeth Solution

 * 1) Reports that Queen Elizabeth has legal authority to behead Donald Trump have been found to be false

=Administration= This section will provide the names and eventual scandals/crimes/general instances of incompetence associated with these assholes For the full mess, please visit the archive

General Institutional Fuckery

 * 1) Why the Monday Night Massacre is a terrifying turn of events
 * 2) The Monday Night Massacre was no Sunday Night Massacre, which was an exquisite thing of beauty. But don't worry, Trump still has time to match that

"Advisors" and Other Assorted Appointments
For the full mess, please visit the archive

Vladimir Putin
Russian President
 * 1) Treasury Department eases economic sanctions against Russia
 * 2) Foreign policy insider: 'No readout of Trump-Putin call because White House turned off recording'

Steve Bannon
White House chief strategist and Lumpy James May, Gentleman Fascist
 * 1) Turns out, Steve Bannon is an Un-American piece of shiat. Perfect for sitting in on the National Security Council though
 * 2) Republicans fear alt-right white supremacist Steve Bannon also
 * 3) Twenty years ago, Trump's chief strategist Steve Bannon was running the $200 million Biosphere 2 in Arizona, thus setting the stage for Pauly Shore's greatest moment
 * 4) Well it's now inevitable that the US will soon go to war with China ...at least according to chief Trump strategist Steve Bannon

Mike Pence
"Vice" President
 * 1) After Pence sends out thanks to a white guy for Black History Month #PenceBlackHistory is born

Jared Kushner
Son-in-law
 * 1) Republicans fear alt-right white supremacist Steve Bannon also

Reince Priebus
Chief of Staff

Erik Prince
Secret Advisor

Vladimir Lenin
Leninist Tactics Advisor

Jerry Falwell
higher education reform task force
 * 1) Liberty University President Jerry Falwell Jr. asked to head a White House task force on reforming higher education, because colleges need less regulation and more degrees in Jesusology]

Richard Spencer
Whiteness Advisor
 * 1) White nationalist leader praises President Trump for "de-judification" of the Holocaust...which is quite ironic because "de-judification" is the very definition of the Holocaust

Supreme Court Nominee Neil Gorsuch

 * 1) He's just like us! :) lol
 * 2) No matter what else he may believe, Gorsuch stands up for the rights of 13 year olds to burp in gym class
 * 3) Why Liberals Should Back Neil Gorsuch
 * 4) He is who we thought he was
 * 5) What replacing Scalia with Young Scalia means for the court
 * 6) Will Gorsuch be another Scalia when it comes to criminal law? A look at the many Scalia opinions favoring defendants, except those who got their doors busted in or were driving while black
 * 7) Liberals are whining that Gorsuch is an illegitimate candidate because Trump picked a Scalia clone to replace Scalia rather than a far leftist and make the court solidly left as opposed to balanced
 * 8) Supreme Court Justice nominee Neil Gorsuch was founder and president of 'Fascism Forever Club' at his elite high school
 * 9) Mama Gorsuch
 * 10) Remember that time when the SCOTUS-nominee's mother became the first cabinet official to be charged with contempt of Congress?

Sean Spicer
White House Press Secretary
 * 1) Sean Spicer says Trump's treatment of reporters has been "above and beyond". Meaning just slightly above hostile and just beyond torture
 * 2) Sean Spicer said, Steve Bannon who? when asked about Bannon's recorded caveman Muslim comments
 * 3) Bullshiat Spice clears up Donald Trump's Frederick Douglass comments as only Bullshiat Spice can

Kellyanne Conway
Counselor to the President
 * 1) KellyAnne Conway cites the infamous Bowling Green Massacre in defense of Trump's Muslim ban. And really, who could ever forget that tragic event?
 * 2) Bowling Green fundraiser set up to fleece the rubes

Peter Theil
Advisor to the President
 * 1) Peter Thiel, advisor to President Trump, said in his application for New Zealand citizenship filed in 2011 that New Zealand is "the future", presumably because they wouldn't be stupid enough to elect an insane reality show host to lead them

Fox
Propaganda Ministry
 * 1) Al Sharpton: Let's not forget that Jesus was a refugee escaping persecution from King Herod. Fox News: Republican Jesus was only traveling because he was being forced to pay taxes...Al, do you even Bible, bro? lololol

Michael Flynn
National Security Adviser
 * 1) The plan to bomb Iran just kicked off
 * 2) Man, the Trump administration sure likes walls. First Mexico, now the National Security Council

Reed Corish
assistant to the president for intergovernmental and technology initiatives

John Gore
Attorney General for Civil Rights

Julia Hahn
special assistant to the president

Alex Jones
"journalist"
 * 1) International intelligence expert Alex Jones calls the Quebec mosque terror attack a "false flag, just like Sandy Hook"

Peter Navarro
Director of the National Trade Council

Cabinet
For the full mess, please visit the archive

Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security

 * 1) DHS Secretary says border wall should be finished in two years. Stop laughing, he's serious. Really

Puzder, Labor Nominee

 * 1) Labor Department Employees: "Hey, ya know, maybe the guy we have repeatedly fined and who refers to his own employees as 'the worst of the worst' isn't the best pick for Labor Secretary"