Drumpfster Fire Daily Chaos/Archive/2017/March 2017

Originally this page was a part of the Drumpfster Fire main page. However, it became a distraction, thus it was given it's own seperate page to fester mostly out of sight.

This page is for all the Fark threads for the current month of September, 2024

The President's Address to Congress

1. Colbert completed Trump's 'say it to my face' challenge
   1. Here is the real democratic response to Trump's speech
   2. With a coherent speech for once, Donald Trump may have just had his Bar Mitzvah moment
   3. Apparently not having learned their lesson from the past election, Democrats pick the most underwhelming candidate they could find to deliver the Democratic response to Trump. How underwhelming? Even Rachel Maddow panned him as small and stunty
   4. President ME has left the building: Trump references self 60 percent less than Obama in first SOTU address. And remember, this is Donald Trump we are talking about
   5. Factchecking of Trump's speech exceeds expectations by 17%
   6. Of the three bills and two executive orders President Trumpler signed yesterday, guess which one wasn't given a signing ceremony or photoshoot
   7. Trump's first address to congress was watched by three billion people, more than any other American President before him
   8. We now know Trump is no ballerina, he didn't have a one-night "pivot" concerning his State of the Union speech, so just stop picturing him in a tutu
   9. Fox News was the most-watched cable network for Trump's State of The Confederacy speech
   10. "The media's reaction to his speech to Congress was shameful"

Meglomania, Jingoism

1. Remember Trump's fawning, gladhanding, insincere meeting with Times people back in November, when he called the paper a "jewel," praised Obama and admitted that maybe global warming was true? Well, they fell for it again
2. Evil liberal leftist enemy of democracy CNN continues to destroy America by praising Donald Trump for using the power of his spoken words to single-handedly send the DJIA soaring 200 points to over 21,000
3. President ME has left the building: Trump references self 60 percent less than Obama in first SOTU address. And remember, this is Donald Trump we are talking about
4. You may be wondering why Elon Musk has been cozying up to the Trump administration. And the new Tesla facilities in Russia is just a coincidence
5. Looks like Trump is right, News coverage of him is really, really negative. Even on Fox News. To be fair, there are only so many positive ways one can cover a turd
6. Colbert completed Trump's 'say it to my face' challenge
7. The Great Trump Recovery from the Obama Recession has officially begun
8. Odd, just eight years ago a president asking for a lot of money for infrastructure projects was grounds for conservative riots, death threats, and impeachment talks
9. Trump's first address to congress was watched by three billion people, more than any other American President before him
10. People who know point out how Trump has changed his wardrobe to look less Trumpian. Same people throw up their hands over Sean Spicer
11. Trump attempts to deflect the latest revelation involving one of his staffers coordinating with Russia by going on Twitter and making fake claims about the economy
12. Trump to give speech aboard USS Gerald Ford at 2:30 p.m. EDT. Will he stumble and trip?
13. As if "alternative facts" weren't bad enough, "alternative intelligence" will lead us straight to war. Again
14. Despite what he says, Trump loves Obama. How much? First, Melania plagiarized Michelle's speech at the Convention. Now, Trump uses Obama's weakness as his own, i.e. not explaining his policies better with the American people
15. The Trump-Beltway wars have only just begun
16. Celebrate the 1st year anniversary of President Trump announcing his penis is not only bigly YUGE, but that it's armed and fully operational. #trumpclass
17. After putting in so much effort and hard work not to sound unhinged during his speech to congress Trump rewards himself with spending the weekend at his Mar-A-Lago estate
18. Today is the day that Trump supporters will show their strength in March 4 Trump rallies all across the country. Already tens of Trump supporters have shown up at the National Mall
    1. Video has emerged of Donald Trump's oval office Tirade against Bannon, Priebus et al last Friday. And No, this is not a "Downfall" rickroll, though , in some ways the similarities s ARE striking
19. You know you're a lonely person when you find yourself taking a life-sized cardboard cutout of President Trump on camping trips, boat rides, and a country music festival
20. The serious case for Oprah 2020
21. "Today is the day when all patriotic Americans will show President Trump all the respect he deserves"
22. Donald Trump $2 bills are the best $2 bills ever. Everyone thinks so. It's fantastic U.S. legal tender. They are worth at least $13.95 each. Other $2 bills may be worth only $2. Sad
23. Looks like there's a big-ass bus barreling towards Chief of Staff Reince Priebus. The well-oiled machine is constantly crashing and everyone - including Trump - is starting to point the finger at him
24. President Trump has decided to use the power of his office to expose the potential duplicity and unscrupulous behavior of the Obama Administration in the wiretapping of his campaign
25. Handed out with a photo of him signing it, Trump doubles down on Muslim ban
26. Trump has 26 million Twitter followers but is only following 43 people and businesses. And most of those businesses are his own
27. Welcome to the post-truth presidency
28. Lots of people showed up for "March 4 Trump" rallies across the country, if you count maybe 150 people total as a lot of people
29. Trump is making America so great that Blacks, Latinos, and Whites all agree that race relations are getting worse since he took office. Asians? No idea. Great people, Asians. The best
30. Russian hacking of the DNC is a problem, not a scandal. The scandal is this: Who inside the government of the United States is trying to discredit, damage or destroy the President of the United States?
31. Hey everyone, looks like everything is running smoothly. Trump's tweets speak for themselves
32. 8 tricks for defending Trump on the left. More tricks on the right
33. A minute-by-minute breakdown of two hours of this morning's "Fox & Friends" and President Trump's tweets that soon followed and referenced each story almost verbatim
34. Trump surprises kids on White House tour because everyone thought he was at Mar-a-Lago again
35. Now that President Trump has figured out this White House gig his approval ratings have started to climb
36. Remember back when Republicans were concerned about the president taking too many vacations? Good times, those were....GOOOOD times
37. The more President Trump wins, the more the Dems and anti-Trump conservatives flail their arms in disgust
38. White House claims that Trump's allegations that Obama tapped his phones is evidence of wrongdoing even if it turns out to be false
39. Ted and Heidi Cruz to dine with Trump tonight, and Ted's moonlighting as the Zodiac Killer won't even crack the top ten most awkward factors
40. It looks like the most effective way to save Obamacare is simply to label whatever awful "replacement" the GOP comes up with as "Trumpcare" and sit back and let the Narcissist-in Chief do all the heavy lifting to kill it
41. President Trump misses fantastic opportunity to stay logged out of his Twitter account and keep his mouth shut on International Women's Day
42. Goofy haircut? ✔ Boxy, ill-fitting suits? ✔ Erratic and unstable personality? ✔ Primitive vocabulary? ✔ Hates the country to the south? ✔ Brooks no opposition from underlings? ✔ Thin skin? ✔ Father gave him his career? ✔ Is it Trump or Kim Jong Un?
43. Trump has smashed, destroyed, and otherwise perverted the Presidential Code
44. President Trump nominated for Nobel Peace Prize. He's only been in office a month so the odds are against him, like our president has ever been daunted by the odds
45. Trump claims that he has never met a man who paid him $95 million. Which I totally understand, I've never met a man who'd pay me $95 million either
46. I'm sure it's just a coincidence, but, the New York Daily News, America's paper of opposition to Donald Trump before the election, has changed their tone with President "no press access to haters" Trump
47. New poll suggests the Democratic Party is less popular than Trump and Pence. Dealer showing 10, DNC seen doubling down
48. So what is up with Donald Trump and a cemetery or cemeteries in New Jersey?
49. Johnny Smith apprehended; President Stillson safe
50. Military unit that flew a Trump flag during a convoy did so because their commander thought it would be okay because he won the election
51. Trump's 'security nightmare' trips to Mar-a-Lago provide a bounty of opportunities for hostile spies
52. Trump White House delegitimizes anything that gets in the way of its propaganda
53. Human-pug hybrid Kellyanne Conway pulls another alternative fact out of her rectum, says the Trump campaign was monitored in other ways
54. Donald Trump will host China's president at Mar-A-Lago because why not waste more taxpayer dollars
55. Spicer Says: Trump wants the White House Press pool to decide where he donates his salary. I'm pretty sure they all read Fark so let's give them some suggestions
56. Trump tweets snowstorm warning from the agency whose budget he's planning to slash
57. Another day, another GOP survey. You would think that if they wanted to get feedback from voters, they would hold townhalls or something
58. Trump signs executive order asking every department "just what do they do around here?"
59. President Trump: brought to you by the same people who unleashed knock-off fart apps on the world
60. Trump to lay wreath at Andrew Jackson's grave, initiate new Trail of Tears to make room for real Americans, and cripple the Bank of the United States. Will he go all-in and call for the abolition of the Electoral College to ensure the populist voice?
61. Homophobic pastor Wayne Allyn Root says Donald Trump is "like a wife who makes passionate love to you every day, seven days a week." Even on the Sabbath
62. And the biggest revelation from President Trump's leaked tax return? He will benefit more than anyone else with his proposed tax plan
63. With absolutely nothing else to concern himself with as President of the United States Trump tweets about "failing" Snoop Dogg. Could this be the beginning of a new West Coast-East Coast rivalry?
64. Headline: "Donald Trump is more normal than you think"
65. LIberals, don't get too comfy up there sipping your lattes on your high chairs, turns out women who supported Trump think he's doing a terrific job, and is keeping all his promises, including, draining the swamp and such
66. Liberals in pursuit of the smoking gun to take down Trump fell for a 1.6 billion dollar hoax
67. Yeah, okay, Mr. President. You got me with the references to both ATMs and the Trail of Tears. And for some reason, Democrats. Well played
68. New overnight poll puts Donald Trump's approval rate at 46%. Which is exactly the same percentage who show no concern about health care, the environment, the economy, race relations, labor issues, foreign policy
69. So it turns out that more people voted in the 1026 Presidential election, than did when President Obama was reelected in 2012
70. Trump's response when Fox News' Tucker Carlson confronts him on the devastating impact repealing Obamacare will have on those who voted for him: "Oh, I know"
71. "He's doing everything that he promised he would do - working to secure our borders, took us out of TPP, has the best cabinet that has never been assembled in history," says GOP congressman who gave Trump an A for his performance. Hilarity ensued
72. Cognitive dissonance sadly not covered by the ACA. Thanks, Obama
73. POUTS show how he deals with women leaders by refusing to shake Merkel's hand at photo op - or even look at her
    1. Trump makes hilarious wiretap joke with Merkel to which Merkel responded, I don't understand, I was actually wiretapped while you just made it up. So, how is that funny?
74. White House: All VA Hospitals directed to put up portraits of cheetos
75. Trump claims he is holding a big meeting on how to overhaul the VA at Mar-a-Lago because it was "the most convenient place" and "everybody wanted to go there". Also, Donald? Stop trying to make "The Southern White House" happen. It's embarrassing
76. Trump treats his staff as horribly as he treats everyone else. Film at 11
77. German broadcaster rescues Trump from Handshakegate
78. It's almost as if rolling out a total loser of a healthcare plan and a cruel, heartless budget of pure evil, all while maintaining the lie that he was wiretapped by Obama, has affected his approval rating
79. West Wing 'chaos' as Trump seems 'hellbent on squandering' any gains by his administration: report
80. Fake news delivers new fake polling numbers for Trump showing only 37% approve of his job performance and a fake 58% of fakers disapprove of his job performance
81. Trump: Russia story is 'FAKE NEWS and everyone knows it'
82. Trump Administration to boycott UN council over anti-Israel agenda, because the best way to stop something you don't like is to prevent yourself from voting to stop it
83. Pro tip: Wait until the hearing is over before you mischaracterize someone's congressional testimony, Mr. President, or you run the risk of being corrected in real-time
84. Forbes Magazine says Donald Trump's net worth has dropped by $1 billion over the past year. Trump says no problem, I'll just take trips to Mar-a-Lago twice every week and start holding state dinners there
85. Trump campaign chief turned Lobbyist Corey Lewandowski is raising money for a PAC designed to help "drain the swamp" and fight corruption in Washington. Man, who would've expected him to turn on his former boss like that?
86. GOP: Taxpayers can't afford Meals on Wheels anymore, but they CAN afford to pay for Trump's kids to vacation in Aspen, CO this weekend
87. Is it me or is Harvey Levin a giant shill for the Trump administration? The big news from Comey and all TMZ can report is that someone jumped the fence at the White House. "Look at the dancing monkey, totally ignore the FBI lining up these weasels"
88. Trump voters think it's OK for Trump to commit treason because Hillary would have been worse. So there ya have it kids, out of their own mouths and in their own words: Trumpers support treason
89. Trump threatens Republicans to support TrumpCare or lose their seats. Or possibly grab them by it, one of the two
90. Meanwhile at Rasmussen, the Czar's approval rating remains at 50%
91. Hours after his SCOTUS nominee scolds President Trump for bashing federal judges, he doubles down and says no one can tell him what to do and he'll continue bashing the judiciary
92. Having solved all the nation's problems and secured his legacy, President Trump turns his sights on teen who created website where you can punch Trump's face using a cat's paw
93. Secret Service needs an additional 5,424,954 Meals on Wheels to protect President Trump's family and private home
94. ^(3/23/2017) Trump's early policy moves benefit the industries he knows best - his own. But don't worry, there's no conflict of interest here, believe me 
95. ^(3/23/2017) Trump gives incoherent interview to Time magazine and sums up his Presidential critics by saying, I'm President and you're not. He then dropped his pants and projectile defecated all over the room 
    1. ^(3/23/2017) Here is Trump's TIME interview with all the unverified statements blocked out. Spoiler alert: ████████████ 
96. ^(3/23/2017) The most adorable pics of a toddler getting his first ride in a big rig that you'll see all year 
97. ^(3/23/2017) Russian backed despot issues terroristic demand to U.S. government 
98. ^(3/24/2017) Donald Trump has based his life around an Aldo Nova song 
99. ^(3/24/2017) Lance Wallnau, crazed Storm Trumper pastor, believes his prayer efforts are saving Trump from leaks and witchcraft 
100. ^(3/25/2017) "The businessman president, who sold himself to tens of millions of disillusioned voters last year as the outsider who could tame a broken capital, ended his first confrontation with lawmakers overmatched, outmaneuvered and ultimately empty-handed" 
101. ^(3/26/2017) To celebrate the Trumpcare bill going exactly as planned, President Trump takes a rare break from the White House to get a golf trip in. At a Trump golf club, of course 
102. ^(3/26/2017) Earlier today, Trump went on Twitter to tell his cultish followers to tune in to Fox News and watch Judge Jeanine. Those who did saw her channel her inner Trump and demand Paul Ryan step down as Speaker of the House 
     1. ^(3/26/2017) Priebus: Trump had no idea whatsoever that Judge Pirro was going to say all of those nasty things about Paul Ryan when he urged everyone to watch her show on Saturday 
103. ^(3/26/2017) Trump voters, angered and outraged that the Affordable Care Act was not repealed [which is good for them], blame everyone but the actual source of the failure 
104. ^(3/26/2017) Garrison Keillor believes that the children of privilege like Donald Trump missed out on digging in the dirt when young and are now incomplete human beings because of it 
105. ^(3/26/2017) Conservative media agrees: Trump is not to blame for the Trumpscare failure 
106. ^(3/26/2017) Trump is 'red hot' with rage over healthcare debacle and determined to make disloyal Republicans pay 
107. ^(3/26/2017) Woman thinks the third time has to be the charm but she is again arrested for scaling the White House fence 
108. ^(3/27/2017) Another day, another historically awful Trump approval rating poll 
109. ^(3/28/2017) Someone should explain to Donald Trump that he's the President, and not a Saturday morning cartoon villain 
110. ^(3/28/2017) 'She'll be back. I barely touched her. And it was just the one time with her sister.' 
111. ^(3/28/2017) President Donald Trump: "Trump Russia story is a hoax" 
112. ^(3/28/2017) In Scotland, the popularity of the name Donald has really plummeted. Kinda like when Adolf took a hit back in the forties 
113. ^(3/28/2017) GAO 2 ✔ $$ 4 POTUS 🏰 ✈🌴 & ⛳ trips 
114. ^(3/29/2017) Trump's poll numbers are historically low, but the lemmings who still support him say why stop now - they haven't even reached the cliff yet 
115. ^(3/29/2017) "We don't make mistakes. Go ahead, Ken." "I'm Chuck" 
116. ^(3/29/2017) "Party before country" sinks to unprecedented depths as the GOP largely can't stand Trump but remains painfully and shamefully silent in the face of his trainwreck presidency 
117. ^(3/29/2017) New poll shows deluded Republicans blame the "bad bill" for Trumpscare failure and not Trump 
118. ^(3/29/2017) 'Have you heard of Susan B. Anthony? I'm shocked': Trump stuns women at empowerment event 
119. ^(3/29/2017) Trump: "Remember when the failing @nytimes apologized to its subscribers, right after the election, because their coverage was so wrong?" NY Times: "We did not apologize. We stand by our coverage & thank our millions of subscribers" 
120. ^(3/29/2017) President Trump is better at something than any other other US president before him: being unpopular 
121. ^(3/30/2017) 193 Democrats, 30 Freedom Caucus members. Enough to start impeachment proceedings. Guess who Trump just called out on Twitter 👑
     1. ^(3/30/2017) Freedom Caucus members to Donald Trump: welcome to the swamp, numbnuts 
122. ^(3/30/2017) In his daily Twitter rant, Trump threatens to "change libel laws" to go after the New York Times, a move that, even if he COULD do it , would ironically, be unconstitutional according the Supreme Court's ruling in "New York Times V. Sullivan" 
123. ^(3/30/2017) "The new American government is placing its emphasis on isolation, import barriers and the one-sided assertion of its own interests. If this strategy was right, then North Korea would be an economically powerful land of plenty" 
124. ^(3/30/2017) Thanks to our Great Negotiator, the President of the EU Executive arm threatens to support Ohio and Austin, Texas' call for independence if Trump keeps supporting EU separatist movements 
125. ^(3/30/2017) Trump's $500m "increase" to counter opioid epidemic is actually part of spending already scheduled by Obama administration, he just claimed it as his own. Ta da 
126. ^(3/31/2017) Trump praises Mike Flynn for seeking immunity after watching Fox & Friends. I guess the segment didn't tell Trump who Flynn will be testifying against 
     1. ^(3/31/2017) How to make Trump rage-quit an exec order signing ceremony. Step 1: have CBS' Major Garrett ask a question about Michael Flynn (skip video to 42:30) 
127. ^(3/31/2017) New poll finds one in three voters give Trump a grade of 'F' 

FLOTUS BS

1. "I am a passionate believer in integrating and interpreting nature's elements into our daily lives" Did Melania just come out as a Wiccan?
2. Melania Trump read to some students for National Book Day, and not since the My Pet Goat incident of 2001 has a public political storytime gone so horribly wrong
3. The liberal boycott of Ivanka's clothing line was an outstanding success; best performing weeks in the history of the brand
4. Make Chile Great Again
5. Donald Trump: "We will follow two simple rules: buy American and hire American." Ivanka: What do you mean we?
6. What's that, oh it's nothing, just Jared Kushner's family making $400 million because a huge Chinese company is buying one of their buildings at a wildly inflated price on terms ridiculously favorable to the Kushners, nothing to see here, move along
7. Ivanka celebrates holiday where Jews hung liar who tried to have them killed. Steve Bannon said to be uncomfortable with the idea
8. Slovenia is honoring Melania Trump with her own wine. I thought her favorite wine was, "Ugh, do I have to have sex with you? Can we at least turn the lights off?"
9. Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau invites Ivanka trump to the Broadway premier of "Come From Away"-a musical about a Canadian town that welcomed all the stranded US air travellers (refugees) on 9/11-or that's what they're telling Jared anyway
10. The liberal voice of the Trump administration has had her mouth sewn shut. Thanks, dad
11. Questions on Ivanka Trump products can now be sent to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. -- and that includes classified data too
12. ^(3/23/2017) Donald and Melania Trump sleep in separate bedrooms because of course they do, have you seen them? She's like an 8.5, he's a 3 on a good day 
13. ^(3/24/2017) Ivanka Trump Lives in Washington, Works at the White House, But isn't an Employee Subject to Federal Ethics Rules. Ta da 
14. ^(3/21/2017) Women are spending tens of thousands of dollars on plastic surgery to get the "natural beauty" of Ivanka Trump. That's the joke 
15. ^(3/28/2017) Ivanka Trump's unofficial role and uncertain portfolio is causing confusion and consternation among West Wing Staffers "No one really knows what she does exactly." So, like father like daughter, then? 
16. ^(3/29/2017) Petition circulates demanding Melania Trump move to the White House or she and her husband pay for security out of their own pocket 
17. ^(3/30/2017) After attacking Bill Clinton for his own indiscretions in the White House, new reports suggest Trump may be sleeping with his assistant 
18. ^(3/31/2017) I don't know why people keep criticizing Ivanka. Have you seen her cute little I'm-doing-important-stuff at-the-White-House outfits? And she's smart, don't ya know 

Generalissimo Know-It-All

1. Trump uses dead soldier's widow as a prop in joint address, even though he was most likely responsible for soldier's death. Soldier's father agrees. How about a "shameless" tag on Fark?
2. Rachel Maddow to Hugh Hewitt: Shut the fark up Huey. That's what Trump said
3. Remember how we joked that all Trump needed to look the part of third world despot was the military regalia? Well, he apparently thought it was a neat idea
4. Trump's desire for a military buildup is a solution to a problem that does not exist and it is dangerous, irrational, and a waste of money
5. The buck stops at General Votel
6. Paul Manafort's daughter sends out text message bragging about the people her father had killed
7. Thanks to Trump, the CIA can conduct drone strikes in secret
8. Trump to send 1000 troops to Syria because you can't win wars if you don't fight them
9. The U.S. may have just bombed a mosque in Aleppo during evening prayers. Dozens dead
10. Trump's bold, grand plan for the US Navy lacks one key element: Funding to pay for the skilled workers needed to build said fleet. Also, the skilled workers are nowhere to be found
11. Russia's hostile actions may be due to them panicking over our latest nuclear missiles, which for the first time in history make a preemptive nuclear attack possible. It's a good thing we have someone in charge who won't-oh, god, we're all screwed
12. White House: All VA Hospitals directed to put up portraits of cheetos
13. Trump claims he is holding a big meeting on how to overhaul the VA at Mar-a-Lago because it was "the most convenient place" and "everybody wanted to go there". Also, Donald? Stop trying to make "The Southern White House" happen. It's embarrassing
14. Mideast surge has Pentagon concerned with 'mission creep' resulting from orders from 'commander creep'
15. ^(3/24/2017) Trump campaign accused of aiding the Taliban 
16. ^(3/28/2017) Trump's rocky start in the Middle East. And by "rocky start", we mean "murdering all the civilians" 
17. ^(3/29/2017) NATO Secretary General: Trump's right, you know 

Coward

1. Remember Trump's fawning, gladhanding, insincere meeting with Times people back in November, when he called the paper a "jewel," praised Obama and admitted that maybe global warming was true? Well, they fell for it again
2. Looks like Trump is right, News coverage of him is really, really negative. Even on Fox News. To be fair, there are only so many positive ways one can cover a turd
3. Trump says one thing to journalists and another thing to the public. White House staffers: Uh, we meant to do that
4. Shepard Smith thinks it's hilarious the White House gave Fox News some "anonymous sources" after Trump just criticized the media for using them
5. President Trump's latest attempt to stop the damaging leaks coming from the White House leaks to the press
6. The media is targeting Jeff Sessions because he uncovered the ultra-secret Department of Justice slush fund that Obama and his predecessors used to keep the media in line
7. White House finally responds to growing questions about Wikileaks CIA dump, Trump's wiretap accusation and connections to Russia...by canceling all press events
8. Trump White House delegitimizes anything that gets in the way of its propaganda
9. Refined Gentleman that he is, President Trump lets it be known via the Twitter machine that he is distempered, nay, downright appalled, at the rudeness and lack of civility the uncouth media is displaying towards his designated liars
10. Welcome to Politics 2017 - The Year of the Walk Back
11. FTFA: In what can be described as journalistic malpractice and a gross dereliction of duty, the alt-left radical propaganda press continues to insist there is some nefarious connection between President Trump and Moscow. Evidence? They don't need any
12. "Morning Joe" host Mika Brzezinski looks into camera and says directly to Trump: "It's a very serious allegation. And it questions everything that you're about. And it questions whether we can ever believe you, and whether Americans can believe you"
13. Another day, another GOP survey. You would think that if they wanted to get feedback from voters, they would hold townhalls or something
14. POUTS show how he deals with women leaders by refusing to shake Merkel's hand at photo op - or even look at her
    1. Trump makes hilarious wiretap joke with Merkel to which Merkel responded, I don't understand, I was actually wiretapped while you just made it up. So, how is that funny?
15. Trump treats his staff as horribly as he treats everyone else. Film at 11
16. For SOME reason the US government isn't responding to Ukraine's requests to interview Paul Manafort in connection to a corruption investigation. Gee, I wonder why that is
17. ^(3/31/2017) How to make Trump rage-quit an exec order signing ceremony. Step 1: have CBS' Major Garrett ask a question about Michael Flynn (skip video to 42:30) 

Muslim ban

1. Donald Trump holds off signing the second iteration of the Travel Ban order because he doesn't want to take the courts to court again
2. Trump's new and improved travel ban order is going to exclude Iraq from the list of countries that travel is banned from. You know, Iraq? The country ISIS currently controls about half of? Yeah that place
3. Travel Ban Volume 2 to be released on Monday
4. Handed out with a photo of him signing it, Trump doubles down on Muslim ban
5. Guys, it's not a Muslim ban. We know this because Trump told us. Please don't look at his own website telling us how he wants "a total and complete shutdown of Muslims entering the United States"
6. Gold Star father Khizr Khan: "Guys, I have been persecuted by having my ability to travel put under review by these fascists." People: "Wow, that sounds terrible. Details?" Khan: *waves pocket Constitution, throws smokebomb*
7. Ferguson vs Trump. Round 2, FIGHT
8. Okay folks, I want a unique angle on this Muslim Ban, doesn't matter how stupid. Um... What if we blamed it on Jimmy Carter?
9. "President Donald Trump's revised travel ban executive order suffered its first legal setback Friday as a federal judge blocked the directive's potential impact on the family of a Syrian refugee living in Wisconsin"
10. Meh, we didn't need those Afghans who helped U.S. forces despite risk to life and limb anyways
11. Trump: "My new and improved travel ban is flawless, see you in court liberotardos" Lawyers and judges: "You are really bad at this"
12. Trump's travel ban preventing certain groups from coming into US. Do those groupds groups include A: Al Queda? B: ISIS? or C: The Canadian version of the Girl Scouts?
13. Barring a court ruling, travel ban takes effect at midnight. This IS a repeat
    1. Federal judge to Trump: What part of "you can't have a Muslim travel ban" did you not understand the first time around, dumbass?
    2. Five GOP judges supported the travel ban
    3. Maryland judge likes the cut of Hawaii judge's jib, and issues another ban on Trump's travel ban. So for those playing along at home: The revised ban has been banned and banned again
    4. "How does 'no' sound to you? What, you don't like that word? Better get used to it"
    5. ^(3/30/2017) Hawaii judge decides to change his temporary restraining order on Trump's travel ban to a full blown preliminary injunction 
14. Internal Trump administration data undercuts travel ban. Or, in other words, the Emperor has no clothes
15. The real impact of Trump's "enhanced vetting": No African Citizens Could Attend A Summit On African Trade, Held in California, After Visas Were Denied
16. ^(3/23/2017) "We've hit full-on crazy," laments Baba Yaga, though not because of the Russia scandal but because of judges blocking a racist travel ban 
17. ^(3/24/2017) Judge who blocked Trump's travel ban gets death threats 
18. ^(3/25/2017) Federal judge in Virginia sides with Pres. Trump. Judges will now face one another in a cage match; travel ban status to be determined by two falls, two submissions, or by a knockout Judge Anthony Trenga, United States District Court, Eastern District of Virginia

Refugees

1. Canada expecting record numbers of people to flee the United States and seek asylum. Hardliners demand that the Canadian government deploy their crack bear cavalry and moose chuckers to secure the border
2. Not news: People illegally crossing the border. News: Into Canada. Fark: Not as many as in 2008
3. Not News: Almost half of of those polled want illegal border crossers deported, and are concerned that asylum-seekers of African and Middle Eastern origin will make country less safe. News: Survey taken in Canada about illegal immigration from the US

Immigrants

1. Are you ready to hear the V.O.I.C.E. of America?
   1. Why Trump's VOICE program is drawing comparisons to Nazis. TL;DR: It's literally a Nazi policy
2. Trump administration wants to strip privacy protections from non-U.S. citizens that have been in place for decades
3. Trump points to Canada as a model for U.S. immigration reform. Leave us out of this please
4. Are you a legal immigrant? Do you already hold a green card? Well, according to The Chief White House Strategist, and member of the National Security Council, "Legal immigration is the 'real' problem"
5. Trump says one thing to journalists and another thing to the public. White House staffers: Uh, we meant to do that
6. ICE is now arresting any illegal immigrant who speaks in public as part of a "targeted immigration enforcement action"
7. Everyone: Trump's immigration policy can't possibly get any crueler. White House: Hold our taco bowls
8. Today ICE's crack goon squad made America safer by arresting a man who has lived in this country for more than 20 years, while he was taking his daughter to school, because he had a ten-year old DUI and a busted registration sticker 20 years ago
9. Thanks to Trump's war against immigrants and Obamacare, a lot of poor white trash in red states are going to die horrible, painful deaths from preventable illnesses
10. We're paying for this new travel ban by cutting coastal and air security. I'm sure this makes sense to someone, but that someone shouldn't be anywhere near the reins of power
11. Trump's grandfather once wrote a letter groveling and begging not to be deported
12. Illegal border crossings decrease by 40% in February as Mexico learns what it's like to share a border with a third-world hellhole
13. New report shows immigrants commit fewer crimes than people born in the US. To be fair, some of us, I assume, are good people
14. Turns out the best way to radicalize people is to strip them of their nationality. Not that this administration would know or anything
15. Not News: Almost half of of those polled want illegal border crossers deported, and are concerned that asylum-seekers of African and Middle Eastern origin will make country less safe. News: Survey taken in Canada about illegal immigration from the US
16. Homeland Security publishes list of 118 terrorist occupied cities. Bombing begins in five minutes
17. ^(3/23/2017) Trump voter shocked her not-legal immigrant husband will be deported tomorrow, despite being one of the "good" ones and owner of the popular Eddie's Steak Shed restaurant 
18. ^(3/23/2017) Walking piece of garbage and noted hypocrite Jason Chaffetz (R-UT) proposes using facial recognition software to track illegal immigrants 
19. ^(3/26/2017) The North Carolina Grower's Association is required to advertise farm labor positions to U.S. workers before bringing in immigrants. Of the 6,500 positions offered, 7 red-blooded Americans accepted 
20. ^(3/29/2017) Auschwitz survivor tells US immigration officials that history is 'not on their side.' So ya know, we've got that going for us the man's name is Bernard Marks
21. ^(3/30/2017) Hate muppet Pat Robertson claims God used Trump to "spare us from the chaos of Muslim immigration" 

Sanctuary Cities

1. Homeland Security publishes list of 118 terrorist occupied cities. Bombing begins in five minutes

FBI-led Russia-Trump Investigation

1. 1. Former Nixon White House Counsel John Dean: The actions of the Trump White House in response to the Russia story seem AWFULLY familiar to me...wait, don't tell me, it'll come to me any second
2. Monday's hearing "debunked" Trump's wiretapping tweets, but left his underlying claim intact: that there was surveillance of the Trump campaign; that the results were shared throughout the government - even possibly reaching the Obama White House
3. So, it turns out the FBI really DID have a wiretap at Trump Tower to spy on Russians, but it was from 2011-2013, and its target was the Russian mobsters running a massive money laundering operation out of their apartment there
   1. Whether it's residents in his Trump-branded buildings, or his business associates or investors in his projects, Trump is tied up with not just Russians, but in many cases Russians tied to the criminal underworld and money laundering
4. The internet is forever, and things you post can come back to haunt you later. Isn't that right, Mrs. Kellyanne "Ha, ha, you're being investigated by the FBI" Conway?
5. "The FBI probe into Trump and Russia is huge news. Our political system isn't ready for it"

Connections to Russians

1. How Russia weaponizes fake news. And no, it doesn't involve dropping Steve Bannon on you from a MiG-29
2. Hey, here's a question: Why has a Russian oligarch known as "The Fertilizer King" been following Trump around the country? Is it for the steady supply of cheap and plentiful bullshiat? Or is it something more sinister...?
   1. Russian oligarch who purchased Trump's Palm Beach mansion for way above market price, admits his plane and Trump's shared a tarmac in North Carolina days before the election, but totally did not meet or anything, trust him
   2. Trump claims that he has never met a man who paid him $95 million. Which I totally understand, I've never met a man who'd pay me $95 million either
3. Sessions: I never met with the Russians. Okay, I met with the Russian ambassador twice. Did I say twice? Sorry, I meant three times. My bad
4. Nothing to see here -- just Trump associates directly communicating with Russian hackers mere weeks before the DNC was hacked
5. Rep. Maxine Waters: "We know" Trump sex blackmail is "absolutely true." Which is such a coincidence because Max Waters was the name of one of his Russian prostitutes
6. AG Sessions: "Khorosho, ya sdelayu vse, chto vozmozhno, chtoby vosstanovit' nezavisimost' i professionalizm Ministerstva yustitsii"
7. Trump Campaign Knew
8. Paul Manafort's protégé? Russian collaborator
9. White House finally responds to growing questions about Wikileaks CIA dump, Trump's wiretap accusation and connections to Russia...by canceling all press events
10. White House spokesperson: Trump doesn't know a damn thing
    1. The master of understatement Shepard Smith finally snaps on the latest Michael Flynn collusion revelations, barks "There's been a lot of lying." It's just some light treason, right?
11. FBI continues investigating the "odd" cyber link between a Russian bank and Trump's corporate holdings
12. All of Trump's ties to Russia laid out in one easy char- Really? Seven? We need THAT Many? OK, fine: All of Trump's ties to Russia laid out in SEVEN, actually fairly complicated charts
13. They've placed enough sonar buoys so that a man could walk from Scotland to Iceland to Greenland without getting his feet wet
14. John McCain predicts there are "more shoes to drop" over Russiaghazi
15. Top level Publican fixer, Roger Stone, only had "banal" chats with Guccifer 2.0, the Russian hacker elite. They discussed the weather and Knicks prospects. Yeah, and Subby is just using the giggity tag because there is no Patriot tag
16. All power to deflector shields
17. Spicer will finally reveal the wiretapping evidence against Obama- or implode. (Live at 1ish EST)
18. FTFA: In what can be described as journalistic malpractice and a gross dereliction of duty, the alt-left radical propaganda press continues to insist there is some nefarious connection between President Trump and Moscow. Evidence? They don't need any
19. Lindsey Graham vows to "find out all things Russian" and has put Trump right in his crosshairs
20. James Comey to officially reveal if FBI is investigating Trump's ties to Russia during presidential election
21. RT thought Michael Flynn was worth paying $45K to speak in Moscow. This means something, right?
    1. If you're gonna sell out your country to the Russians, at least do it for more than a lousy $68k
22. In what may be an emerging pattern, another Russian spy ship is spotted off the coast of the US
23. For SOME reason the US government isn't responding to Ukraine's requests to interview Paul Manafort in connection to a corruption investigation. Gee, I wonder why that is
24. No longer even trying to hide it
    1. Former judge Napolitano now former employee of Fox
25. Russian parliament to investigate interference in the country's politics by U.S. media. That's the joke
26. Trump allies Roger Stone and Paul Manafort both wanted for questioning in Russia investigations
    1. ^(3/24/2017) After CNN reports that Trump aides are being investigated by the FBI for collusion with Russia, Roger Stone sends a ranting letter saying he was defamed and will "spank" his accusers "like little children". Difficulty: he wasn't named in the report 
27. Kellyanne's husband picked to lead the civil division of the DOJ. Fun fact that certainly won't come back to haunt him? He was part of the legal team for Paula Jones that established you can sue sitting U.S. presidents
28. "Circumstantial evidence" regarding collusion between Russia and Trump campaign. The seven or so Trump surrogates who had many meetings with Russians not withstanding
    1. Trump: Russia story is 'FAKE NEWS and everyone knows it'
    2. Will Comey reveal that Trump is a puppet? Will the pee tape come to light? Will Trump demand Comey's head after the hearing? THIS is your House Intelligence Committee Hearing on Russia-gate thread (hearing starts at 10 AM EDT on C-SPAN)
       1. Comey confirms the FBI is investigating Trump team for Russia connections they can sweep under the rug
       2. James Comey answers the least suspenseful question in recorded history
          1. Pro tip: Wait until the hearing is over before you mischaracterize someone's congressional testimony, Mr. President, or you run the risk of being corrected in real-time
       3. Rep Trey Gowdy attempts a high profile "But what about..." during the Comey hearing, but doesn't quite stick the landing
       4. Pretty much, the only way today could have gone worse for Trump is if PornHub added a "presidential watersports" category to their search engine or Melania was revealed as a victim of "the Fappening 2.0"
       5. White House continues to defend wiretapping claim despite today's contrary statements from "so-called FBI Director" Comey
29. "Is Russiagate just a conspiracy theory?" If the headline ends in a question
30. Tillerson to skip parent-teacher conference in lieu of hanging out with his best friend during school hours
31. For all their denunciations of 'fake news,' the Trump administration has become a leading purveyor of it, and most of that seems to come to them via Moscow
32. Minor unpaid Trump volunteer Paul Manafort was paid millions to push pro-Putin policy in US and Europe for the last decade
33. House Intelligence Committee Democrat Adam Schiff calls for independent investigation after Chairperson Devin Nunes decides to throw protocol out the window and brief the President that shiat is hitting the fan faster than anyone expected *DUN DUN*
    1. ^(3/24/2017) Devin Nunes tries to justify his betrayal of principles and duty by stating he had an "obligation" to run and tell Trump he was f*cked 
    2. ^(3/24/2017) Rep. Nunes realizes he's farked one way or the other, backs off his claims. If you remember they were "yes, Donald Trump was wiretapped." "No, Donald Trump wasn't wiretapped" and "Maaaaaaybe?? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯" Tune in to find out which excuse won 
    3. ^(3/24/2017) For no apparent reason, the Republican Intelligence Committee Chair decided to cancel the public hearing on the panels investigation of Trump and possible collusion with Russia 
    4. ^(3/25/2017) The conspiracy thickens as it's revealed House Intelligence Chair Devin Nunes went on a dead of night excursion and vanished from view the night prior to revealing the full details of the Intel revelations on Trump 
    5. ^(3/26/2017) Suitcases full of unmarked bills are out. These days you just have dirty politicians invest in a bit of real property or a brand and then flip that brand for a thousand times its worth while forcing distribution through an oligarch-controlled market Nunes’ heavily invested in company with ties to Russia
    6. ^(3/29/2017) You have to hand it to House Republicans, they are steadfastly refusing to throw Devin Nunes under the bus, instead they've decided they will ALL climb under the bus together and show those wheels who's boss 
    7. ^(3/29/2017) The evidence is now clear that the White House and Devin Nunes, the chairman of the House Intelligence Committee, have worked together to halt the Russia Investigation 
    8. ^(3/29/2017) Devin Nunes explains that he wouldn't be totally cocking up this whole Russian investigation if the Democrats weren't forcing him to do a really bad job and also to betray his responsibility by being Trump's bootlicking toadie. See? The Dems did it 
34. The bad poetry of Donald Trump
35. Paul Manafort Drafted a Plan in 2005 to Influence American and European Politics for Putin's Benefit, which incidentally is how we ended up with Trump as President
    1. Trump: Manawho? Never heard of him
36. A lot of smoke so far, here's some actual fire: US officials say Trump campaign coordinated with the Russians
37. Vadim Trincher
    model tenant, Trump Tower
    1. The Trump Tower...you'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy
38. Rick Gates
    1. ^(3/23/2017) "Paul Manafort may be 'gone' but his business associate, Rick Gates, is still deep within the Trump operation." Wait, who the hell is Rick Gates? Goddammit, the Washington Post needs to hand out scorecards so we know who's who in this saga 
39. ^(3/23/2017) Carl Bernstein says the GOP won't investigate Trump's Russia collusion as "There's a cover-up going on here." And if anyone knows about a conspiracy and cover-up, it's Carl Bernstein 
40. ^(3/23/2017) Rep. Quigley (D-Down Under) becomes second intel committee member to confirm more-than-circumstantial evidence of Trump-Russia collusion during the '16 campaign 
41. ^(3/24/2017) RNC admits paying "security firm" to spy on Clinton during campaign. Let's just check the roster: ex-CIA, ex-CIA, ex-KGB, regularly performs espionage work on Americans for Russian companies...eh, is just coincidence, America comrade friend 
42. ^(3/24/2017) Goodbye, Donald 
    1. ^(3/24/2017) Could this be the timeline that breaks the whole Russia issue wide open? Knowing is half the battle 
43. ^(3/24/2017) Trump campaign accused of aiding the Taliban 
44. ^(3/24/2017) Former Trump campaign hanger-on Paul Manafort offers to perjure himself in front of the House Intelligence Committee 
45. ^(3/24/2017) Cummings and Chaffetz request Michael Flynn documents from White Hous-Oh shucks, seems they all fell into one of the several fireplaces in the White House. Wet floors will do that, ya know 
46. ^(3/24/2017) Hey, remember Rudy Giuliani? His comments about Russia hacks and whatnot? Whatever happened to him? 
47. ^(3/24/2017) Carter, Stone, and Page all offer to testify. Oh and Comey showed up the the WH just now and no one knows why 
48. ^(3/24/2017) Congressman: You know, it might be a good idea to pause the President's legislative agenda until the investigation into his possible collusion with the Russian government is complete 
49. ^(3/25/2017) NBC's Andrea Mitchell: White House officials are "purging their cell phones" in expectation of getting subpoenaed 
50. ^(3/25/2017) CNN analyst says the FBI has flipped Michael Flynn in a deal to implicate others in the Trump administration for colluding with Russia 
51. ^(3/26/2017) Trump's supermarket mouthpiece, The National Enquirer, has branded disgraced General Michael Flynn a Russian Spy. The End Is Nigh 
52. ^(3/28/2017) That Russian bag man? He went to Jared 
53. ^(3/28/2017) President Donald Trump: "Trump Russia story is a hoax" 
54. ^(3/28/2017) What's this? Oh nothing, just a letter from the Justice Department trying to use the presidential communication privilege to block former Attorney General Sally Yates from testifying before the House Intelligence Committee about Trump-Russia ties 
    1. ^(3/28/2017) Spicer says it's 100% false that the White House tried to stop Yates from testifying, which means they TOTALLY tried to do that 
55. ^(3/28/2017) Nunes: How can a blind man be a lookout? Graham: How can an idiot be the House Intelligence Committee Chairman? Nunes: ___ 
    1. ^(3/28/2017) Nunes: I have investigated myself and found no wrong-doing 
56. ^(3/28/2017) Rep. Eric Swalwall: This is what the cover-up to a crime looks like, especially when the perpetrators are named Moe, Larry, and Curly 
57. ^(3/28/2017) The company that Nunes lists as his single largest personal investment has suddenly scrubbed all references to doing business in Russia, claiming it was a one-off deal in 2013. The Russian distributor says they still are doing business to this day Alpha Omega Winery
58. ^(3/28/2017) Russian bank: Oh f*ck yes, we met with Jared. It was glorious 
59. ^(3/29/2017) Evan McMullin: I entered the 2016 Presidential Race because I knew secrets about Donald Trump's ties to Russia that have yet to be revealed 
60. ^(3/29/2017) Why the FBI cannot expose the Trump/Russian collusion 
61. ^(3/29/2017) Comey tried to warn us 

Russian Economic Sanctions

1. Well that didn't take long, Trump administration goes from defending Sessions as a victim of a partisan witch hunt to "hey, we didn't know he met with Russians until we turned on the TV this morning". Oh, Beauregard, we hardly knew ye
2. Trump campaign: We had nothing to do with altering the RNC platform to effectively cede Ukraine to Russia. Reality: The platform was altered by a campaign staffer on orders from Trump himself
3. Trump surrogates peek out into the light, admit that maybe they talked to some Russians once for 5 minutes about nothing in particular and it's nothing to worry about and they're sorry they forgot to mention it
4. After every Trump revelation, the following 13 step formula is followed, rinsed and repeated
5. "Follow the money." This is not a repeat from Watergate, Iran-Contra, Whitewater, nor the pickup line Drew told the hooker last week
6. By acting like a paranoid crybaby, Donald Trump has inadvertently destroyed the narrative that Russia hacked our presidential election
7. ^(3/24/2017) Aspiring jackboot Marine Le Pen to meet with Trump campaign officials to raise funds and discuss lifting Russian sanctions 

Russian Hackers

1. Not only is the source of Trump being tapped being hacked, but now maybe she's being tapped or attacked for revealing that Russians hackers planted false Hillary mail on Weiner's laptop.Or something. It's not all that clear what's going on. Go figure
2. Wikileaks is publishing all of Donald's secrets. Wait, it's only 1000s of CIA documents? That's not the same thing? But he's the President. Damn you Obama
   1. So the CIA stole Russian hacking software to make it look like the Russians were hacking people when it was really the CIA. So was the CIA the real DNC email hacker?
   2. There's only one common theme in the WikiLeaks and Snowden scandal: Russia always stands to gain
   3. Sen. Murphy says what many of us are thinking, Wikileaks timing for releasing this info on the CIA is suspiciously timed, almost as if they were trying to deflect attention from something else, but what could that be?
3. Apparently Republicans have become Russia's b*tches
4. But all of that aside, 'satanic child murdering cabal' sounds like an awesome name for a punk rock band
5. Russian spies offer to help tech companies overcome American spies
6. President Trump: brought to you by the same people who unleashed knock-off fart apps on the world

Russian interference in 2016 U.S. election

1. The fact that the Top Republican on the House Intelligence Committee which has been charged with looking into Russia's interference in the election was also a member of Trump's transition team should in no way cast doubt on the panel's work
2. ^(3/29/2017) New poll finds 40% of respondents believe Russia interfered with election to help Trump win. In other news, 60% of respondents believe they'll be sent to Siberia if they say 'yes' 

Calls for Special Commission

1. ^(3/29/2017) Apparently Carly is more than just a wee bit miffed that nobody on the Trump transition team would return her calls 

Inquery by Senate Intelligence Committee

1. ^(3/29/2017) Senate intelligence leaders say starting tomorrow 20 people will be questioned to finally get to the bottom of what influence Russia had over the Clintons during the 2016 election 

ACA

1. Thanks to Trump's war against immigrants and Obamacare, a lot of poor white trash in red states are going to die horrible, painful deaths from preventable illnesses
2. Trump approves of RINObamacare 2.0, setting the stage for a Derpstitutional Crisis
3. This timeline of how Trumpcare went from fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies to putrid shiatbiscuits in just 24 hours is a perfect example of how the Trump administration is running like a well-oiled Charlie Sheen
   1. Nothing like a sitting president threatening a bloodbath if his health care bill doesn't pass
   2. It looks like the most effective way to save Obamacare is simply to label whatever awful "replacement" the GOP comes up with as "Trumpcare" and sit back and let the Narcissist-in Chief do all the heavy lifting to kill it
   3. Is Obamacare really failing?
4. Rand Paul introduces simple bill to full repeal Obamacare titled "Popcorn Dot Gif Act of 2017"
5. Much like the average Farker trying to give up drinking, Republicans are finding it hard to give up obstructionism after their 8 year long addiction
6. The bar has now been set for "stupidest thing said during the Obamacare repeal debate". " Rep Jason Smith (Slow-MO) decrying Obamacare's tax on tanning beds, If Democrats are concerned about dskin cancer "Why haven't they put a tax on the sun instead?"
7. Congressman Burgess (Я-TX) is willing to lose job by causing Americans to lose health insurance
8. WTF in Chief Donald Trump warns republicans that by repealing Obamacare they are "putting themselves in a very bad position"
9. ^(3/23/2017) Russian backed despot issues terroristic demand to U.S. government 
10. ^(3/24/2017) They don't have the votes 
11. ^(3/27/2017) How the rightwing media saved Obamacare. Wait, what? 

TrumpCare

1. World's Greatest Healthcare Plan of 2017. No, really, that`s what it's actually called
   1. President Trump: Our wonderful new Healthcare Bill is now out for review and negotiation. Kellyanne Conway: TrumpCare? Oh, hell to the no
      1. Please call the atrocious Republican healthcare plan "Trumpcare". Because the White House doesn't want you to call it that
   2. The big Trumpcare question: "Can I keep my doctor?" HA HA HA HA HA. NO
   3. The Uber-conservative National Review "If you want to see political malpractice in action, you don't have to read Donald Trump's latest tweet - just look at the mess Republicans have made of replacing Obamacare"
   4. Trump tries, fails to be Presidential. This is not a repeat from every hour of every day for the past 47 days
   5. President Trump (R) in January:"There will be health insurance for everybody. Much less expensive than Obamacare and much better." White House Budget Director Mulvaney (R) in March:"Insurance for ordinary people is not really the end goal"
   6. Breitbart, Steve Bannon's own personal public relations arm, thinks the GOP's ACA replacement is terrible
   7. Everyone can relax now, the GOP is not replacing Obamacare completely, just the parts that actually work
   8. GOP ObamaCare replacement at least has a critical tax break for corporate executives struggling to pay their bribes to lobbyists
   9. When Republicans are unable to come together and get their own healthcare reform passed, Trump has a simple solution lined up: Blame the Democrats
   10. Fox News slams GOP health care reform plan. Yes, THAT Fox News
   11. For some reason Paul Ryan is acting like your boring poli sci teacher explaining obamacare repeal
   12. "Tehran Tom" Cotton wants a do-over on Trumpcare
2. Man: "I've yet to read anything positive about this healthcare bill". Woman: "Try going 2 a conservative source and open up your reading habits". Man: "I'm the editor of National Review Online"
3. Hey, wait a second. Why AREN'T the insurance companies screaming bloody murder about the potential destruction of the individual insurance market?
4. Brookings Institute:"At least 15 million will lose their coverage under the American Health Care Act." Congressional Republicans:"We don't like your negative analysis so we'll make our own. With some spreadsheets or whatever"
5. Paul Ryan; "Trump will never win a beauty contest." Wait, what? Oh, Trumpcare will never win a beauty contest. Coulda went either way
6. Sarah Palin (yeah, her) actually manages to veer close to a couple of salient points before the wheels inevitably fly off
7. Even the American Medical Association is calling the GOP out on their bullsh*t
8. Trump voters to be hardest hit by Trump's health care plan. Clinton voters still set to suffer debilitating cases of schadenfreude
9. Even Breitbart thinks that Tom Price's comments that "everyone will be covered" under Trumpscare was the lie of the year
10. John Oliver really, really hates Trumpcare and everything the GOP is trying to do with the ACA, so he is again trying to reach Trump by purchasing airtime on Fox & Friends and airing another commercial targeting the DC audience
11. CBO will release their score for Trumpcare at 4 PM, to be followed by Presidential toilet rant on twitter at 5 AM
    1. CBO estimates 14 million people losing health insurance if American Health Act is passed
    2. CBO projects iPhone sales to drop by 14M in 2018, accelerate to over 24 million by 2026
    3. NBC Reporter: "Can we trust that what the President says is real?" Bullshiat Spice: "If he's not joking, of course"
    4. Newt licks himself some Trump butt. Mmm, that's good Trump butt
    5. Trump White House on CBO report on Trumpcare: unbelievable, fake news. Our own analysis shows that by 2026 twice as many Americans will lose health insurance as the CBO report. So there
    6. If you hated Obamacare because your premiums went up too much, just wait until you try the new and improved 750% hike in Trumpcare
    7. Sean Spicer seemed shocked to hear Jim Acosta say poor people existed; he just thought it was a myth like Star Wars or Hillary Clinton having people murdered
    8. Sean Spicer seemed shocked to hear Jim Acosta say poor people existed; he just thought it was a myth like Star Wars or Hillary Clinton having people murdered
    9. CBO report suggests TrumpCare may be responsible for thousands of unplanned births. Man, I keep hearing he's screwing us, but I didn't take it literally
    10. ^(3/23/2017) CBO just released scoring for amended Trumpcare bill. HOLY FARK: 52 million uninsured, and premiums would skyrocket. LGT PDF 
12. Breitbart begins sharpening some very long knives
    1. Microwave catches Paul Ryan throwing Trump under the bus
13. Trump voter logic: "It pisses me off, but my wife pisses me off too"
14. As their Obamacare replacement cuts off funds for Planned Parenthood, Republicans want to reassure women that other clinics will step up to provide their low-cost breast exams, contraception and cancer screenings. Let's see how that worked in TX
15. Paul Ryan would like to remind all Americans that Trump had his tiny hands all over the crafting of the GOP's healthcare legislation
16. Trump's agenda hinges on the fate of Trumpscare
17. GOP is scrambling to re-write their healthcare bill after the CBO estimates show just how much it will piss off their voting base of old white people
18. Republicans should just blow up the entire healthcare system. Wait, I thought they were already doing that
19. Cognitive dissonance sadly not covered by the ACA. Thanks, Obama
20. 1) Don't get sick. 2) If you do get sick, die quickly
21. With his so-called healthcare bill imploding, Paul Ryan does the only thing he can do - schedule a final vote on it for next week
22. HHS Sec. Tom Price says that benchmark for healthcare should be care, not insurance coverage. Aight we can all agree on that? Now let's hear how Trump/GOP plans to provide said care... oh laissez-faire mmmkay that worked magnificently the last time
23. Tom Price tells CNN that Trump's promise of universal health coverage is right behind the ACA repeal and passage of the Blood God Budget. The specifics are secret. Trust him
24. Ryan goes all in on Don'tCare
25. Rand Paul predicts that Trumpcare will pass, fail completely, and only then after the complete collapse of the healthcare system will any real negotiations towards healthcare reform begin
26. Trump threatens Republicans to support TrumpCare or lose their seats. Or possibly grab them by it, one of the two
    1. Bullshiat Spice: Come on guys, obviously the President was having some fun with recalcitrant GOP members who refuse to back Health Care bill, he wasn't actually threatening them...no, really. Trust him
    2. What's it like to have Trump grab you by the pussy?
    3. "If they vote against [Trumpcare] they could face the wrath of a vengeful and combative president. If they vote for it, they risk retribution from the Koch [bros.] and other powerful right-wing players whose money can be pivotal in re-election races"
27. Republican Senator thinks that maybe, possibly, Republican voters might get mad at them for passing a bill that doesn't do anything remotely close to what they've been promising for 7 years
28. President Trump's stellar negotiation tactics have caused three wavering Republican lawmakers to firm up their stance on the ACA repeal-and-replace bill: they came out against it
29. 2009 GOP: Democrats adding incentives to the ACA bill in exchange for votes is pure evil. 2017 GOP: Hey NY delegation, what'll it take to buy your votes for our bill?
30. Let's check in with some actual healthcare providers and see what they think about Paul Ryan's Trumpcare powerpoint.... oh. Oh my
31. GOP: We can't vote for Trumpcare. It's terrible. Trump: What if we fix it so states can require Medicaid recipients to work to get Medicaid? GOP: ...Go on
32. ^(3/23/2017) Trump and pals just rewrote the Trumpcare bill to appease the right-wingers and you'll never guess what happened to the support from the moderates 
33. ^(3/23/2017) Despite overnight scrambling, as of this morning, Republican House "no" vote counts on Obamacare repeal sit at 36, well above the 22 vote threshold needed to kill the bill 
34. ^(3/23/2017) TrumpCare is so full of win, only 17% of voters approve of it -- including a paltry 41% of Republicans 
35. ^(3/23/2017) We're going to vote today to throw 24 million Americans off healthcare. Why don't we just go ahead and arrest 54 disabled people in wheelchairs protesting while we're at it? That ought to generate some favorable press 
    1. ^(3/23/2017) Republicans delay Trumpcare vote after failing to garner enough votes for passage 
    2. ^(3/23/2017) Russian backed despot issues terroristic demand to U.S. government 
36. ^(3/24/2017) Toddler-in-Chief getting tired of boring doctor stuff; wishes he was doing something fun instead, like giving his billionaire buddies some cool tax cuts 
37. ^(3/24/2017) Donald Trump is taking on The Freedom Caucus. Whoever wins, we lose 👑
38. ^(3/24/2017) The healthcare vote hasn't even happened yet and already Republicans are accusing each other of epic blunders, drinking fetus smoothies, and loving communism 
39. ^(3/24/2017) What are the thirteen percent of women who support Trumpscare thinking? 
40. ^(3/24/2017) And just when it looked like all hope was lost for Obamacare, twin roosters tails of dust were spotted on the horizon accompanied by the throaty roar of a Trans-Am's engine going full out 
41. ^(3/24/2017) Old and busted: "We have to pass the bill so that you can find out what is in it." New hotness: "Once we get it done, we can have the chance to really explain it" 
42. ^(3/24/2017) Yesterday's ACA vote was delayed after threats. Will Trump's cunning stunt pay off, or will he be handed a bipartisan defeat? It's do-or-die for American Health Care as the House votes on Trumpscare. Vote Cancelled Live thread
43. ^(3/24/2017) Trumpcare debate and vote at 3:30 EST. Watch it become Failcare Live thread
44. ^(3/24/2017) Trump comes out with withdrawal method for GOP package 
45. ^(3/24/2017) Sometimes you drain the swamp, sometimes the swamp drains you 

TrumpCare Failure

1. ^(3/25/2017) "The businessman president, who sold himself to tens of millions of disillusioned voters last year as the outsider who could tame a broken capital, ended his first confrontation with lawmakers overmatched, outmaneuvered and ultimately empty-handed" 
   1. ^(3/25/2017) Derpbert says that by suffering a crushing, embarrassing defeat on health care, Trump actually won and is actually stronger than ever. He would explain how, but it would require charts, graphs, and an abacus. And really, who has time? 
   2. ^(3/26/2017) Pence says, don't worry people of West Virginia, the scourge of public insurance will be gone with nothing good to replace it because I'm a Republican. Oops, did I say that out loud? 
   3. ^(3/26/2017) Trump voters, angered and outraged that the Affordable Care Act was not repealed [which is good for them], blame everyone but the actual source of the failure 
   4. ^(3/26/2017) Conservative media agrees: Trump is not to blame for the Trumpscare failure 
2. ^(3/25/2017) "The GOP was counting on wiping out nearly $1 trillion in Obamacare taxes to help finance the sweeping tax cuts they've got planned for their next legislative act. And now it's unclear where all that money will come from." Fark needs a "ha-ha" tag ✂
3. ^(3/25/2017) Paul Ryan: We've spent so much time being the party of "no" that we've forgotten how to govern 
   1. ^(3/26/2017) Steve Bannon has lost control of the classroom 
   2. ^(3/26/2017) Earlier today, Trump went on Twitter to tell his cultish followers to tune in to Fox News and watch Judge Jeanine. Those who did saw her channel her inner Trump and demand Paul Ryan step down as Speaker of the House 
      1. ^(3/26/2017) Priebus: Trump had no idea whatsoever that Judge Pirro was going to say all of those nasty things about Paul Ryan when he urged everyone to watch her show on Saturday 
4. ^(3/25/2017) Who run Congresstown? Who... run... Congresstown? Freedom Caucus runs Congresstown. FREEDOM CAUCUS RUNS CONGRESSTOWN 
   1. ^(3/26/2017) "Mr. President, we need to figure out how to win back the Freedom Caucus." "I know, I'll link them to the evil Dumbocrats, so my followers will all turn on them." "Umm...brilliant idea, Mr. President" 
   2. ^(3/26/2017) Trump is 'red hot' with rage over healthcare debacle and determined to make disloyal Republicans pay 
5. ^(3/27/2017) Every tough vote is going to suffer the same fate as Trumpcare, because even in a sleazy town like DC, the only currency in a tough vote is trust. And literally nobody trusts Trump 
6. ^(3/29/2017) New poll shows deluded Republicans blame the "bad bill" for Trumpscare failure and not Trump 
7. ^(3/31/2017) Asshole sides with taint against dick 

Zombie Trumpcare

1. ^(3/29/2017) Trump and GOP last week: "We have no healthcare Plan B, if this fails, that's it." This week: "We totally have like 50 Plan Bs and we're very determined to kill as many of you people as possible" 
2. ^(3/30/2017) Paul Ryan refuses to work with Democrats on health-care legislation, a fact that will not in any way prevent him from blaming them when it doesn't pass 
   1. ^(3/30/2017) Some Republicans upset that Ryan accidentally said in public that they shouldn't work with Democrats at all 

Public Health

1. ^(3/29/2017) Sure, let's MAGA by cutting the NIH. What could possibly go wrong? 
2. ^(3/29/2017) Bird flu is deadly, so President Trump wants to defund the best way to fight it 

Physical Health of the President

For threads concerning mental health, please click here

1. CEO of Campari wants to see what would happen if we got President Trump mind-bendingly drunk: "I think a Negroni would do him very good." Thus began WWIII
2. Remember back when Republicans were concerned about the president taking too many vacations? Good times, those were....GOOOOD times
3. Trump is planning on cutting the NWS, EPA, Medicare and Medicaid, but you can bet your tax dollars he's going back to Mar-a-Lago this weekend
4. Paul Ryan would like to remind all Americans that Trump had his tiny hands all over the crafting of the GOP's healthcare legislation
5. Trump's agenda hinges on the fate of Trumpscare
6. GOP is scrambling to re-write their healthcare bill after the CBO estimates show just how much it will piss off their voting base of old white people
7. Republicans should just blow up the entire healthcare system. Wait, I thought they were already doing that
8. Trumpcare raids Medicare to enrich the wealthy and plant a bomb meant to destroy it forever. America First, indeed
9. A bunch of GOP senators are rooting for Republican healthcare efforts to fail because they don't want to get blamed for killing millions of people
10. Trump's response when Fox News' Tucker Carlson confronts him on the devastating impact repealing Obamacare will have on those who voted for him: "Oh, I know"
11. Trump claims he is holding a big meeting on how to overhaul the VA at Mar-a-Lago because it was "the most convenient place" and "everybody wanted to go there". Also, Donald? Stop trying to make "The Southern White House" happen. It's embarrassing
    1. This weekend, you paid Trump the approximate cost of 500,000 Meals on Wheels for a "Veterans Affairs meeting" in Mar-a-Lago. Only it seems he forgot to bring the VA secretary. Or even to schedule the meeting
12. Even the Daily Caller is calling out Trump: Remember when you used to be against a President spending time in the golf course? We do
13. Your SpicerFact for 3/20/17: Trump golfing is better than Obama golfing because Trump uses golf to solve the world's problems
14. Trump threatens Republicans to support TrumpCare or lose their seats. Or possibly grab them by it, one of the two
15. Another aspect of traditional presidentin' that Trump sucks at: he is the first president in well over 100 years that does not have a pet
16. Secret Service needs an additional 5,424,954 Meals on Wheels to protect President Trump's family and private home
17. ^(3/26/2017) To celebrate the Trumpcare bill going exactly as planned, President Trump takes a rare break from the White House to get a golf trip in. At a Trump golf club, of course 
18. ^(3/27/2017) Photos posted online prove Trump was golfing, and not at the White House, as his staff claimed to the public -- for the second week in a row 
    1. ^(3/27/2017) Fox News mocked for running NEWS ALERT that Trump spent all weekend working at the White House when, in fact, he was golfing 
19. ^(3/28/2017) Good thing people like Russian oligarchs don't visit Trump and associates at Mar-a-Lago. I mean, imagine if there were visitor logs and records of those visits? Boy, would it look bad if they were on there, ya know? 
20. ^(3/28/2017) GAO 2 ✔ $$ 4 POTUS 🏰 ✈🌴 & ⛳ trips 

Finding Jesus

Thou Shall Have No Other Gods Before Me

1. The breakthrough of the 2016 election lies in the fact that the religious right, in its support for a thrice-married, self-confessed sexual predator, finally dispensed with the fiction that it was concerned about abortion or 'family values'
   1. ^(3/24/2017) Lance Wallnau, crazed Storm Trumper pastor, believes his prayer efforts are saving Trump from leaks and witchcraft 
   2. ^(3/26/2017) Having successfully turned him into a Cheeto, witches now working on turning Trump into a newt 

The Lord is My Shepherd

1. God is shielding Trump from witchcraft and sorcery. basically Jeff Sessions is now reactor shielding. so he's got that going for him. which is nice

Judge Not Lest Ye Be Judged

1. Prominent evangelical pastor with an actual moral compass is opposed to Trump and the preachers who worship him, so naturally he's about to get kicked out of his leadership postion

Matthew 25:40

1. ^(3/27/2017) How can you possibly be a Christian, particularly a minister and still support the GOP in light of Matthew 25:40 ("whatever you do to the least of these you do also to me")? Simple: claim Jesus was only talking about taking care of ministers, not poors 
   1. ^(3/28/2017) Liberals want you to think they are compassionate, but really, they aren't. When they spend a dollar to feed a poor person, they stole that dollar from someone else. So you see, starving to death is the same thing as taxes, so vote Republican 

Ye Shall Know Them By Their Fruits

1. ^(3/30/2017) Hate muppet Pat Robertson claims God used Trump to "spare us from the chaos of Muslim immigration" 

If A Man Will Not Work, He Shall Not Eat

1. ^(3/31/2017) GOP lawmaker: the Bible says the unemployed shall not eat 

Muslin Usurper

1. Obama's old friend Eric Holder says that no, Obama is not organizing the opposition to Trump...but if Trump keeps this up, Obama might be, very soon
2. Valerie Jarrett has moved in with the Obamas. So that's how it is in their family
3. Barack Obama's politically active post-presidency isn't normal, or good
4. 122 "vicious" Gitmo detainees released by Obama have gone back to terrorism, tweets the Trump. Give or take 113 who were released by George W. Bush
5. Obama is "engaging with domestic terrorists" to take down Trump. Wait, domestic terrorists typically support Trump
6. Something is straining the relationship between President Trump and President Obama. They used to be BFFs; I'm not sure what happened
7. New York Times wants you to forget one of their narratives. Forget, forget, deep breath now, forget. Please standby to naively accept the next installment
8. GOP Congressman claims Obama stayed in DC to run "shadow" govt. We get it, he's black
9. Obama books to be published worldwide. First title, "The Last Sane President", is due out in June
10. SHOCKING CONFESSION: In his own words, Obama admits to wiretapping Trump
11. Right wing journalists ask the hard questions, like "Why is President Obama spending time in Hawaii?" Because it's not like he's from there or anything
    1. Reporter quits over Obama conspiracy theory story published by his employer

We Get It He's Black

1. GOP Congressman claims Obama stayed in DC to run "shadow" govt. We get it, he's black

Ninja Obama Staffers

1. In their final days, Obama aides spread intelligence on Trump associates and Russia across agencies as a trail for investigators
2. The latest conspiracy theory from fringe alt-right radio shock jocks? Obama holdovers in government are "committing treason" against Trump to cover up their crimes
3. ^(3/24/2017) The real scandal, which the media regard as a diversion from the primary target, Trump, is that a Deep State conspiracy to bring down his presidency seems to have been put in place by Obamaites, and perhaps approved by Obama himself 

Threatening future home of Obama Presidential Library

1. Trumps plans on slashing the EPA budget for Great Lakes pollution cleanup by 97% because who needs to keep largest supply of liquid fresh water on the planet clean

The Economy

1. Trump attempts to deflect the latest revelation involving one of his staffers coordinating with Russia by going on Twitter and making fake claims about the economy

"Budget"

1. Beyond outright incompetence - Donald Trump has a plan? CNN thinks so. Maybe it is stored right next to his Healthcare plan, China plan, and Defeat ISIS plan
2. Ol' Jeff Sessions gonna find it tougher than wrestlin' a greased polecat to keep all his high falutin' promises about fighting crime if Mars Trump continues being stingier than a Baptist preacher in a liquor store wit dat Justice Dept budget money
3. Trump's first budget proposal: BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD, SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE
   1. We now have our first federal budget from Trump, and the best way to summarize it is "If it's not related to killing brown people, get rid of it. Also, we're paying for the wall"
   2. Trump's budget cuts all funding for climate change research. Every. Last. Penny
   3. Mulvaney: "We can't ask a coal miner to pay for the Corporation for Public Broadcasting." This story brought to you by the letters 'W,' 'T' and 'F'
4. Trump's NASA budget includes Mars mission and little else. Budget for movie The Martian was bigger
5. "What America would look like under the Trump budget" wrote someone who apparently can't accept that Trump is President and his party controls everything
6. Trump plan to cut foreign aid comes just as the threat of famine is surging in various places around the world, fomenting unrest and destabilizing regions the US is trying to stabilize to prevent ISIS from making inroads
7. If you invested heavily in cat food futures after the election, your payoff is on its way
   1. GOP to Trump: No, you can't shut down Meals on Wheels
   2. Since the White House argued that Meals on Wheels is going to be cut because it has not shown any results, I'm sure you'll be shocked to hear that there is actual research that proves otherwise
   3. Donations to Meals on Wheels surge after announcement of funding cuts. See? The system works
8. Reason magazine has never suffered through a PBS telethon
   1. Donald Trump may succeed in accomplishing what Mitt Romney could not do: Taking down Big Bird
9. President Trump's budget would turn the US into a heavily-guarded shiatpile
10. Congressional Republicans rebuke Trump's budget
11. GOP to Trump: No, you can't have a wall
12. Trump's budget motto: Nothing helps, so we should stop trying
13. Having wrested Pennsylvania, Ohio, and West Virginia out of Democratic hands, Donald Trump proposes screwing them over completely... along with red states Kentucky and Tennessee
14. Mayor says Trump's budget would be 'devastating' to New Orleans, and that city knows a thing or two about devastation
15. Sarcasm-illiterate (or actually illiterate) Trump press staffers include link to parody article skewering budget proposal in official daily briefing
16. So, if we eliminate funding for the National Endowment for the Arts, what could we use that money for? How about building one mile of the 405 freeway? Wait, make that "not even a mile"
17. John Oliver tries to explain the Trump budget but realizes it's impossible as he doesn't speak "fluent toddler psychopath"
18. Neil deGrasse Tyson: Trump's Budget Will Make America Weak, Sick & Stupid. Obvious tag is really getting a workout this morning
19. Trump's budget is how the U.S. hands over leadership of 21st century technology to China. It is nothing short of superpower suicide
20. The age of open government is ending
21. Hold onto your pensions: The Jeff Sessions DoJ is doing everything it can to enable white-collar crime
22. Republicans upset with Sec Def Mattis because he is proving too responsible and independent with his appointment, refusing to appoint political operatives or to push for an increase to the defense budget as they are demanding
23. Secret Service needs an additional 5,424,954 Meals on Wheels to protect President Trump's family and private home

Deficit

1. ^(3/27/2017) Now that they control government again, Republicans are back to saying that "deficits don't matter" ✂

Inflation

1. Political control over the Fed is inevitable. Which means the inflationary spiral that the Fed was put in place to prevent is also inevitable

The Dow

1. The Great Trump Recovery from the Obama Recession has officially begun
2. In today's issue of "Gee, You Don't Say," The Trump White House backs off stock market boasts as Dow, Nasdaq plummet
3. Stock markets sink worldwide as traders begin to question Trump's ability to deliver on his economic promises. The guys on Wall Street are JUST NOW realizing Trump is full of shiat? And they want us to trust them with OUR money?
4. ^(3/27/2017) It has come to Wall Street's attention that Trump is full of shiat 

Trade

1. Pay no attention to the trade surplus the U.S. had with China in February
2. ^(3/27/2017) Mexico's response to Trump's threat to dump NAFTA: "Well, bye" 

National Debt

1. Oh, look, Steven Mnuchin just wrote the letter begging Congress to raise the debt ceiling so America doesn't default. Let's see if Republicans are still as opposed to it as they were when Obama was president

"Cost cutting" measures

1. After 139 years, Trump may cancel the annual White House Easter Egg Roll, despite the Easter Bunny being white
2. Trumps plans on slashing the EPA budget for Great Lakes pollution cleanup by 97% because who needs to keep largest supply of liquid fresh water on the planet clean
3. NOAA to be gutted under Trump. Because who needs accurate weather forecasts, hurricane warnings, and current information on lightning strikes

Job Creator

1. Midwesterners made Trump the President, now they want him to invent a new reality where automation never happened so they can have a $14/hr job soldering the same wire onto the same contact 3,000 times a day. You know, the American Dream™
2. Trump: "We're going to re-build America with American steel." *offer not valid in United States, check local listings for details
3. Trump recession begins as jobless claims surge by 20,000
4. Candidate Trump: Jobs report is a lie, fails to account for huge number of unemployed. Sad. President Trump: Would you look at that Jobs report? Shows America is once again Great Again
   1. Trump on job reports before election: They're totally phony. Trump on job report today: "[it] may have been phony in the past, but it's very real now." And yes, that's a real quote
5. Trump administration makes up an accusation against Obama with zero proof offered. Shockingly, this is not a repeat of the last 20,343 times this has happened
6. Today we learn how the revolving door between the government and Amazon.com use your tax dollars, make Bezos a happy guy
7. The gun industry is now realizing: be careful what you wish for
8. Trump takes personal credit and brags about increasing unemployment in African American males
9. Trump helps coal workers in Ohio by forcing two plants to close with his lack of economic vision
10. ^(3/25/2017) About that coal industry Trump promised to help 
11. ^(3/26/2017) The North Carolina Grower's Association is required to advertise farm labor positions to U.S. workers before bringing in immigrants. Of the 6,500 positions offered, 7 red-blooded Americans accepted 

Nuclear Arms Control

1. ^(3/27/2017) Trump administration: Nuclear arms control is just too hard, so why even bother? 

Fiddling with Regulations

1. If your idea of fun is using your $1,000,000 annual bonus to go on a field trip where you get to shoot wadded up private customer data rounds at cutouts of bums while dumping toxic waste into a river, you're loving the Trump administration about now
2. Good news, Republicans have found a way to cure you of your crippling internet porn addiction
3. Trump's EPA looking to kill the law that led to unleaded gasoline and catalytic converters
4. EPA head: Meh, what's a little chemical spill between friends?
5. The "Hearing Protection Act" is a GOP-introduced bill to a) update laws for maximal headphone volume output, b) make measurement of sound levels at live concerts mandatory, c) reduce restrictions on gun silencers
6. President Trump wants to privatize the nation's air traffic controllers to save money. What could possibly go wrong?
7. ^(3/29/2017) Republican senators decide to review the whole "too big to fail" process 

Infrastructure

1. Odd, just eight years ago a president asking for a lot of money for infrastructure projects was grounds for conservative riots, death threats, and impeachment talks
2. Trump: "We're going to re-build America with American steel." *offer not valid in United States, check local listings for details
   1. Why did Trump reverse his mandate to use U.S. steel in the Keystone XL pipeline? Nobody knows, but a Russian oligarch with close ties to Putin stands to make a bunch of money from it. Fancy that
3. ^(3/24/2017) America needs to figure out its water regulation; otherwise, we're going to wind up with Brawndo watering our crops 

Stupidity

1. As if "alternative facts" weren't bad enough, "alternative intelligence" will lead us straight to war. Again
2. Trump, Devos, Rick Scott visiting Orlando Catholic school to: A) push school choice; B) start drive to end free public schools; or C) perform Three Stooges short
3. Trumps plans on slashing the EPA budget for Great Lakes pollution cleanup by 97% because who needs to keep largest supply of liquid fresh water on the planet clean
4. Trump's entire staff has no clue where he came up with the wiretapping allegations
   1. Here is a summary of TappGate, for those of you struggling to keep up with all the tapps at home
5. We're only 46 days in a perpetual state of crisis and the Trump administration has yet to deal with a major foreign policy challenge
6. 8 tricks for defending Trump on the left. More tricks on the right
7. A minute-by-minute breakdown of two hours of this morning's "Fox & Friends" and President Trump's tweets that soon followed and referenced each story almost verbatim
8. Apparently Republicans have become Russia's b*tches
9. Trump hasn't even bothered to ask his FBI director to verify his Obama wiretap claims. Smartest president ever, don'cha know, just bigly yuuugely smart I'm telling yaz
10. Privacy, what is it good for? Absolutely nothing. GOP wants to do away with FCC's entire privacy rulemaking to allow ISPs to sell your entire browsing history to advertisers or other third parties without your consent
11. There are indications that Jeff Sessions did not know his own attorneys were about to be fired
12. Refined Gentleman that he is, President Trump lets it be known via the Twitter machine that he is distempered, nay, downright appalled, at the rudeness and lack of civility the uncouth media is displaying towards his designated liars
13. Trump unfollows his Morning Joe besties who helped get him elected. Sad
14. The fact that the Top Republican on the House Intelligence Committee which has been charged with looking into Russia's interference in the election was also a member of Trump's transition team should in no way cast doubt on the panel's work
15. Trump's travel ban preventing certain groups from coming into US. Do those groupds groups include A: Al Queda? B: ISIS? or C: The Canadian version of the Girl Scouts?
16. Trump signs executive order asking every department "just what do they do around here?"
17. Trump to lay wreath at Andrew Jackson's grave, initiate new Trail of Tears to make room for real Americans, and cripple the Bank of the United States. Will he go all-in and call for the abolition of the Electoral College to ensure the populist voice?
    1. Gov. Mike Huckabee says Trump should do what Andrew Jackson did when courts overreached and just ignore them. Recall that Jackson was illegally kicking Indians off their land and sending them into a deadly forced march. Coming soon Trail of Tears II
    2. Yeah, okay, Mr. President. You got me with the references to both ATMs and the Trail of Tears. And for some reason, Democrats. Well played
18. Trump finds another way to improve health care in Michigan
19. President Trump wants to privatize the nation's air traffic controllers to save money. What could possibly go wrong?
20. Trump's budget cuts all funding for climate change research. Every. Last. Penny
21. Politics 101 - Even the most loyal supporters get turned off by a politician who orders a $54 steak well done and then puts ketchup on it
22. The failing, rigged, fake New York Times article used the word wiretap which makes me smart
23. Trump leaked classified CIA intel to Tucker Carlson on live TV: ranking House intel member
24. Trump's favorite Irish proverb is neither
25. Trump's response when Fox News' Tucker Carlson confronts him on the devastating impact repealing Obamacare will have on those who voted for him: "Oh, I know"
26. President Trump's budget would turn the US into a heavily-guarded shiatpile
27. Is the president "wrong" when he says that "wiretapping" means both "wiretapping" and "not wiretapping"? It depends on what your definition of "is" is
28. Trump has toned down his voter fraud accusations, and for some reason Congressional Republicans appear relieved about it
29. Trump's budget motto: Nothing helps, so we should stop trying
30. White House officially downgrades its apology to "an explanation"
31. POUTS show how he deals with women leaders by refusing to shake Merkel's hand at photo op - or even look at her
    1. Trump makes hilarious wiretap joke with Merkel to which Merkel responded, I don't understand, I was actually wiretapped while you just made it up. So, how is that funny?
32. Trump claims he is holding a big meeting on how to overhaul the VA at Mar-a-Lago because it was "the most convenient place" and "everybody wanted to go there". Also, Donald? Stop trying to make "The Southern White House" happen. It's embarrassing
    1. This weekend, you paid Trump the approximate cost of 500,000 Meals on Wheels for a "Veterans Affairs meeting" in Mar-a-Lago. Only it seems he forgot to bring the VA secretary. Or even to schedule the meeting
33. Secret Service laptop containing the floor plans to Trump Tower and info about the Clinton email investigation stolen
34. Breitbart wants Trump to go full Andrew Jackson and ignore the courts and their verdicts, because that's what you do in a Democracy
35. Trump treats his staff as horribly as he treats everyone else. Film at 11
36. Trump insults about her on the campaign trail are gonna make his meeting with Angela Merkel more awkward than that Thanksgiving where Uncle Cleetus "came out" and admitted to his turkey fetish
37. Mideast surge has Pentagon concerned with 'mission creep' resulting from orders from 'commander creep'
38. Sarcasm-illiterate (or actually illiterate) Trump press staffers include link to parody article skewering budget proposal in official daily briefing
39. German broadcaster rescues Trump from Handshakegate
40. For SOME reason the US government isn't responding to Ukraine's requests to interview Paul Manafort in connection to a corruption investigation. Gee, I wonder why that is
41. No longer even trying to hide it
42. Eric and Donald Jr. run daddy's businesses and are continually Tweeting about his policies while trying desperately not to violate various ethics laws. More than they already have
43. So, if we eliminate funding for the National Endowment for the Arts, what could we use that money for? How about building one mile of the 405 freeway? Wait, make that "not even a mile"
44. Lost in all the kerfluffle over (lack of) handshakes and awkward wiretapping jokes is the news that Trump wants Germany to "pay their fair share" in NATO. Because letting Germany arm up has worked out so well in the past
45. President Trump wants the Mexican border wall to be higher than two double-decker buses, and have an 'aesthetically pleasing color' on the US side. Hmm, could that mean white?
46. Trump still doesn't understand how NATO works
47. West Wing 'chaos' as Trump seems 'hellbent on squandering' any gains by his administration: report
48. It appears that someone is blowing smoke up the White House's arse with some crazy theory about smog
49. Germany's defense minister to Trump: You know NATO doesn't work like that, right?
50. Donald Trump's abhorrent science denial finally rouses Stephen Hawking's fury. Crush him in the claws of your giant mecha-suit, Stephen, crush him
51. Turns out the best way to radicalize people is to strip them of their nationality. Not that this administration would know or anything
52. Pro tip: Wait until the hearing is over before you mischaracterize someone's congressional testimony, Mr. President, or you run the risk of being corrected in real-time
53. So we've ALL been thinking it, but credit goes to former Rep. David Jolly (R-FL) for being the first to come out and say it publicly: President Donald Trump isn't "intellectually qualified" to be president
54. The age of open government is ending
55. For all their denunciations of 'fake news,' the Trump administration has become a leading purveyor of it, and most of that seems to come to them via Moscow
56. Tillerson to skip parent-teacher conference in lieu of hanging out with his best friend during school hours
57. Trump threatens Republicans to support TrumpCare or lose their seats. Or possibly grab them by it, one of the two
58. Hours after his SCOTUS nominee scolds President Trump for bashing federal judges, he doubles down and says no one can tell him what to do and he'll continue bashing the judiciary
59. Another aspect of traditional presidentin' that Trump sucks at: he is the first president in well over 100 years that does not have a pet
60. Wait until he finds out that the Ku Klux Klan was founded by Democrats
61. Gorsuch believes it is improper to state opinions about historic cases. A SCOTUS appointee with no opinion or regard for precedent? The perfect candidate
62. Donald Trump Jr. takes to Twitter to insult the Mayor of London over terrorist attack. I'm beginning to think there's a nature, not nurture thing going on here
63. Rex Tillerson says the most powerful country on earth is unable to sustain a working State Department
64. Having solved all the nation's problems and secured his legacy, President Trump turns his sights on teen who created website where you can punch Trump's face using a cat's paw
65. Trump feels "somewhat vindicated" about his "wire tapping" allegations. "Somewhat vindicated" is in quotes meaning not actually vindicated at all
66. Secret Service needs an additional 5,424,954 Meals on Wheels to protect President Trump's family and private home

The Great White Wall

1. Why not a hundred foot high wall made from gold and diamonds that can't be seen by those who are unfit for their positions, stupid, or incompetent?
2. President Trump wants the Mexican border wall to be higher than two double-decker buses, and have an 'aesthetically pleasing color' on the US side. Hmm, could that mean white?
3. How Farking idiotic are Trump supporters? They chant Build the Wall while vacationing in Mexico. They may want to check out Snopes for the vacation pics story
4. ^(3/26/2017) RNC PR-BS: White House will court moderate Democrats on the border wall-containing tax plan, possibly bypassing the House Freedom Caucus 
5. ^(3/29/2017) "The Rio Grande, what side of the river are you going to put the wall? We're not going to put it on our side and cede the river to Mexico." -current Secretary of the Interior Ryan Zinke 
6. ^(3/29/2017) Hispanic contractors who submitted bids to build Trump's wall surprised to discover that other Hispanics aren't their friends anymore 
7. ^(3/30/2017) Republicans vote to disallow the EPA to rely on science 
8. ^(3/30/2017) In his daily Twitter rant, Trump threatens to "change libel laws" to go after the New York Times, a move that, even if he COULD do it , would ironically, be unconstitutional according the Supreme Court's ruling in "New York Times V. Sullivan" 
9. ^(3/30/2017) "The new American government is placing its emphasis on isolation, import barriers and the one-sided assertion of its own interests. If this strategy was right, then North Korea would be an economically powerful land of plenty" 
10. ^(3/31/2017) Trump praises Mike Flynn for seeking immunity after watching Fox & Friends. I guess the segment didn't tell Trump who Flynn will be testifying against 
11. ^(3/31/2017) Voter intimidation against white people is about to become a major focus for Jefferson Beauregard Sessions' Department of Justice 
12. ^(3/31/2017) Trump FCC pick pulls plug on ObamaNet 
13. ^(3/31/2017) Sessions and the Department of Justice want Colorado to prosecute THC offenses 

Honors and Awards

Nobel Peace Prize

1. President Trump nominated for Nobel Peace Prize. He's only been in office a month so the odds are against him, like our president has ever been daunted by the odds

Neo-Nazis

1. Are you ready to hear the V.O.I.C.E. of America?
   1. Why Trump's VOICE program is drawing comparisons to Nazis. TL;DR: It's literally a Nazi policy
2. Trump refers to HBCU Presidents as 'you people', but they're kind of ok with it as they expected him to say something worse
3. Blaming the Klan on modern Democrats is like blaming the Unabomber on the Montana Territory, which I do so nyeh
4. ICE is now arresting any illegal immigrant who speaks in public as part of a "targeted immigration enforcement action"
5. A closer look at the disgraceful media response to Trump's "Presidential" racism
6. I'm a Jewish American who worked with Steve Bannon. He is not a racist or an anti-Semite
7. GOP congressman says holding town halls is like being yelled at in a ritual "that the Orientals used to do"
8. Breitbart: Yo WaPo, while Trump's proposal to publish a list of immigrant crimes and their victims does have Nazi overtones, the big difference is that Hitler did it against loyal, legal, law abiding German Jews, not illegal criminals. So, checkmate
9. Trump, Devos, Rick Scott visiting Orlando Catholic school to: A) push school choice; B) start drive to end free public schools; or C) perform Three Stooges short
10. Thousands of ICE detainees claim they were forced into labor. "The US is running labor camps"
11. Donald Trump: "ZOMG all these people are doing McCarthyism at me, this is evil". President Bannon: "McCarthy was a genius whose only fault was not going far enough"
12. Guys, it's not a Muslim ban. We know this because Trump told us. Please don't look at his own website telling us how he wants "a total and complete shutdown of Muslims entering the United States"
13. Steve Bannon's favorite book is part "Turner Diaries", part "World War Z", and part "The Tale of Scrotie McBoogerballs"
14. Old people back racist party. This is not a repeat of the last 203,324 this has happened
15. Ben Carson: Slaves were immigrants who dreamed of a better life
    1. There weren't any MFing immigrants on the MFing slave ships
    2. Guess who else called slaves immigrants... Oh how the outrage was
16. Something is straining the relationship between President Trump and President Obama. They used to be BFFs; I'm not sure what happened
17. House okays using taxpayer money for Islamic schools
18. Trump supporters protest... Anti-Nazi Resistance Radio commercial for "The Man in the High Castle". Yes, Really
19. Meh, we didn't need those Afghans who helped U.S. forces despite risk to life and limb anyways
20. Steve King thinks he would look real snazzy in a Nazi uniform
21. The Left's version of O'keefe is low energy, didn't even dress up for this, sad
22. Republicans tell Steve King that he's being a little too obvious with the dog megaphone
23. Trump to lay wreath at Andrew Jackson's grave, initiate new Trail of Tears to make room for real Americans, and cripple the Bank of the United States. Will he go all-in and call for the abolition of the Electoral College to ensure the populist voice?
    1. Gov. Mike Huckabee says Trump should do what Andrew Jackson did when courts overreached and just ignore them. Recall that Jackson was illegally kicking Indians off their land and sending them into a deadly forced march. Coming soon Trail of Tears II
    2. Yeah, okay, Mr. President. You got me with the references to both ATMs and the Trail of Tears. And for some reason, Democrats. Well played
24. Well of course Trump's counterterrorism expert is a member of a Nazi group
25. Trump puppetmaster Steve Bannon is a fan of notorious French anti-semite philosopher, because of course he is
26. Inside internet hate site: "We're not a hate site"
27. NOT NEWS: Punch-magnet white supremacist shames welfare. NEWS: Wearing bootstraps funded by millions in government subsidies. FARK: Paid to his family-owned cotton farm in Louisiana
28. Turns out the best way to radicalize people is to strip them of their nationality. Not that this administration would know or anything
29. Trump campaign chief turned Lobbyist Corey Lewandowski is raising money for a PAC designed to help "drain the swamp" and fight corruption in Washington. Man, who would've expected him to turn on his former boss like that?
30. Trump takes personal credit and brags about increasing unemployment in African American males
31. How Farking idiotic are Trump supporters? They chant Build the Wall while vacationing in Mexico. They may want to check out Snopes for the vacation pics story
32. Georgia nonprofit was duped into unwittingly giving white supremacist Richard Spencer $25,000 after an anonymous donor gifted them the money with specific instructions
33. ^(3/24/2017) Before it denounced the alt-right, the National Review elevated its ideals 
34. ^(3/29/2017) The Trump administration continues its quest for inclusiveness by excluding LGBTQ people from the 2020 Census 
35. ^(3/30/2017) Hate muppet Pat Robertson claims God used Trump to "spare us from the chaos of Muslim immigration" 
36. ^(3/31/2017) Voter intimidation against white people is about to become a major focus for Jefferson Beauregard Sessions' Department of Justice 

Child Care

1. In shocking news, Trump's child care proposal will mainly help those making six figures and more

Privacy Protections

1. Trump administration wants to strip privacy protections from non-U.S. citizens that have been in place for decades
2. Privacy, what is it good for? Absolutely nothing. GOP wants to do away with FCC's entire privacy rulemaking to allow ISPs to sell your entire browsing history to advertisers or other third parties without your consent
   1. Good news, Republicans have found a way to cure you of your crippling internet porn addiction
3. Comey: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Privacy? What the hell is that?

Keystone XL Pipeline

1. Tillerson backs out of Keystone Pipeline review, eliminating one of his conflicts of interest, leaving him with only 1,395,025
2. ^(3/24/2017) Trump lays pipe 

Devil's Weed

1. Trump policy on recreational weed seen as major buzzkill, logistical nightmare
2. AG Jeff Sessions: "We have too much tolerance for marijuana use. We need to say, as Nancy Reagan said, 'Just say no.'" He then knocked back three fingers of bourbon and took a long, satisfying drag from an unfiltered Camel
3. ^(3/31/2017) Sessions and the Department of Justice want Colorado to prosecute THC offenses 

Trump Tower Tapp

1. "You know, Mr. President, the Russia stuff is heating up pretty badly. We need something to distract the media. How about...um...I dunno...maybe Obama tapped your phones? Think anyone would believe that?"
2. Trump's entire staff has no clue where he came up with the wiretapping allegations
   1. White House attorneys scramble to come up with evidence to back Trump's 'wiretap' claims
   2. Here is a summary of TappGate, for those of you struggling to keep up with all the tapps at home
   3. Trump doubles down. In other news, popcorn stocks set to open at record highs
3. FBI Director Comey asks Justice Department to publicly call BS on Trump's wiretapping claim
4. It's Monday, so you know what that means: Trump's own agencies have told him that he's wrong about his weekend conspiracy rant, but he doesn't care and still believes his own derp
5. "Although the law provides a great deal of leeway for political speech, that protection is not all encompassing. And because of the way Trump has leveled unsubstantiated accusations at Obama, he may have libeled his predecessor"
6. President Trump has decided to use the power of his office to expose the potential duplicity and unscrupulous behavior of the Obama Administration in the wiretapping of his campaign
7. Donald Trump: "ZOMG all these people are doing McCarthyism at me, this is evil". President Bannon: "McCarthy was a genius whose only fault was not going far enough"
8. Even Sen. "Tehran Tom" Cotton isn't willing to hop aboard Trump's latest crazy Train
9. Trump's new strategy is to make up a conspiracy to deflect from the seriousness of the Russia ties. Yeah, we've been over this, CNN; you're late to the party
10. Harvard grad and Constitutional lawyer who clerked for the Supreme Court on Trump's wiretap tweets: "Yeah, he pretty much stepped on his own dick big league, and should be shiatcanned." Well, he said it a little more eloquently, but you get the idea
11. FBI Director Comey doesn't want to stay under the bus OR fall on his sword for Trump
12. May we present: Trump's proof of the wire tapp. And you know he'd tapp that
    1. Not only is the source of Trump being tapped being hacked, but now maybe she's being tapped or attacked for revealing that Russians hackers planted false Hillary mail on Weiner's laptop.Or something. It's not all that clear what's going on. Go figure
13. Mr. President, about those wiretapp allegations? Yeah....well we're sorry sir, but this time you're on your own
14. Trump hasn't even bothered to ask his FBI director to verify his Obama wiretap claims. Smartest president ever, don'cha know, just bigly yuuugely smart I'm telling yaz
15. White House claims that Trump's allegations that Obama tapped his phones is evidence of wrongdoing even if it turns out to be false
16. House judiciary Republicans ask for FBI briefing on Trump's wiretapping claims, moon landing from 1969, and whereabouts of the Tooth Fairy
    1. Reporter: "Mr. Pence, do you believe Trump's claim about Obama wiretapping him, yes or no?" VP Pence: "EVASIVE MANEUVERS, EVASIVE MANEUVERS. ALL POWER TO PORT THRUSTERS AND TRANSFER ALL POWER TO DEFLECTOR SHIELDS"
17. White House finally responds to growing questions about Wikileaks CIA dump, Trump's wiretap accusation and connections to Russia...by canceling all press events
18. House Intelligence Committee requests that Trump FW:FW:FW:FW:FW: over his evidence of wiretapping by Monday
    1. House Intelligence Committee set today as the deadline for Trump to provide evidence he was the victim of an Obama "wiretapp." Will Trump follow through? What will happen if he fails to provide the evidence? Either way, things will get crazy today
    2. Spicer will finally reveal the wiretapping evidence against Obama- or implode. (Live at 1ish EST)
       1. Trump 'doesn't really think' Obama personally tapped his phone. Last five words completely unnecessary
          1. Welcome to Politics 2017 - The Year of the Walk Back
          2. Trump again says he was wiretapped as long as you include people listening to people in any situation as wiretapping
19. Human-pug hybrid Kellyanne Conway pulls another alternative fact out of her rectum, says the Trump campaign was monitored in other ways
    1. Small appliance expert Kellyanne Conway says she's not sure what was used to spy on Trump campaign, because she's "not inspector Gadget." Yes, that was a quote
20. SHOCKING CONFESSION: In his own words, Obama admits to wiretapping Trump
21. FTFA: In what can be described as journalistic malpractice and a gross dereliction of duty, the alt-left radical propaganda press continues to insist there is some nefarious connection between President Trump and Moscow. Evidence? They don't need any
22. Obviously, the reason no one can find any evidence that Obama ordered Trump wiretapped is because he asked James Bond to do it
23. "Morning Joe" host Mika Brzezinski looks into camera and says directly to Trump: "It's a very serious allegation. And it questions everything that you're about. And it questions whether we can ever believe you, and whether Americans can believe you"
24. Trump defenders are starting to sound like English Lit professors at a Joyce seminar: "So now you have to decide, are you going to take the tweets literally? And if you are then clearly the president was wrong. But if you're not"
25. "Nobody ever talks about the fact that [the words 'wires tapped'] was in quotes [in the tweet], but that's a very important thing"
26. "Yikes My microwave is watching me...defrost the chicken." Kellyanne Conway sheds light on how our household appliances know everything we do
27. The failing, rigged, fake New York Times article used the word wiretap which makes me smart
28. It's official: Obama did not tap that Ass
29. Is the president "wrong" when he says that "wiretapping" means both "wiretapping" and "not wiretapping"? It depends on what your definition of "is" is
30. Enjoy Sean Spicer's latest Melissa McCarthy impersonation
31. Obviously, the reason no one can find any evidence that Obama ordered Trump wiretapped is because he asked James Bond to do it
    1. White House officially downgrades its apology to "an explanation"
       1. Deputy Director of the NSA calls Trump's UK spying allegations "just crazy", "arrant nonsense". Then insinuates Trump is ignorant and stupid. Why yes, he is retiring shortly
    2. No longer even trying to hide it
32. Secret Service laptop containing the floor plans to Trump Tower and info about the Clinton email investigation stolen
33. And today Comey throws Trump under the bus
34. Intel offers no evidence of Trump Tower spying. To be honest, I always suspected AMD
35. UK Intelligence Chief warns that Russia may have been behind Donald Trump's claim that British intelligence had wiretapped Trump Tower
36. Rep Trey Gowdy attempts a high profile "But what about..." during the Comey hearing, but doesn't quite stick the landing
37. White House continues to defend wiretapping claim despite today's contrary statements from "so-called FBI Director" Comey
    1. David Cameron jokes that a main perk of no longer being British Prime Minister is that he doesn't have to listen to Donald Trump's wiretapped conversations any more, proving British brand of Conservative Humour is as weak as its American cousin
38. People close to the president say Mr. Trump's Twitter torrent had less to do with fact, strategy or tactic than a sense of persecution bordering on faith: He simply believes that he was bugged in some way, by someone
39. Rep. Nunes claims that Trump people were picked up on FBI wiretaps of Russians, which means, technically, Obama wiretapped the Trump campaign, which is the best kind of wiretapping
    1. House Intelligence Committee Democrat Adam Schiff calls for independent investigation after Chairperson Devin Nunes decides to throw protocol out the window and brief the President that shiat is hitting the fan faster than anyone expected *DUN DUN*
    2. Rep. Nunes thought he was putting out the Trump Tweet Tapp fire. Only he reached for gasoline instead of water
    3. Trump feels "somewhat vindicated" about his "wire tapping" allegations. "Somewhat vindicated" is in quotes meaning not actually vindicated at all
40. ^(3/29/2017) 74% of Republicans believe Trump Tower was wiretapped during the campaign 

Illiterate

1. Trump still doesn't understand how NATO works
2. So we've ALL been thinking it, but credit goes to former Rep. David Jolly (R-FL) for being the first to come out and say it publicly: President Donald Trump isn't "intellectually qualified" to be president

"Terror"

1. The "administration" of Donald Trump "seems to" like using "scare quotes" a "whole lot"
2. Turns out the best way to radicalize people is to strip them of their nationality. Not that this administration would know or anything
3. Homeland Security publishes list of 118 terrorist occupied cities. Bombing begins in five minutes
4. Step 1: Steal car. Step 2: Drive to White House. Step 3: Declare there is a bomb in your car at a Secret Service checkpoint. Step 4: Get featured on Fark

Planned Parenthood

1. Planned Parenthood aborts Trump's offer to fund them if they stop providing their least-used service that isn't even covered by government funding

B-b-but, her emails!

1. Donald Trump just became Hillary Clinton's email ally
2. Secret Service laptop containing the floor plans to Trump Tower and info about the Clinton email investigation stolen

Abolish Taxes

1. Clammy porcelain Republican kingmaker Matt Drudge says he now wants his vote back because Republicans haven't abolished the concept of taxes yet

Tax Cuts

1. ^(3/25/2017) "The GOP was counting on wiping out nearly $1 trillion in Obamacare taxes to help finance the sweeping tax cuts they've got planned for their next legislative act. And now it's unclear where all that money will come from." Fark needs a "ha-ha" tag ✂
2. ^(3/27/2017) Now that they control government again, Republicans are back to saying that "deficits don't matter" ✂
3. ^(3/27/2017) "Who knew that tax reform could be so complicated?" 

Tax "Reform"

1. ^(3/30/2017) History proves the White House will not be able to drive the tax reform train; they will, in fact, derail it 
2. ^(3/31/2017) Paul Ryan's tax plan could finally achieve equality in the US ... by shifting 99.6 percent of the tax relief to the wealthiest 1 percent of the country so that everybody else can be equally poor 

LGBTQ Community

1. Homophobic pastor Wayne Allyn Root says Donald Trump is "like a wife who makes passionate love to you every day, seven days a week." Even on the Sabbath

Unsupported Voter Fraud Accusations

1. Trump has toned down his voter fraud accusations, and for some reason Congressional Republicans appear relieved about it

Ending Medicare

1. Trumpcare raids Medicare to enrich the wealthy and plant a bomb meant to destroy it forever. America First, indeed

Privatization of all government

1. Air Traffic Controllers
   1. President Trump wants to privatize the nation's air traffic controllers to save money. What could possibly go wrong?

Russian Spy Ship Sighting

1. In what may be an emerging pattern, another Russian spy ship is spotted off the coast of the US

Torture

1. Lindsey Graham threatens to impeach Trump if he starts waterboarding. I hope surfboarding is still okay, since we know Trump loves his water sports

See Also

• Drumpfster Fire
• Drumpfster Fire Advisors & Agencies
• Drumpfster Fire Daily Chaos
• Drumpfster Fire Misinformation
• I Love The Poorly Educated
• The World Outside the U.S. Post-Drumpf
• 115th Congressional Dumpster Fire
• Defying GOP's Wet Dream of One Party Rule of U.S. Government

External Links

• Executive Order Generator
• Trump Insult Generator
• What The Fuck Just Happened Today?
• How Long Has Donald Trump Been President?
• Nose Flags
• Trump-Russia timeline, Mother Jones