115th Congressional Dumpster Fire


 * The purpose of this page will be to compile Fark threads dealing with the dumpster fire that is the 115th U.S. Congress.

This page is for the month of 

For previous months, please see the archive

=Background= This section will provide background information about the members of the 115th U.S. Congress, or their party affiliation, etc. any information to give a basic overview of the 115th U.S. Congress that does not necessarily need a Fark-related thread.


 * date first called into session: January 3, 2017
 * date Americans can first expect relief: January 3, 2019
 * elections November 6, 2018
 * to read about all the legislative crap they're up to click here, for outstanding individual achievements in assholery, click here, for "investigations" click here and for confirmation hearings click here

Congresscritters and how to contact them

 * all members on Gov Track
 * House members
 * Senators

Current Pending Bills

 * all bills on Gov Track

=Fark Threads on the President's Address to Congress=
 * 1) Colbert completed Trump's 'say it to my face' challenge
 * 2) Here is the real democratic response to Trump's speech
 * 3) With a coherent speech for once, Donald Trump may have just had his Bar Mitzvah moment
 * 4) Apparently not having learned their lesson from the past election, Democrats pick the most underwhelming candidate they could find to deliver the Democratic response to Trump. How underwhelming? Even Rachel Maddow panned him as small and stunty
 * 5) President ME has left the building: Trump references self 60 percent less than Obama in first SOTU address. And remember, this is Donald Trump we are talking about
 * 6) Factchecking of Trump's speech exceeds expectations by 17%
 * 7) Of the three bills and two executive orders President Trumpler signed yesterday, guess which one wasn't given a signing ceremony or photoshoot
 * 8) Trump's first address to congress was watched by three billion people, more than any other American President before him
 * 9) We now know Trump is no ballerina, he didn't have a one-night "pivot" concerning his State of the Union speech, so just stop picturing him in a tutu
 * 10) Fox News was the most-watched cable network for Trump's State of The Confederacy speech
 * 11) "The media's reaction to his speech to Congress was shameful"

=Fark Threads on Legislation= To stare into the abyss that is the previous months of this circus, please click here (Don't say you weren't warned)

Repeal of Medicare

 * 1) Poor people don't want health care and Jesus was against helping the sick for free. Apparently we've been doing it wrong all this time
 * 2) Trumpcare raids Medicare to enrich the wealthy and plant a bomb meant to destroy it forever. America First, indeed

Repeal of ACA

 * 1) Background
 * 2) Is Obamacare really failing?
 * 3) Backlash
 * 4) Repeal
 * 5) Replacement
 * 6) A healthcare plan only republicans can see? We are really taxing that "Emperor has no clothes" parable to the limit
 * 7) "We won't know what's in the healthcare bill until after it's been voted on." Of course. Typical libe-what? Rand Paul? RAND PAUL
 * 8) Another day / another leak / another way / to take a peek / at RyanCare version 10.5
 * 9) Finally, House Republicans have released their plan that will replace Obamacare. No, you don't need to know its cost yet, just enjoy the plan. What's that? Who's covered? I SAID JUST ENJOY THE PLAN
 * 10) "Meh, he's a crazy asshole. What did you expect? Don't look at us, you voted for the guy." - The GOP Leadership
 * 11) Why Democrats will eventually come to love Obamacare Lite
 * 12) No one likes Ryancare because it's either A) too evil or B) not evil enough
 * 13) GOP diligently works to reform healthcare by repealing the extremely problematic 10% sales tax on indoor tanning. Maybe if the Great Cheeto doesn't have to pay such high taxes on tanning beds he will layoff the spray
 * 14) The bar has now been set for "stupidest thing said during the Obamacare repeal debate". " Rep Jason Smith (Slow-MO) decrying Obamacare's tax on tanning beds, If Democrats are concerned about dskin cancer "Why haven't they put a tax on the sun instead?"
 * 15) This timeline of how Trumpcare went from fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies to putrid shiatbiscuits in just 24 hours is a perfect example of how the Trump administration is running like a well-oiled Charlie Sheen
 * 16) "You can't wait one week to see what it would cost?" an exasperated Shepard Smith lambastes Republican Congressman Buddy Carter for trying to push through an ill-informed ACA repeal
 * 17) Columnist Charles "C-Unit" Krauthammer says the GOP healthcare bill is Obamacare Lite. Bonus: Says the GOP should pass it anyway. Double Bonus: Because this is all FDR, Eisenhower, and Obama's fault
 * 18) It looks like the most effective way to save Obamacare is simply to label whatever awful "replacement" the GOP comes up with as "Trumpcare" and sit back and let the Narcissist-in Chief do all the heavy lifting to kill it
 * 19) Rand Paul introduces simple bill to full repeal Obamacare titled "Popcorn Dot Gif Act of 2017"
 * 20) Much like the average Farker trying to give up drinking, Republicans are finding it hard to give up obstructionism after their 8 year long addiction
 * 21) Congressman Burgess (Я-TX) is willing to lose job by causing Americans to lose health insurance
 * 22) Could Republican bumbling have resulted in a single-payer health care system? Wait, would that mean Bernie Sanders won after all?
 * 23) WTF in Chief Donald Trump warns republicans that by repealing Obamacare they are "putting themselves in a very bad position"
 * 24) Shepard Smith says it's "stunning" that after years of Republicans being united on fighting Obamacare, they can't agree on a replacement
 * 25) "Repair"
 * 26) Rescinding coal miners health benefits
 * 27) Oh, nothing. It's just that 23000 coal miners and their dependents are about to lose their health insurance. I guess they should've just been born rich
 * 1) Oh, nothing. It's just that 23000 coal miners and their dependents are about to lose their health insurance. I guess they should've just been born rich

TrumpCare
World's Greatest Healthcare Plan of 2017
 * 1) World's Greatest Healthcare Plan of 2017. No, really, that`s what it's actually called
 * 2) President Trump: Our wonderful new Healthcare Bill is now out for review and negotiation. Kellyanne Conway: TrumpCare? Oh, hell to the no
 * 3) Please call the atrocious Republican healthcare plan "Trumpcare". Because the White House doesn't want you to call it that
 * 4) The big Trumpcare question: "Can I keep my doctor?" HA HA HA HA HA. NO
 * 5) The Uber-conservative National Review "If you want to see political malpractice in action, you don't have to read Donald Trump's latest tweet - just look at the mess Republicans have made of replacing Obamacare"
 * 6) Trump tries, fails to be Presidential. This is not a repeat from every hour of every day for the past 47 days
 * 7) President Trump (R) in January:"There will be health insurance for everybody. Much less expensive than Obamacare and much better." White House Budget Director Mulvaney (R) in March:"Insurance for ordinary people is not really the end goal"
 * 8) Breitbart, Steve Bannon's own personal public relations arm, thinks the GOP's ACA replacement is terrible
 * 9) Everyone can relax now, the GOP is not replacing Obamacare completely, just the parts that actually work
 * 10) GOP ObamaCare replacement at least has a critical tax break for corporate executives struggling to pay their bribes to lobbyists
 * 11) Fox News slams GOP health care reform plan. Yes, THAT Fox News
 * 12) For some reason Paul Ryan is acting like your boring poli sci teacher explaining obamacare repeal
 * 13) The first House panel advances the ACA repeal
 * 14) Paul Ryan: The "fatal conceit" of Obamacare is that HEALTHY people with insurance subsidize SICK people's health costs
 * 15) Hey, wait a second. Why AREN'T the insurance companies screaming bloody murder about the potential destruction of the individual insurance market?
 * 16) Brookings Institute:"At least 15 million will lose their coverage under the American Health Care Act." Congressional Republicans:"We don't like your negative analysis so we'll make our own. With some spreadsheets or whatever"
 * 17) Paul Ryan; "Trump will never win a beauty contest." Wait, what? Oh, Trumpcare will never win a beauty contest. Coulda went either way
 * 18) Sarah Palin (yeah, her) actually manages to veer close to a couple of salient points before the wheels inevitably fly off
 * 19) Trump voters to be hardest hit by Trump's health care plan. Clinton voters still set to suffer debilitating cases of schadenfreude
 * 20) Even Breitbart thinks that Tom Price's comments that "everyone will be covered" under Trumpscare was the lie of the year
 * 21) CBO will release their score for Trumpcare at 4 PM, to be followed by Presidential toilet rant on twitter at 5 AM
 * 22) CBO estimates 14 million people losing health insurance if American Health Act is passed
 * 23) CBO projects iPhone sales to drop by 14M in 2018, accelerate to over 24 million by 2026
 * 24) NBC Reporter: "Can we trust that what the President says is real?" Bullshiat Spice: "If he's not joking, of course"
 * 25) Sean Spicer seemed shocked to hear Jim Acosta say poor people existed; he just thought it was a myth like Star Wars or Hillary Clinton having people murdered
 * 26) Newt licks himself some Trump butt. Mmm, that's good Trump butt
 * 27) Trump White House on CBO report on Trumpcare: unbelievable, fake news. Our own analysis shows that by 2026 twice as many Americans will lose health insurance as the CBO report. So there
 * 28) CBO report suggests TrumpCare may be responsible for thousands of unplanned births. Man, I keep hearing he's screwing us, but I didn't take it literally
 * 29) As their Obamacare replacement cuts off funds for Planned Parenthood, Republicans want to reassure women that other clinics will step up to provide their low-cost breast exams, contraception and cancer screenings. Let's see how that worked in TX
 * 30) Paul Ryan would like to remind all Americans that Trump had his tiny hands all over the crafting of the GOP's healthcare legislation
 * 31) Trump's agenda hinges on the fate of Trumpscare
 * 32) GOP is scrambling to re-write their healthcare bill after the CBO estimates show just how much it will piss off their voting base of old white people
 * 33) Trumpcare raids Medicare to enrich the wealthy and plant a bomb meant to destroy it forever. America First, indeed
 * 34) A bunch of GOP senators are rooting for Republican healthcare efforts to fail because they don't want to get blamed for killing millions of people
 * 35) 1) Don't get sick. 2) If you do get sick, die quickly
 * 36) With his so-called healthcare bill imploding, Paul Ryan does the only thing he can do - schedule a final vote on it for next week
 * 37) HHS Sec. Tom Price says that benchmark for healthcare should be care, not insurance coverage. Aight we can all agree on that? Now let's hear how Trump/GOP plans to provide said care... oh laissez-faire mmmkay that worked magnificently the last time
 * 38) Ryan goes all in on Don'tCare
 * 39) Rand Paul predicts that Trumpcare will pass, fail completely, and only then after the complete collapse of the healthcare system will any real negotiations towards healthcare reform begin
 * 40) Trump threatens Republicans to support TrumpCare or lose their seats. Or possibly grab them by it, one of the two
 * 41) Bullshiat Spice: Come on guys, obviously the President was having some fun with recalcitrant GOP members who refuse to back Health Care bill, he wasn't actually threatening them...no, really. Trust him
 * 42) What's it like to have Trump grab you by the pussy?
 * 43) "If they vote against [Trumpcare they could face the wrath of a vengeful and combative president. If they vote for it, they risk retribution from the Koch [bros.] and other powerful right-wing players whose money can be pivotal in re-election races"]
 * 44) Republican Senator thinks that maybe, possibly, Republican voters might get mad at them for passing a bill that doesn't do anything remotely close to what they've been promising for 7 years
 * 45) President Trump's stellar negotiation tactics have caused three wavering Republican lawmakers to firm up their stance on the ACA repeal-and-replace bill: they came out against it
 * 46) 2009 GOP: Democrats adding incentives to the ACA bill in exchange for votes is pure evil. 2017 GOP: Hey NY delegation, what'll it take to buy your votes for our bill?
 * 47) Let's check in with some actual healthcare providers and see what they think about Paul Ryan's Trumpcare powerpoint.... oh. Oh my
 * 48) GOP: We can't vote for Trumpcare. It's terrible. Trump: What if we fix it so states can require Medicaid recipients to work to get Medicaid? GOP: ...Go on
 * 1) GOP: We can't vote for Trumpcare. It's terrible. Trump: What if we fix it so states can require Medicaid recipients to work to get Medicaid? GOP: ...Go on

GOP Vote on TrumpCare Leaning ...
(President Trump's stellar negotiation tactics have caused three wavering Republican lawmakers to firm up their stance on the ACA repeal-and-replace bill: they came out against it) President Trump's stellar negotiation tactics have caused three wavering Republican lawmakers to firm up their stance on the ACA repeal-and-replace bill: they came out against it) President Trump's stellar negotiation tactics have caused three wavering Republican lawmakers to firm up their stance on the ACA repeal-and-replace bill: they came out against it)
 * 1) General
 * 2) Still On the Fence
 * 3) No
 * 4) Rep. Rod Blum (R IA 1st)
 * 1) Still On the Fence
 * 2) No
 * 3) Rep. Rod Blum (R IA 1st)
 * 1) Still On the Fence
 * 2) No
 * 3) Rep. Rod Blum (R IA 1st)
 * 1) Still On the Fence
 * 2) No
 * 3) Rep. Rod Blum (R IA 1st)
 * 1) Still On the Fence
 * 2) No
 * 3) Rep. Rod Blum (R IA 1st)
 * 1) Rep. Ted Budd (R NC 13th)
 * 1) Rep. Leonard Lance (R NJ 7th)

H.R. 1313
bypass GINA (Genetic Information Nondiscrimination Act of 2008)
 * 1) House GOP bill would let employers demand workers' genetic test results

Convert Abandoned Mine Lands reserve
make $1 billion available to help coal workers
 * 1) GOP: Obama killed the coal miners' jobs. GOP Rep.: Here's $1B to put them back to work. GOP: Not interested

H.R. 985
"Fairness" in Class Action Litigation Act
 * 1) GOP lawmakers are about to pass two laws that would make it nearly impossible to sue corporations

H.R. 720
Lawsuit Abuse "Reduction" Act
 * 1) GOP lawmakers are about to pass two laws that would make it nearly impossible to sue corporations

RANDPAUL ObamaCare Repeal bill

 * 1) Rand Paul introduces simple bill to full repeal Obamacare titled "Popcorn Dot Gif Act of 2017"

Active Cyber Defense Certainty (ACDC) Act
"Get Hacked, Hack Back" would amend the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act of xxxx
 * 1) New bill: Hacking victims have right to self-defense, can hack back

SOAR
Scholarships for Opportunity and Results Reauthorization Act funding religious schools in D.C.
 * 1) House okays using taxpayer money for Islamic schools

GOP Infrastructure Plan

 * 1) Civil engineers estimate it will cost approximately the amount of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan to fix all of America's broken shiat

Hearing Protection Act
misnamed bill regarding gun silencers
 * 1) The "Hearing Protection Act" is a GOP-introduced bill to a) update laws for maximal headphone volume output, b) make measurement of sound levels at live concerts mandatory, c) reduce restrictions on gun silencers

FCC privacy regulations

 * 1) Privacy, what is it good for? Absolutely nothing. GOP wants to do away with FCC's entire privacy rulemaking to allow ISPs to sell your entire browsing history to advertisers or other third parties without your consent

Repeal ESSA
Every Student Succeeds Act
 * 1) Congress votes to repeal rules that would hold school systems accountable for student performance, because that would REALLY fark up Betsy Devos' plan to outsource the public school system to Bob's Bait Shop and Institute of Jesusological studies

Ratify NATO confirmation for Montenegro

 * 1) Tillerson forced to ask congress to hurry the fark up and ratify NATO confirmation for Montenegro, please

Sell ISP information to advertisers
Senate Joint Resolution 34

Competitive Health Insurance Reform Act of 2017 (H.R. 372)
repeal McCarran-Ferguson special exemption from federal antitrust laws

MAR-A-LAGO Act
Make Access Records Available to Lead American Government Openness Act

=Fark Threads on Congressional Investigations= To view the full mess starting from January, 2017, please click here (Don't say you weren't warned)

Trump Campaign contacts with Russia

 * 1) Democrats are finally realizing that Comey knows quite a bit more about Russia and Trump than he's letting on
 * 2) Is Trey Ghowzi a scandal yet?
 * 3) Realizing that their base will still vote for them regardless of what he does, the GOP stays on the SS Trump
 * 4) The Trump-Beltway wars have only just begun
 * 5) Sorry Dems, the whole Jeff Sessions gig you've got going is nothing but fake news
 * 6) And here it is. The stupidest thing you will read all day
 * 7) FBI and NSA called to testify on Trump-Russia investigation. CIA was going to be called, but thanks to Wikileaks, Congress already knows what CIA was going to say anyway
 * 8) Nothing to see here -- just Trump associates directly communicating with Russian hackers mere weeks before the DNC was hacked
 * 9) AG Sessions: "Khorosho, ya sdelayu vse, chto vozmozhno, chtoby vosstanovit' nezavisimost' i professionalizm Ministerstva yustitsii"
 * 10) Trump Campaign Knew
 * 11) Russian spies offer to help tech companies overcome American spies
 * 12) White House finally responds to growing questions about Wikileaks CIA dump, Trump's wiretap accusation and connections to Russia...by canceling all press events
 * 13) White House spokesperson: Trump doesn't know a damn thing
 * 14) The master of understatement Shepard Smith finally snaps on the latest Michael Flynn collusion revelations, barks "There's been a lot of lying." It's just some light treason, right?
 * 15) FBI continues investigating the "odd" cyber link between a Russian bank and Trump's corporate holdings
 * 16) All of Trump's ties to Russia laid out in one easy char- Really? Seven? We need THAT Many? OK, fine: All of Trump's ties to Russia laid out in SEVEN, actually fairly complicated charts


 * 1) Sen. Murphy says what many of us are thinking, Wikileaks timing for releasing this info on the CIA is suspiciously timed, almost as if they were trying to deflect attention from something else, but what could that be?
 * 2) The real shocker in the WikiLeaks scoop is the demonstration, once again, that the U.S. government can't keep secrets
 * 3) Lindsey Graham vows to "find out all things Russian" and has put Trump right in his crosshairs
 * 4) James Comey to officially reveal if FBI is investigating Trump's ties to Russia during presidential election
 * 5) Russian oligarch who purchased Trump's Palm Beach mansion for way above market price, admits his plane and Trump's shared a tarmac in North Carolina days before the election, but totally did not meet or anything, trust him
 * 6) Senate Intelligence Committee
 * 7) Trump allies Roger Stone and Paul Manafort both wanted for questioning in Russia investigations
 * 8) And today Comey throws Trump under the bus
 * 9) "Is Russiagate just a conspiracy theory?" If the headline ends in a question
 * 10) House Intelligence Committee
 * 11) Will Comey reveal that Trump is a puppet? Will the pee tape come to light? Will Trump demand Comey's head after the hearing? THIS is your House Intelligence Committee Hearing on Russia-gate thread (hearing starts at 10 AM EDT on C-SPAN)
 * 12) Comey confirms the FBI is investigating Trump team for Russia connections they can sweep under the rug
 * 13) James Comey answers the least suspenseful question in recorded history
 * 14) Pro tip: Wait until the hearing is over before you mischaracterize someone's congressional testimony, Mr. President, or you run the risk of being corrected in real-time
 * 15) Rep Trey Gowdy attempts a high profile "But what about..." during the Comey hearing, but doesn't quite stick the landing
 * 16) Pretty much, the only way today could have gone worse for Trump is if PornHub added a "presidential watersports" category to their search engine or Melania was revealed as a victim of "the Fappening 2.0"
 * 17) White House continues to defend wiretapping claim despite today's contrary statements from "so-called FBI Director" Comey
 * 18) Minor unpaid Trump volunteer Paul Manafort was paid millions to push pro-Putin policy in US and Europe for the last decade
 * 19) A lot of smoke so far, here's some actual fire: US officials say Trump campaign coordinated with the Russians
 * 1) A lot of smoke so far, here's some actual fire: US officials say Trump campaign coordinated with the Russians

Possible Russian Interference Of 2016 POTUS Election

 * 1) And Jeff recuses
 * 2) The fact that the Top Republican on the House Intelligence Committee which has been charged with looking into Russia's interference in the election was also a member of Trump's transition team should in no way cast doubt on the panel's work
 * 3) You know all those "BernieBros"? Turns out some were probably paid Russian agents, not that there are any here on Fark, of course

Possible Interference with Economic Sanctions against Russia
"asked the White House and law enforcement agencies to keep materials related to Trump associates’ alleged ties to Russia" "asked federal agencies to keep materials that tie into its investigation into Russian cyber hacking and other efforts to disrupt the election"
 * 1) WH ordered to keep all information they have regarding Russia. Presumably for the big bonfire they'll have when Putin has a state visit
 * Senate Judiciary Committee
 * Senate Intelligence Committee
 * 1) And.... Here.... We... Go
 * 2) AG Sessions to hold press conference at 4pm Eastern, presumably to tell us that he did not have relations with that country. Or that he did. Either way, grab the popcorn, and here we go, again

Release of President's Tax Returns

 * 1) White House releases tax info before Maddow's show, then Trump gets on the Twitter and calls it fake. WTF is this guy's problem?
 * 2) Donald Trump Jr. goes on Twitter rant about fake news after Rachel Maddow unveiled his father's very real tax returns
 * 3) Trump attorney challenges Scarborough to prove Trump team is behind tax leak, because proof is something everyone else has to provide
 * 4) And the biggest revelation from President Trump's leaked tax return? He will benefit more than anyone else with his proposed tax plan
 * 5) Maddow: Guys, there's a reason his campaign theme was "You can't always get what you want"
 * 6) Rachel Maddow rickrolled her liberal flock, and they love her for it and can't wait for the next benevolent serving of anti-Trump scraps
 * 7) Is MSNBC lackey Rachel Maddow in legal trouble for publishing Trump's tax return? Probably not but she should be
 * 8) "I know we at MSNBC done goofed. But hey, its real, so at least we got that going for us"

Rep. Nadler's "Resolution of Inquiry"
demanding Attorney General hand over “any document, record, memo, correspondence or other communication” pertaining to “criminal or counterintelligence investigations” related to Trump, White House staff or his business"

Obama Alleged Phone Tapping

 * 1) House Intelligence Committee requests that Trump FW:FW:FW:FW:FW: over his evidence of wiretapping by Monday
 * 2) House Intelligence Committee set today as the deadline for Trump to provide evidence he was the victim of an Obama "wiretapp." Will Trump follow through? What will happen if he fails to provide the evidence? Either way, things will get crazy today
 * 3) Spicer will finally reveal the wiretapping evidence against Obama- or implode. (Live at 1ish EST)
 * 4) Welcome to Politics 2017 - The Year of the Walk Back
 * 5) Trump again says he was wiretapped as long as you include people listening to people in any situation as wiretapping
 * 6) Obviously, the reason no one can find any evidence that Obama ordered Trump wiretapped is because he asked James Bond to do it
 * 7) House judiciary Republicans ask for FBI briefing on Trump's wiretapping claims, moon landing from 1969, and whereabouts of the Tooth Fairy
 * 8) Trump defenders are starting to sound like English Lit professors at a Joyce seminar: "So now you have to decide, are you going to take the tweets literally? And if you are then clearly the president was wrong. But if you're not"
 * 9) Obviously, the reason no one can find any evidence that Obama ordered Trump wiretapped is because he asked James Bond to do it
 * 10) White House officially downgrades its apology to "an explanation"
 * 11) No longer even trying to hide it
 * 12) Deputy Director of the NSA calls Trump's UK spying allegations "just crazy", "arrant nonsense". Then insinuates Trump is ignorant and stupid. Why yes, he is retiring shortly
 * 13) Secret Service laptop containing the floor plans to Trump Tower and info about the Clinton email investigation stolen
 * 14) "Circumstantial evidence" regarding collusion between Russia and Trump campaign. The seven or so Trump surrogates who had many meetings with Russians not withstanding
 * 15) And today Comey throws Trump under the bus
 * 16) UK Intelligence Chief warns that Russia may have been behind Donald Trump's claim that British intelligence had wiretapped Trump Tower
 * 17) White House continues to defend wiretapping claim despite today's contrary statements from "so-called FBI Director" Comey
 * 18) David Cameron jokes that a main perk of no longer being British Prime Minister is that he doesn't have to listen to Donald Trump's wiretapped conversations any more, proving British brand of Conservative Humour is as weak as its American cousin
 * 19) Former Nixon White House Counsel John Dean: The actions of the Trump White House in response to the Russia story seem AWFULLY familiar to me...wait, don't tell me, it'll come to me any second
 * 20) People close to the president say Mr. Trump's Twitter torrent had less to do with fact, strategy or tactic than a sense of persecution bordering on faith: He simply believes that he was bugged in some way, by someone
 * 21) Rep. Nunes claims that Trump people were picked up on FBI wiretaps of Russians, which means, technically, Obama wiretapped the Trump campaign, which is the best kind of wiretapping
 * 22) Trump feels "somewhat vindicated" about his "wire tapping" allegations. "Somewhat vindicated" is in quotes meaning not actually vindicated at all

House Intelligence Committee

 * 20 March 2017
 * FBI director James Comey
 * NSA director Admiral Mike Rogers, US Navy
 * 1) "FBI investigation...could hamper [Trump's political agenda for months, if not years, to come." HA. Years?]
 * 2) The FBI Russia probe will also investigate the Western wing of Russia's propaganda machine, Breitbart and Infowars
 * 3) The internet is forever, and things you post can come back to haunt you later. Isn't that right, Mrs. Kellyanne "Ha, ha, you're being investigated by the FBI" Conway?
 * 4) "The FBI probe into Trump and Russia is huge news. Our political system isn't ready for it"

Independent Commission
to investigate allegations of potential coordination between the Trump campaign and the Russians
 * 1) House Intelligence Committee Democrat Adam Schiff calls for independent investigation after Chairperson Devin Nunes decides to throw protocol out the window and brief the President that shiat is hitting the fan faster than anyone expected *DUN DUN*

=Fark Threads on Trump cabinet confirmation hearings= There was a whole lot more than appears here, please check the archive for the full horror show

Carson for Secretary of Housing and Urban Development

 * 1) Senate confirms Ben Carson as secretary of HUD. Current plans are to inform him when he wakes up

Perry for Secretary of Energy

 * 1) Rick Perry officially confirmed as Secretary of... uh... Secretary of... wait I had something for this

Acosta for Labor

 * 1) Trump's new pick for labor secretary made court deals with convicted pedophile Jeffrey Epstein

=Fark Threads on Federal Judiciary Confirmation Hearings=

Gorsuch for Supreme Court Justice

 * 1) Democrats paralyzed as Gorsuch skates. To be fair, his Biellmann spin and stag jump combo earned him a 10.0 from the Ecuadorian judges
 * 2) If Neil Gorsuch isn't a legitimate SCOTUS judge, then I understand the Senate has ways of shutting that down
 * 3) Will Democrats find their collective spines and be able to repel the nightmare of Conservative extremism that is Neil Gorsuch? Will we be reminded of the GOP's obstruction? It's your Official Supreme Court Confirmation Hearing Discussion Thread
 * 4) GOP Senators ask Judge Gorsuch the probing questions: "What's the answer to life, the universe, and everything?" and "Would you rather fight 1 horse-sized duck or 100 duck-sized horses?" Hey, I thought there wasn't going to be a litmus test
 * 5) Gorsuch believes it is improper to state opinions about historic cases. A SCOTUS appointee with no opinion or regard for precedent? The perfect candidate
 * 6) Unanimous Supreme Court overturns a Gorsuch decision ... in the middle of his confirmation hearing
 * 7) 'The SCOTUS bladder is something the whole country stands in awe of'
 * 8) Supreme Court Nominee thinks you should die to protect your company's property, no word on if he thinks the company owes you a funeral or if they can sue your spouse for cleaning up after your corpse

=Fark threads on Trump Ambassadorships= Please check the archive for previous threads on Ambassadorships since there probably won't be any more ambassadors in the future

Palin for Ambassador to Canada
soorry, eh

Ambassador to Russia

 * 1) Putin taps Jon Huntsman as ambassador from US

UN Ambassador for Food and Agriculture

 * 1) Brownback catches last chopper outta Saigon...er....Kansas

=Fark Threads on Oversight=

No Oversight

 * 1) Trump to send 1000 troops to Syria because you can't win wars if you don't fight them

FCC Oversight Hearing
on Net Neutrality
 * 1) And there it is, the stupidest comment on net neutrality you've heard all day

House Committee on Energy and Commerce
hearing on TrumpCare
 * 1) Health care hearing turns to chaos as Republican complains men have to pay for prenatal care

Reports from Congressional Budget Office
cost of GOP healthcare misadventures (the previous link occured prior to the CBO's official announcement)
 * 1) GOP wants you to know that Keith Hall is a liberal hack who isn't fit to be CBO director


 * 1) CBO will release their score for Trumpcare at 4 PM, to be followed by Presidential toilet rant on twitter at 5 AM
 * 2) CBO estimates 14 million people losing health insurance if American Health Act is passed
 * 3) CBO projects iPhone sales to drop by 14M in 2018, accelerate to over 24 million by 2026
 * 4) NBC Reporter: "Can we trust that what the President says is real?" Bullshiat Spice: "If he's not joking, of course"
 * 5) Newt licks himself some Trump butt. Mmm, that's good Trump butt
 * 6) Trump White House on CBO report on Trumpcare: unbelievable, fake news. Our own analysis shows that by 2026 twice as many Americans will lose health insurance as the CBO report. So there
 * 7) If you hated Obamacare because your premiums went up too much, just wait until you try the new and improved 750% hike in Trumpcare
 * 8) Brookings Institute:"At least 15 million will lose their coverage under the American Health Care Act." Congressional Republicans:"We don't like your negative analysis so we'll make our own. With some spreadsheets or whatever"

Federal government’s use of facial recognition
House Oversight and Government Reform Committee

Federal student loans
Subcommittee on Higher Education and Workforce Development

Senate Armed Services Committee

 * 1) Army Gen. Curtis Scaparrotti Supreme Allied Commander Europe (SACEUR) of NATO Allied Command Operations, commander of the United States European Command

House Oversight Committee


=Fark Threads on Congresscritters= The only reason why there is an archive for these assholes is so people might see examples of what not to do

General

 * 1) If the Republican party still has a moral center, it needs to find it or face extinction
 * 2) Apparently Republicans have become Russia's b*tches
 * 3) Right-wing House Republicans not happy with slow progress of Obamacare repeal so they're gonna build their own ACA repeal bills. With blackjack. And hookers
 * 4) Much like the average Farker trying to give up drinking, Republicans are finding it hard to give up obstructionism after their 8 year long addiction
 * 5) ProPublica fact-checks lawmakers' constituent letters and finds out that both sides really are bad. ChecktetrisBOOMSHAKALAKA, libulardorethuglikans

Members informally discuss the President's proposed budget

 * 1) GOP to Trump: No, you can't shut down Meals on Wheels
 * 2) Congressional Republicans rebuke Trump's budget
 * 3) The age of open government is ending
 * 4) GOP Representatives: Here we'll put $75* billion into the bill. Don't ask what it does. We won't know until the Senate passes it

Montana
to fill seat of Ryan Zinke, who is now Secretary of the Interior [https://www.fark.com/comments/9521427 Montana's holding a runoff for its lone seat in the House between a Republican who funded a Creationist museum and tried to kill public fishing access near his house, and a Democrat who once put on the world's largest charity kegger. Why even vote?]
 * 1) At-large Congressional District
 * Greg Gianforte (R)
 * Rob Quist (D)

Senator Marco Rubio (R FL)

 * 1) Senators who have an office in your home states, please raise your hands. Not so fast, Senator Rubio
 * 2) Marco Rubio turned the other cheek only for the invisible hand of the market to spank him on that one too
 * 3) Marco Rubio says Snoop Dogg shouldn't have shot a toy gun at a clown dressed as President Trump, possibly since second amendment solutions for problems should only be proposed by clowns
 * 4) Marco Rubio says Snoop Dogg should have been more careful about pretending to shoot a Trump clown in a video because "presidents have been assassinated before"

Rep. Darrell Issa (R CA 49th)

 * 1) To no one's surprise, Darrell Issa wasn't actually serious about calling for investigations into the Trump administration
 * 2) Judge tosses out defamation lawsuit because Darrell Issa (R-dishonest and CAllous) failed to show that he wasn't dishonest and callous

Senator RANDPAUL (R KY)

 * 1) Rand Paul introduces simple bill to full repeal Obamacare titled "Popcorn Dot Gif Act of 2017"
 * 2) "We won't know what's in the healthcare bill until after it's been voted on." Of course. Typical libe-what? Rand Paul? RAND PAUL

Senator Joe Leiberman (D CT)

 * 1) Former Senator Joe Lieberman (Quisling-CT) says the Democratic strategy of across-the-board opposition to having people's faces eaten off is "thoughtless" and Dems should "compromise". Maybe just let the leopards eat the nose and ears, for example

Senator Ron Johnson (R WI)

 * 1) Senator Ron Johnson, apparently terrified of actually speaking to constituents, treats them like stalkers and sends them cease and desist letters. Of course, calling 83 times in the space of a week is a bit excessive
 * 2) And there it is, the stupidest comment on net neutrality you've heard all day

Rep. Jason Chaffetz (R UT 3rd)
chairman of the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform
 * 1) Channeling St. Reagan, Jason Chaffetz suggests poors should buy healthcare instead of those Cadillacs they drive to the grocery store in order to buy steak and lobster with their food stamps
 * 2) FEC filings show Jason Chaffetz used over $700 of his campaign donors' money to shop at the Apple Store last year
 * 3) House okays using taxpayer money for Islamic schools

Rep. Trey Gowdy (R SC 4th)

 * 1) Is Trey Ghowzi a scandal yet?
 * 2) Rep Trey Gowdy attempts a high profile "But what about..." during the Comey hearing, but doesn't quite stick the landing

Rep. Mike Bost (R IL 12th)

 * 1) GOP congressman says holding town halls is like being yelled at in a ritual "that the Orientals used to do"

Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D CA 12th)
House minority leader
 * 1) Nancy Pelosi: I never met Russian ambassador Sergey Kislyak. File photo: Oh yeah? Nancy Pelosi: Oh, heh... did I say never? I meant never one-on-one. Ha, silly me

Rep. Dr. Roger Marshall (R KS 1st)

 * 1) Poor people don't want health care and Jesus was against helping the sick for free. Apparently we've been doing it wrong all this time

Rep. Steve King (R, IA 4th)

 * 1) Congressman Steve King (R-eally Crazy) wants a purge. No, really, he said that
 * 2) Steve King thinks he would look real snazzy in a Nazi uniform
 * 3) Republicans tell Steve King that he's being a little too obvious with the dog megaphone
 * 4) Steve King reminded on the House floor "They are our babies"
 * 5) Republican congressman and proud Twitter racist Steve King finally caves to all the pressure, gives interview detailing how he's been crushed by the weight of all of his GOP colleagues patting him on the back
 * 6) Apparently, there were people who thought Iowa was a vacation destination. Who knew?

Rep. Paul Ryan (R WI 4th)
Speaker of the House
 * 1) "Meh, he's a crazy asshole. What did you expect? Don't look at us, you voted for the guy." - The GOP Leadership
 * 2) For some reason Paul Ryan is acting like your boring poli sci teacher explaining obamacare repeal
 * 3) Paul Ryan: The "fatal conceit" of Obamacare is that HEALTHY people with insurance subsidize SICK people's health costs
 * 4) Much like the average Farker trying to give up drinking, Republicans are finding it hard to give up obstructionism after their 8 year long addiction
 * 5) Oh, look, Steven Mnuchin just wrote the letter begging Congress to raise the debt ceiling so America doesn't default. Let's see if Republicans are still as opposed to it as they were when Obama was president
 * 6) Paul Ryan; "Trump will never win a beauty contest." Wait, what? Oh, Trumpcare will never win a beauty contest. Coulda went either way
 * 7) Paul Ryan defends the eight days Congress is scheduled to be in session in April. Or as Congress calls working eight days in one month, putting in a little OT
 * 8) Breitbart begins sharpening some very long knives
 * 9) Microwave catches Paul Ryan throwing Trump under the bus
 * 10) Breitbart loves trolling Paul Ryan. Well who wouldn't?
 * 11) Paul Ryan would like to remind all Americans that Trump had his tiny hands all over the crafting of the GOP's healthcare legislation
 * 12) With his so-called healthcare bill imploding, Paul Ryan does the only thing he can do - schedule a final vote on it for next week
 * 13) Ryan goes all in on Don'tCare
 * 14) Let's check in with some actual healthcare providers and see what they think about Paul Ryan's Trumpcare powerpoint.... oh. Oh my

Senator Mitch McConnell (R KY)
Senate Majority Leader
 * 1) "Meh, he's a crazy asshole. What did you expect? Don't look at us, you voted for the guy." - The GOP Leadership

Senator Chuck Grassley (R IA)

 * 1) Leave it to curmudgeonly Iowa republican Chuck Grassley to oppose a special prosecutor over Russia

Senator Thom Tillis (R NC)

 * 1) NC Senator Thom Tillis bravely scheduled a town hall meeting. That took place via telephone

Rep. Lamar Smith (R, TX 21st)
Chairman of the House Science, Space and Technology Committee
 * 1) GOP lawmakers are about to pass two laws that would make it nearly impossible to sue corporations

Rep. Pete Sessions (R TX 32nd)
House Rules Committee chair
 * 1) World's Greatest Healthcare Plan of 2017. No, really, that`s what it's actually called
 * 2) Trumpy Spice: "Every member of the House and Senate will be able to have their opportunity to have amendments (on TrumpCare) offered through the committee process and on the floor," GOP Leadership: The Hell you say

Rep. Buddy Carter (R GA 1st)

 * 1) "You can't wait one week to see what it would cost?" an exasperated Shepard Smith lambastes Republican Congressman Buddy Carter for trying to push through an ill-informed ACA repeal

Rep. Hal Rogers (R KY 5th)

 * 1) GOP: Obama killed the coal miners' jobs. GOP Rep.: Here's $1B to put them back to work. GOP: Not interested

Sen. Jeff Flake (R AZ)

 * 1) Privacy, what is it good for? Absolutely nothing. GOP wants to do away with FCC's entire privacy rulemaking to allow ISPs to sell your entire browsing history to advertisers or other third parties without your consent
 * 2) GOP Senators ask Judge Gorsuch the probing questions: "What's the answer to life, the universe, and everything?" and "Would you rather fight 1 horse-sized duck or 100 duck-sized horses?" Hey, I thought there wasn't going to be a litmus test

Rep. Jason Smith (R MO 8th)

 * 1) The bar has now been set for "stupidest thing said during the Obamacare repeal debate". " Rep Jason Smith (Slow-MO) decrying Obamacare's tax on tanning beds, If Democrats are concerned about dskin cancer "Why haven't they put a tax on the sun instead?"

Senator Lamar Alexander (R TN)
Senate Committee on Health, Education, Labor and Pensions (HELP) chairman
 * 1) Congress votes to repeal rules that would hold school systems accountable for student performance, because that would REALLY fark up Betsy Devos' plan to outsource the public school system to Bob's Bait Shop and Institute of Jesusological studies

Senator Orrin Hatch (R UT)

 * 1) 174 year-old Senator Orrin Hatch (R-eally Old) announces he will run for another term of office so he can shout more crazy things at cameras

Rep. John Shimkus (R IL 15th)

 * 1) Health care hearing turns to chaos as Republican complains men have to pay for prenatal care

Rep. Devin Nunes (R CA 22nd)
chair, House Intelligence Committee
 * 1) The fact that the Top Republican on the House Intelligence Committee which has been charged with looking into Russia's interference in the election was also a member of Trump's transition team should in no way cast doubt on the panel's work
 * 2) Rep. Nunes claims that Trump people were picked up on FBI wiretaps of Russians, which means, technically, Obama wiretapped the Trump campaign, which is the best kind of wiretapping
 * 3) House Intelligence Committee Democrat Adam Schiff calls for independent investigation after Chairperson Devin Nunes decides to throw protocol out the window and brief the President that shiat is hitting the fan faster than anyone expected *DUN DUN*
 * 4) Rep. Nunes thought he was putting out the Trump Tweet Tapp fire. Only he reached for gasoline instead of water
 * 5) Trump feels "somewhat vindicated" about his "wire tapping" allegations. "Somewhat vindicated" is in quotes meaning not actually vindicated at all

Rep. Joe "The Oil Gargler" Barton (R TX 6th)

 * 1) Texas congressman Joe "The Oil Gargler" Barton repeatedly insists that beating women is a state's rights issue, then yells at his constituents to shut up when they disagree with his rampant idiocy

Senator Mike Crapo (R ID)

 * 1) The "Hearing Protection Act" is a GOP-introduced bill to a) update laws for maximal headphone volume output, b) make measurement of sound levels at live concerts mandatory, c) reduce restrictions on gun silencers

Rep. Jeff Duncan (R SC 3rd)

 * 1) The "Hearing Protection Act" is a GOP-introduced bill to a) update laws for maximal headphone volume output, b) make measurement of sound levels at live concerts mandatory, c) reduce restrictions on gun silencers

Rep. Chris Collins (R NY 27th)

 * 1) "He's doing everything that he promised he would do - working to secure our borders, took us out of TPP, has the best cabinet that has never been assembled in history," says GOP congressman who gave Trump an A for his performance. Hilarity ensued

former Rep. Steve Stockman (R TX 9th, 36th)

 * 1) Former Texas Representative Steve Stockman (R) accused of spending money meant for charity on himself. And, according to Stockman, he would have gotten away with it, if it weren't for the meddling deep state and its dog

Rep. Dave Brat (R VA 7th)

 * 1) Dave Brat goes into a conspiracy theory meltdown live on the air after Katy Tur asks him a few simple questions

JV Team
executive director, Congressional Leadership Fund Queens' Community Board 4's transportation committee member ex-felon, independent candidate Virginia House of Delegates former Maricopa County Sheriff ''the state or just the bathrooms? Yes.'' former chair, Colorado Republican Party
 * 1) Arizona state Legislature
 * 2) They'd have gotten away with it too if it weren't for those meddling kids and their dumb watchdog. SCOOBY DOOBY DOO
 * 3) state water officials for Michigan
 * 4) Flint residents must start paying for water they still can't drink without a filter, because fark you, that's why
 * 5)  Corry Bliss
 * 1) New Republican ad attacks Democratic congressional candidate for... dressing up as Han Solo in college?
 * 2) Texas GOP
 * 3) Texas GOP message of the day: gay people only have rights when Democrats are in charge
 * 4) Indiana state Legislature
 * 5) Indiana doesn't care what medical science says, the LAW says you can reverse an abortion. Now put it back in
 * 6) Ann Pfoser Darby
 * 1) Community Board member promises that NYC won't need bike lanes once all the immigrants are deported
 * 2) state Rep. Rick Saccone (R, PA, 39th)
 * 3) Why does 'god' need a starship? er...senate seat?
 * 4) Alabama Department of Corrections
 * 5) In Alabama the state prison system is at approximately 180 percent of capacity, the number of correctional officers required is dangerously low, and the fire alarms don't properly work
 * 6) state Rep. John Bennett (R, OK, 1st)
 * 7) If you are a Muslim teen in Oklahoma you must answer a survey before meeting this representative
 * 8) Arkansas state House
 * 9) Bill just filed in the Arkansas State House, would "allow public school teachers to teach creationism and intelligent design as theories" alongside actual science. Surely, no one will notice this time
 * 10) Nathan Daniel Larson
 * 1) Virginia man who spent sixteen months in jail for threatening to kill President Obama and who believes women should be denied the right to vote decides to run for political office
 * 2) Governor Eric Greitens (R MO)
 * 3) MO Gov. Eric Greitens is so committed to ethics reform, he personally setup a "non-profit" group to push agendas that he sets, and funded by dark money that only he knows about
 * 4) Florida state legislature
 * 5) Want to kill someone? Do it in Florida, where it's basically legal now
 * 6) Florida GOP finds novel way to solve invasive python problem: cut food stamps to 200,000 people and they'll be desperate enough to eat the snakes
 * 7) One state prepares to make Stand Your Ground laws even worse for anyone who isn't an NRA member
 * 8) state Senator Joey Hensley (R, TN, 28th)
 * 9) Uber-Christian TN lawmaker who sponsored "Don't Say Gay" bill, has been doing the satanic shuffle with a married woman, who just so happens to also be his cousin
 * 10) state Senator Phil Berger (R, NC, 26th)
 * 11) The manager of NC State Senator Phil Berger's Facebook page used 1 weird trick to spoof news articles written about NC governor Roy Cooper, violating Facebook policy. Berger's spokesperson immediately claims Facebook is wrong
 * 12) Governor Sam Brownback (R KS)
 * 13) Brownback catches last chopper outta Saigon...er....Kansas
 * 14) Governor Dennis Daugaard (R SD)
 * 15) SD governor signs bill forbidding LGBT couples from adopting if the adoption agency's religious beliefs go against having gay couples as parents. In other news, more SD children to be sent to orphanages, which would obviously be better for them
 * 16) Rep. Randy Brodehl (R, MT, 9th)
 * 17) Republicans in the Montana legislature introduce a revenge bill to completely defund county attorneys. Can we have a "WTF" tag now?
 * 18) Joe Arpaio
 * 1) Congratulations, Arizona citizens: you voted out Sheriff Joe last November, but you will be paying approximately $108 MEEEELLIONNNNN dollars this year to pay for his legal fees / lawsuit settlements
 * 2) Rep. Wes Retherford (R, OH, 51st)
 * 3) That Ohio state rep with the DUI arrest? Yeah, he was ordered by the speaker to remove a liquor cabinet from his office back in 2015
 * 4) Governor Chris Christie (R NJ)
 * 5) Gov. Chris Christie victim blames all the recently fired U.S. attorneys. "They received notice that they were leaving office. That notice was given to them by the people of the country on November 8, when they elected a Republican president"
 * 6) state Senator Steve Fitzgerald (R, KS, 5th)
 * 7) Stupid: Man compares Planned Parenthood to Nazi concentration camp after someone makes a donation in his name. FARK: Kansas State Senator Steve Fitzgerald (R)
 * 8) the state of Texas
 * 9) As their Obamacare replacement cuts off funds for Planned Parenthood, Republicans want to reassure women that other clinics will step up to provide their low-cost breast exams, contraception and cancer screenings. Let's see how that worked in TX
 * 10) state Sen. Ralph Shortey (R, OK, 44th)
 * 11) Oklahoman state senator has apparently chosen "live boy" off the scandal menu
 * 12) The Oklahoma state senator who was caught in a motel room with an underage boy was also a Trump campaign chair
 * 13) Actual headline: Oklahoma law allows Sen. Ralph Shortey to keep his state retirement even if convicted of prostitution with a minor
 * 14) West Virginia state Senate
 * 15) To prepare for the resurgence in coal jobs that Trump has promised, West Virginia Senate proposes eliminating nearly all mine safety regulations
 * 16) North Carolina state House legislature
 * 17) NC GOP House: You know, not a single NCAA tournament game will be played in our beautiful state this year. That's why we are repealing the latest HB2 repeal effort
 * 18) North Carolina legislature
 * 19) NC Supreme Court to Republicans: Yeah, I don't think that power grab you tried after McCrory lost is going to work for us
 * 20) Governor Rick Scott (R FL)
 * 21) Rick Scott fires prosecutor for getting uppity
 * 22) North Carolina
 * 1) South Carolina profits off of North Carolina's bathroom bill
 * 2) Texas state Senate
 * 3) Texas passes bill allows doctors to withhold information from pregnant women about detected birth defects like Down's Syndrome, Republicanism, Cowboys fandom
 * 4) Oklahoma
 * 5) They say a lottery is a tax on people who are bad at math, and that includes state legislators who screw up their budget and misuse funding, right Oklahoma?
 * 6) Steve Curtix
 * 1) Trump was right, there was fraud during the election as chairman of major party in Colorado is charged with voter fraud and forgery during the 2016 election. Oh wait, he was the GOP chairman? Never mind then
 * 2) Rep. Larry Lockman (R, ME 137th)
 * 3) Maybe legislator introduces bill that would make it illegal to point out how stupid climate change deniers are
 * 4) Governor Asa Hutchinson (R AR)
 * 5) Arkansas Governor signed a bill allowing people with CCW licenses to carry guns "at state colleges, some bars, government buildings and even the state Capitol." Said Governor Hutchinson at the signing: Yeee-HAW *blam* *blam*
 * 6) Rep. George Faught (R, OK, 14th)
 * 7) Rep. Andy Holt (R, TN, 76th)
 * 1) Rep. Andy Holt (R, TN, 76th)

WTF?
WTF!?

Senator Claire McCaskill (D MO)

 * 1) Claire McCaskill: Jeff Sessions should resign because as a senator he once talked to the Russian Ambassador...you know just like me and every one of my hypocrite DNC colleagues on the Senate Armed Services Committee

Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz (D FL 23rd)

 * 1) In a great confluence of political cross currents of nothingberger, the story that DWS failed to recognize SEAL's widow turns out to be fake, or was it?

Senator Chris Coons (D DE)

 * 1) After railing against Republicans for throwing a government shutdown tantrum, Democrats plan to throw a government shutdown tantrum

Senator Lindsay Graham (R, SC)

 * 1) Media reports that Trump is meeting with former rivals in a "charm offensive." Minus the charm

Senator Ted Cruz (R TX)

 * 1) Ted and Heidi Cruz to dine with Trump tonight, and Ted's moonlighting as the Zodiac Killer won't even crack the top ten most awkward factors
 * 2) Media reports that Trump is meeting with former rivals in a "charm offensive." Minus the charm
 * 3) Grandpa Munster says the Trumps were "gracious and warm" during dinner at the White House and everything was fine, just fine, and there is no reason to suspect otherwise

Senator Marco Rubio (R FL)

 * 1) Media reports that Trump is meeting with former rivals in a "charm offensive." Minus the charm

Senator Al Franken (D MN)

 * 1) With their newfound irrelevance since Nov. 8th, Democrats are using their down time to explore new hobbies. For example, Sen. Al Franken is hosting a casserole competition

Rep. Louie Gohmert (R TX 1st)

 * 1) House judiciary Republicans ask for FBI briefing on Trump's wiretapping claims, moon landing from 1969, and whereabouts of the Tooth Fairy

Senator Mitch McConnell (R KY)
Senate Majority Leader
 * 1) Senate Stenographer participates in Nap Day in the middle of Mitch McConnell speech

Senator Bernie Sanders (I VT)

 * 1) You've never really libbed until you're so lib that Bernie Sanders isn't liberal enough for you

Senator John McCain (R AZ)

 * 1) News: Sen. McCain directly accuses politician of working directly for the Russians and Vladimir Putin, on the senate floor. Fark: Sen. Rand Paul of Kentucky for not supporting bill to advance Montenegro's bid to join NATO
 * 2) After John McCain called Rand Paul a Russian collaborator, Rand Paul went on TV and said that John McCain was the best argument for term limits, as he has become unhinged in his old age. Oh Snap

Senator RANDPAUL (R KY)

 * 1) News: Sen. McCain directly accuses politician of working directly for the Russians and Vladimir Putin, on the senate floor. Fark: Sen. Rand Paul of Kentucky for not supporting bill to advance Montenegro's bid to join NATO
 * 2) After John McCain called Rand Paul a Russian collaborator, Rand Paul went on TV and said that John McCain was the best argument for term limits, as he has become unhinged in his old age. Oh Snap
 * 3) Rand Paul predicts that Trumpcare will pass, fail completely, and only then after the complete collapse of the healthcare system will any real negotiations towards healthcare reform begin

Rep. Alan Lowenthal (D CA 47th)

 * 1) Guy who doesn't like gay people stomps all over their flag. This is not a metaphor

Rep. Paul Ryan (R WI 1st)
Speaker of the House

Senator Joni Earnst (R IA)

 * 1) Slavishly devoted Trump supporter and Iowa senator Joni Ernst is holding a town hall in Cedar Rapids today. No word if she'll show up wearing bread bags on her feet

Rep. Peter King (R NY 2nd)

 * 1) What's it like to have Trump grab you by the pussy?

JV Team
TeaParty trainwreck
 * 1) state Senator Mark Chelgren (R, IA, 41st)
 * 2) Republican Sen. from Iowa claims a business degree from Forbco Mgt. School. WTF is Forbco U. you might ask? Spokesman for the State Republican party says it's the Sizzler steakhouse version of a certificate from Hamburger U. at McDonalds
 * 3) Iowa politician with degree from Sizzler University denies he "mischaracterized" his background as he continues efforts to undermine state universities
 * 4) former governor Steve Beshear (R?, KY)
 * 5) Apparently not having learned their lesson from the past election, Democrats pick the most underwhelming candidate they could find to deliver the Democratic response to Trump. How underwhelming? Even Rachel Maddow panned him as small and stunty
 * 6) Governor John Kasich (R OH)
 * 7) Media reports that Trump is meeting with former rivals in a "charm offensive." Minus the charm
 * 8) Governor Chris Christie (R NJ)
 * 9) Media reports that Trump is meeting with former rivals in a "charm offensive." Minus the charm
 * 10) Governor Scott Walker (R WI)
 * 11) Media reports that Trump is meeting with former rivals in a "charm offensive." Minus the charm
 * 12) Rhode Island state House
 * 13) Lawmaker complains of 'file cabinets full of booze' at the Rhode Island State House. In other news, we've discovered where Fark's backup servers are located
 * 14) Governor Andrew Cuomo (D NY)
 * 15) New York Governor Andrew Cuomo has hired two Florida fundraisers. Nudge nudge, wink wink
 * 16) Wisconsin election officials
 * 17) News: Wisconsin election officials announce that they found evidence of election fraud. Fark: During Democratic Primary. Ultra fark: Blame Bernie Sanders for tweeting that 17 yr olds could vote, and these managed to do so despite law. Bernie won
 * 18) Mayor Bill de Blasio (D, New York City)
 * 19) Preet-less prosecutors decline to charge DeBlasio with campaign-finance corruption. Thanks, Trump
 * 20) Sharron Angle
 * 1) All aboard...... Hahaha...... [Instrumental... I, I, I, I... [fade] [Instrumental] ]
 * 2) Rep. Gene DiGirolamo (R, PA, 14th)

Wait-and-See
these Congresscritters aren't sure yet how their decisions will play politically, so they're not committing to anything publicly

Rep. Charlie Dent (R PA 15th)

 * 1) Meet the Republicans who could stop Trumpscare

Rep. Barbara Comstock (R VA 10th)

 * 1) Meet the Republicans who could stop Trumpscare

Rep. John Faso (R NY 19th)

 * 1) Meet the Republicans who could stop Trumpscare

Rep. Dan Donovan (R NY 11th)

 * 1) Meet the Republicans who could stop Trumpscare

Senator Tom Cotton (R AR)

 * 1) "Tehran Tom" Cotton wants a do-over on Trumpcare

Rep. Keith Ellison (D MN 5th)

 * 1) It's almost as if two adults, who agree on most things, can sit together and work after they compete

Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D CA 12th)
House Minority Leader
 * 1) Dems to Sessions: GTFO

Rep. Adam Schiff (D CA 28th)
ranking member, House Intelligence Committee
 * 1) Democrats are finally realizing that Comey knows quite a bit more about Russia and Trump than he's letting on
 * 2) Adam Schiff says that Session' explanations for his meetings with the Russian ambassador "make no sense"; tells Jack McCoy to have detectives Briscoe and Green bring him in and go over his statements again
 * 3) House Intelligence Committee requests that Trump FW:FW:FW:FW:FW: over his evidence of wiretapping by Monday
 * 4) House Intelligence Committee set today as the deadline for Trump to provide evidence he was the victim of an Obama "wiretapp." Will Trump follow through? What will happen if he fails to provide the evidence? Either way, things will get crazy today
 * 5) Trump defenders are starting to sound like English Lit professors at a Joyce seminar: "So now you have to decide, are you going to take the tweets literally? And if you are then clearly the president was wrong. But if you're not"
 * 6) Trump leaked classified CIA intel to Tucker Carlson on live TV: ranking House intel member
 * 7) "Circumstantial evidence" regarding collusion between Russia and Trump campaign. The seven or so Trump surrogates who had many meetings with Russians not withstanding
 * 8) Intel offers no evidence of Trump Tower spying. To be honest, I always suspected AMD
 * 9) House Intelligence Committee Democrat Adam Schiff calls for independent investigation after Chairperson Devin Nunes decides to throw protocol out the window and brief the President that shiat is hitting the fan faster than anyone expected *DUN DUN*

Senator Lindsay Graham (R, SC)

 * 1) Dems to Sessions: GTFO
 * 2) Lindsey Graham vows to "find out all things Russian" and has put Trump right in his crosshairs
 * 3) Lindsey Graham threatens to impeach Trump if he starts waterboarding. I hope surfboarding is still okay, since we know Trump loves his water sports

Senator Al Franken (D MN)

 * 1) Sorry Dems, the whole Jeff Sessions gig you've got going is nothing but fake news
 * 2) Sen. Franken: Lies, and the perjured Jeff Sessions who tells them

Senator Chuck Schumer (D NY)
Senate minority leader
 * 1) Chuck Schumer to Trump: I'll talk about my Putin meeting under oath. Will you?

Rep. Ted Lieu (D CA 33rd)

 * 1) Congressman points out to Trump that if his TT phones were tapped, then he's in deeper poop than he imagined because the tap would have required a warrant, which in turn would have required Probable Cause in front of a FISA judge

Senator Tom Cotton (R AR)

 * 1) Even Sen. "Tehran Tom" Cotton isn't willing to hop aboard Trump's latest crazy Train

Senator Ben Sasse (R NE)

 * 1) "Meh, he's a crazy asshole. What did you expect? Don't look at us, you voted for the guy." - The GOP Leadership

Senator Sheldon Whitehouse (D RI)

 * 1) Senators push to force Southern White House to obey regular White House open records laws

Senator Tom Udall (D NM)

 * 1) Senators push to force Southern White House to obey regular White House open records laws

Senator Ron Wyden (D OR)

 * 1) Senators push to force Southern White House to obey regular White House open records laws

Senator Jack Reed (D RI)

 * 1) Senators push to force Southern White House to obey regular White House open records laws

Senator Tom Carper (D DE)

 * 1) Senators push to force Southern White House to obey regular White House open records laws

Senator Kirsten Gillibrand (D NY)

 * 1) Senators push to force Southern White House to obey regular White House open records laws

Senator Richard Blumenthal (D CT)

 * 1) Senators push to force Southern White House to obey regular White House open records laws

Senator Chris Van Hollen (D MD)

 * 1) Senators push to force Southern White House to obey regular White House open records laws

Rep. Elijah Cummings (D MD 7th)

 * 1) Mike Pence: "I had no knowledge that Michael Flynn was working as a paid lobbyist during the campaign" Elijah Cummings: " Here's the letter I sent you on Nov. 18 warning that Flynn was a paid lobbyist" Pence: "Can I get a smoke bomb over here?"
 * 2) Elijah Cummings says there might be a connection between Bharara's firing and the ongoing Trump investigation. Time to bust out the "well duh" images

Senator Chris Murphy (D CT)

 * 1) Sen. Murphy says what many of us are thinking, Wikileaks timing for releasing this info on the CIA is suspiciously timed, almost as if they were trying to deflect attention from something else, but what could that be?

Rep. Maxine Waters (D CA 43rd)

 * 1) Rep. Maxine Waters: "We know" Trump sex blackmail is "absolutely true." Which is such a coincidence because Max Waters was the name of one of his Russian prostitutes
 * 2) Claims to existence of Trump's sex tapes are being watered down

Rep. Tom Graves (R GA 14th)

 * 1) New bill: Hacking victims have right to self-defense, can hack back

Rep. Mike Doyle (D PA 14th)

 * 1) Health care hearing turns to chaos as Republican complains men have to pay for prenatal care

Rep. Tom O’Halleran (D AZ 1st)

 * 1) Democrats are suddenly concerned about the price of Presidential trips

Rep. Michael Burgess (R TX 26th)

 * 1) Congressman Burgess (Я-TX) is willing to lose job by causing Americans to lose health insurance

Rep. Devin Nunes (R CA 22nd)
chair, House Intelligence Committee
 * 1) House Intelligence Committee requests that Trump FW:FW:FW:FW:FW: over his evidence of wiretapping by Monday
 * 2) House Intelligence Committee set today as the deadline for Trump to provide evidence he was the victim of an Obama "wiretapp." Will Trump follow through? What will happen if he fails to provide the evidence? Either way, things will get crazy today
 * 3) Trump defenders are starting to sound like English Lit professors at a Joyce seminar: "So now you have to decide, are you going to take the tweets literally? And if you are then clearly the president was wrong. But if you're not"
 * 4) Intel offers no evidence of Trump Tower spying. To be honest, I always suspected AMD
 * 5) Get to know Intelligence Committee Chair Devin Nunes, a former dairy farmer in charge of US spies and intel

Senator John McCain (R AZ)

 * 1) John McCain predicts there are "more shoes to drop" over Russiaghazi

Rep. Eric Swalwell (D CA 15th)

 * 1) Steve King reminded on the House floor "They are our babies"

Group of GOP Senators
who requested anonymity
 * 1) A bunch of GOP senators are rooting for Republican healthcare efforts to fail because they don't want to get blamed for killing millions of people

Rep. Paul Ryan (R WI 1st)

 * 1) It's official: Obama did not tap that Ass

Rep. Beto O'Rourke (D TX 16th)

 * 1) What does it take to get a Democrat and Republican to work together? ROAD TRIP

Rep. Will Hurd (R TX 23rd)

 * 1) What does it take to get a Democrat and Republican to work together? ROAD TRIP

Senator Russ Feingold (D WI)

 * 1) If Neil Gorsuch isn't a legitimate SCOTUS judge, then I understand the Senate has ways of shutting that down

former Rep. David Jolly (R FL 13th)

 * 1) So we've ALL been thinking it, but credit goes to former Rep. David Jolly (R-FL) for being the first to come out and say it publicly: President Donald Trump isn't "intellectually qualified" to be president

Senator Mike Lee (R UT)

 * 1) Republican Senator thinks that maybe, possibly, Republican voters might get mad at them for passing a bill that doesn't do anything remotely close to what they've been promising for 7 years

Rep. Jason Chaffetz (R UT 3rd)
chairman, House Oversight Committee

JV Squad
attorney general, Washington state Florida state attorney ''the state or just the bathrooms? Yes.'' is for animal lovers
 * 1) Kansas state Supreme Court
 * 2) Supreme Court of Kansas orders school funding hike, as voters wonder if there is something... anything at all, that lies within their power to bring about some kind of change to the government which so consistently fails to represent them
 * 3) Alabama state Legislature
 * 4) Let this sink in for a second: ALABAMA lawmakers may be showing more of a commitment to ethics and good government than the United States Congress right now, as the GOP-dominated legislature meets to discuss impeaching their Republican governor
 * 5) Governor Charlie Baker
 * 6) Governor sees Trump's attempt to f*ck over Planned Parenthood and promises to keep funding them even if the Feds pull out, no strings attached. Oh, and the governor is a Republican
 * 7) Kansas state Legislature
 * 8) The Great Pumpkin is already on the cusp of defeating his first theocratic dictatorship, currently in negotiations to remove head of state of Brownbackistan
 * 9) Bob Ferguson
 * 1) Ferguson vs Trump. Round 2, FIGHT
 * 2) Aramis D. Ayala
 * 1) Rick Scott fires prosecutor for getting uppity
 * 2) North Carolina state Supreme Court
 * 3) NC Supreme Court to Republicans: Yeah, I don't think that power grab you tried after McCrory lost is going to work for us
 * 4) South Carolina
 * 1) South Carolina profits off of North Carolina's bathroom bill
 * 2) Ohio
 * 1) Change your travel plans: sex with animals illegal in Ohio starting today
 * 2) Rep. Beth Fukumoto (I, HI, 36th)

=See Also=
 * Drumpfster Fire
 * ALECworks
 * the archive for this page
 * Defying GOP's Wet Dream of One Party Rule of U.S. Government